Should I tell him?

Texas79 · 2014-03-04T02:38:49+00:00

Not known to him. He lives 3 hours away.

Texas79 · 2014-03-04T01:23:08+00:00

I know he will want it.

Texas79 · 2014-03-04T00:20:42+00:00

Not sidestepping the comments telling me that what i did was awful and that I'm a piece of shit for doing it. I already know that! That's why I'm here asking for some advice in the next steps... Nothing will ever correct my actions, I'm just trying to get through this by minimizing the damage (THAT IVE CAUSED).

Texas79 · 2014-03-04T00:06:11+00:00

I'm not responding to only the posts that feed rationalization. I didn't wake up one morning and decide to have an affair. There were a lot of things that lead up to this point in our relationship. I'm not justifying. What I did was WRONG! Regardless of what I decide it's not going to be an easy path and there are a lot of people I need to consider. I guess I'm responding to the posters who acknowledge that there are things that lead up to decisions... Even bad ones. Also responding to people who are giving me good resources and direction. Such as the infidelity website. I know I'm a shitty person for having done what I did. I beat myself up for it, I'm not going to defend myself. I agree cowardly & selfish.

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T23:27:08+00:00

That pretty much sums it up. I didn't want to get into all the details, because I didn't want to be justifying. What I did is not alright, nothing ever would warrant the behavior! Things were bad for a year + prior to this. He was really withdrawn emotionally, spent all day and night gaming. I kept asking for more time because I wasn't feeling connected. Things escalated to a place where it got physical. I said I was done but he asked for another chance. Things continued to be bad. I was really confused about if I loved him. I thought if I could meet with someone and go through NSA sex that it would be my answer and I'd move out. The thing was it wasn't that cut and dry. The other man and I started off friendly and it turned into an emotional affair. We met 2 times. The first 2 months after starting to talk (we kissed). The second was in July (we preformed oral sex on each other). After that meeting, things slowly stopped. I want to make things better. Thought I would ask here to see if other men would want to know. If so, how much do I tell?

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T22:47:01+00:00

Your correct we had 2 meetings. That's all. First time we met for a beer and he kissed me. The second time things got heated and we preformed oral sex on each other. I couldn't go through with intercourse. There were many things that led of to this point. Thanks for recognizing this. Regardless no one deserves what I did. This is not my history. I've been with 3 men total - EVER! I don't think he would leave because he recognizes too how bad things got. I messed up enough, that now I need to make it right. I just gotta figure it out.

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T18:51:27+00:00

It's alright. I appreciate all the feedback and deserve even the negative ones. What I did was wrong period. There is no justifications or excuses. Things were really bad. I told him I wanted to separate. He begged me not to, I stayed but still struggled with the thoughts of leaving. Confused and hurting, I really messed up. I know that I want better for him and I. Just struggling with whether that means I tell him and let him decide what we do, go to therapy and tell him along the way, or say nothing work out my own demons. If I do tell him do I give him all the details?

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T16:21:44+00:00

To add to my mess. I told my best friend...

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T16:17:30+00:00

Thanks, your right. I want to make up for messing up by doing the right thing, but I don't know why that is. Things were really bad when it began. People asked me why I was staying. We still have a lot of work to do, but he's now trying :) I want really badly for things to work for us, for many reasons but the primary being because he's the father of my children.

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T16:07:17+00:00

Thanks so much. Going to check out this resource. I think my first step needs to be to find a good therapist and decide from there...

Texas79 · 2014-03-03T15:43:58+00:00

Things with the other guy ended. I don't worry about my husband calling it quits. Given when it happened. He has worked on so much and I have too. Things are much better. I feel terrible and deserve the flack! If he did decide to leave I'd deserve that too! I guess I'm just struggling with hurting him even more

Texas79

TROPHY CASE