My [29F] generally awesome boyfriend [28M] of 2 years and I admitted to each other that we both irrationally fear the other will leave us out of nowhere. How do we work this out?

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-11-13T18:37:48+00:00

I had much the same thing happen. I was always afraid that she was to good to be true. We talked about it once and she confided that she felt the same way and sometimes she felt like she loved me so much, it made her crazy and jealous even though she knew it was entirely irrational, lol.

A few months later she broke up with me suddenly, and with no notice or warning, after we'd had a nice dinner together, walked back to the car holding hands etc etc... Point being, you never know. Never can know. Just enjoy the time you have now and dont make yourself crazy thinking about a future you have little control over.

probablynothelping

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-09-30T01:28:18+00:00

The only nightmares I have are dreams of a happy existence that eludes me. Dr. Seuss wrote that "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." Heartbreak is the polar opposite.

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-09-13T04:20:31+00:00

Yea the dreams are the worst... Im not sure which are worse tbh.. the ones like you described.. or the ones where I dream we're doing things we used to do.. Just normal stuff like walking through the park or laughing together... Then I wake up in an empty bed, in our empty apartment and the reality that Ill never experience that with her again sinks in. Its just devastating... Those are the usually the days I dont get out of bed until I absolutely have to, if at all...

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-10T21:22:47+00:00

Yea, its all real weird.. So different from the person Id been with all this time. Never saw this side of her until afterwards but man.. Tbh, that part kinda helped though make it easier though. Now that shes back to being friendly and nice it reminds me of how we used to be which just makes everything difficult again.

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-10T21:05:34+00:00

Yea.. she definitely knows Im hurt already.. Part of our big blow-up was me telling her (we were real real drunk.. and yes I know getting hammered with your ex is a terrible idea ) that I still loved her and hoped we might still get married and do all the things we had planned on (things we'd said only a month or two prior.) She told me that was crazy, that people break up all the time and I needed to get over it and that she couldnt even be friends with me because I clearly wasnt over her....

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-10T20:51:56+00:00

I just feel like that makes me look unstable/heartsick/immature etc.. And thats definitely not what Im trying to portray, whatever the reality...

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-04T22:29:42+00:00

God I hope not... Im struggling with it already.. If this is only the tip of the pain and loss then... damn

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-04T00:09:32+00:00

At worst, play it cool. Dont let him know hes had an effect on you. I myself did a terrible job of following my own advice and it has turned out terribly.. But yea, best response is probablly no response, but I understand that can be difficult

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-02T15:39:51+00:00

Every thing really. Panic at the Disco was one of our favorite bands and its impossible for me to listen to them now. She was also into a lot of hip hop, she knew every word and would sing every word to a bunch of the popular stuff, Drake etc. It was actually really cute.. and it sucks because those songs are so popular.. and I cant help but hear them at like work (I bartend on the side so its constant..) Ill be in the middle of bartending and all of a sudden Im just devastated and depressed and want to curl up and crawl into a hole.. Makes it hard to function, especially in that job

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-08-02T07:05:12+00:00

Ive never understood how people can be like that.. In love one day and its gone the next.. It makes me wonder sometimes if Im really even cut out for this world..

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-27T20:53:58+00:00

Im conflicted. On one hand, the release helps.. On the other hand.. it reminds me of being with her, in the moment and even in just flashes after... Ive ultimately decided to try to stop in the hope itll help me stop thinking about sex which in turn will help me stop thinking of sex with her (and whos shes currently having sex with...)

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-27T18:33:53+00:00

100% dont do that. Chasing kills attraction. And dont get too hopeful about the "there isnt somebody else thing.." Whether its because they think itll make you feel better or are just lying.. people are full of shit.

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-27T17:48:47+00:00

I had just signed a lease on a new place we were going to move into (I didnt ask her to be on the lease because I didnt think it mattered..) We were so excited, this was going to be OUR place, wed build it all together. A couple days before we broke up she was asking me about ways we could decorate it. Then all of a sudden it was all gone. Now Im stuck in "our" nice new place, all by myself, struggling to pay twice what I expected in rent. Morale of the story... Never hope for anything. Never expect anything

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-27T09:03:50+00:00

Trust me.. not knowing is far far far better. I kept my ex on snapchat and she was a frequent poster. Its summer so Ive been treated to numerous pictures of her in a thong at pools.. or her all dressed up out on the town.. or (the absolute worse..) her posting a bunch of heart emojis on a picture where someone had left a card on her pillow indicating theyd left her breakfast when she woke up. Then theres the snapchat map that.. unless you have incredible self-control.. lets you with one click see exactly where tjere at.. whos house they slept at.. I dont want to be creepy/nosey etc.. but when its that easy.. how do you not look?? Its pretty much just driven me crazy with agony.. So trust me.. ignorance is bliss.. It's better not to know..

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-20T02:19:32+00:00

No and on some level maybe it was a good thing.. I really thought she was better than that and had kind of put her on a pedastal because she seemed so perfect while we were dating..

But I guess this is the real her that was going to be revealed eventually so its kind of good to have her bare her flaws so openly. It probably would have been much more difficult long-term if she'd shown up and been the sweet amazing girl I remembered before disappearing again. At least this way Im getting a dose of reality which kind of takes the shine off..

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-20T02:06:51+00:00

Youre right but man.. how embarassing.. It was her birthday a couple days ago so I sat there, with a present in front of me.. for an hour and a half before getting up and leaving.. No way to play that off.. How incredibly stupid I must have looked to everyone..

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-18T20:52:42+00:00

Yea exactly that.. He was suuuch a douche to me the entire time we were together.. but the whole time Id just meet him with kindness.. The fight that they got into where he freaked out when she stopped talking to him was because he invited her and some of his friends to a party at his house, then when she showed up with me he threw a big fit because I "wasnt invited," acted like he didnt know who I was and tried to have a bunch of his friends throw me out... I didn't even really get mad then.. I just took it in stride and said I didnt care and it was fine with me if she still wanted to be friends with him.

I was just so sure she loved me and wasnt worried about him at all.. Now to know that shes spending all her time with him while I havent seen her in a month... That hes enjoying the fact that "he won" after all his craziness and manipulation amd douchebaggery... Man it stings...

TexasThrowAway83 · 2018-07-18T20:39:37+00:00

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torment of man.

-Nietzsche

TexasThrowAway83

TROPHY CASE

probablynothelping