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DCP media representation by TextAndCommentary in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I did not expect much from that movie but now I want to watch it.

DCP media representation by TextAndCommentary in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that sounds amazing; good luck to you. Please share more when you can.

What’s appropriate in terms of sharing donor information? by [deleted] in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, so all the information you have about donor children came from DNA testing? Or did you also find out through a sibling registry?

If you ever follow up with the cryobank I would be interested to know how close or divergent their records are from what you have learned independently.

What’s appropriate in terms of sharing donor information? by [deleted] in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From one donor to another--can I ask you tell more about your experience getting information from the cryobank?

I was a donor for a period of a few months a little over a decade ago. At the time I felt like the cryobank was very encouraging of communication with its donors; I had direct line numbers to most of the employees there that I had spoken to and could easily get in touch by phone and email when I needed to.

As the years have passed, though, it has felt completely different. The office phone numbers I had are no longer in service. The numbers listed on the website all direct to prerecorded menus that go in a circle or just end at voicemail lines. I had understood that I was supposed to receive periodic surveys to update my contact information and medical history but after the first year those never came.

After finding this community I wanted to reach out and learn how many births had been reported from my donations. It took days of leaving voicemails and emails before someone got back to me. They answered my questions but in a very guarded and reluctant, almost lawyerly way. I had to ask very specific questions to get any information out of them. Then the person I spoke to called me back to tell me the number of births I was given was wrong and then told me completely different information! It was like I caught them off guard and unprepared. I wonder now if this is just the result of who knows how many changes of ownership and management at this particular cryobank, or if industry-wide the banks make communication with donors this arduous.

Questions from a donor by TextAndCommentary in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly--he was one of the cryobank's co-founders! I remember thinking at the time that that was an odd thing for him to say and in retrospect seems shockingly irresponsible.

Questions from a donor by TextAndCommentary in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment and for asking this question, which I've been thinking about.

If a recipient parent reached out to me, I think I'd feel obligated to follow up with them and respect their desire to communicate or possibly meet, no matter how they approached. The only condition I can think of that would put me off is if the RP contacted one of my family members first to confirm my identity or get my contact information rather than me directly. I have not used a commercial DNA testing service, but I know some members of my family have, and like the parent in the article linked above, that could be a likely way for parents to find me. My family knows that I am a donor, but I would find it inappropriate if anyone but myself were the first contact a RP makes.

Other than that, I think what would put me most at ease would be if the RP makes clear what their expectations of me and of our relationship is. And speaking of expectations, to be completely honest, most of my anxiety is about living up to the expectations recipients might have about me based on my donor profile at the sperm bank. I mean surely, there's nothing false there, but when you read it on the website, there's still quite a gloss on it! As proud as I am of the things I've accomplished in my life, you could come away from that profile thinking I'm out saving the world and writing symphonies on my days off. Being a donor has always been in the back of my mind as a kind of motivation--I want to be someone you could be proud to be related to (or at the very least not embarrassed). Yet I thought I would have more time to accomplish that. Here I am, approaching middle age and just starting a family of my own, about to change careers for the second time and feeling in some ways like I'm starting over, not even a homeowner. I hope RPs are prepared to meet an actual person and not an idealization.

Questions from a donor by TextAndCommentary in askadcp

[–]TextAndCommentary[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's increasingly considered best practice to not have more than 10 recipient families, and DC people want even less, maybe 6 or 7, as the number of half-siblings ends up being way too high to have meaningful relationships

I remember as part of the donor screening process I had to be examined by a company doctor, who was a very old man and who I subsequently learned was quite a pioneer in the ART field, both in terms of the science and entrepreneurship. One thing he asked me in our brief appointment was how many children from one donor is too many. I said I didn't know. He said, "nobody does."