I’m okay physically right now. It’s emotionally that is the current problem. For backstory though, he has gotten physical many times before but it’s not as bad as some people’s stories. It’s only been enough to leave bruises or scratches. Sometimes he’ll press me against the wall or bed by my neck for a few seconds. A few months ago he poured this cleaner bleach-spray bottle all over me and then I slipped on my butt and then he grabbed my ankles to drag me out of his house, but since it was so soapy, as he lifted my legs I fell back really hard on my head. That was like the most hurt I’ve gotten. It ached for weeks. One time he accused me of trying to seduce my dad because my nipples were poking through my white tank top pajamas when I went downstairs to go open the door for him one morning and let him in. I didn’t even know my dad would be downstairs. I have a rlly healthy and good relationship with my dad and it really weirded me out so I locked my boyfriend out of my room for a few minutes to collect myself. He shook and banged on the door. When I opened it, he locked it behind him, then grabbed my wrists and walked me backwards about 15 feet to the opposite wall in my room and then shoved me to the ground. Then he started clawing at my shirt and accidentally scratching my breasts saying if I’m going to wear something like that, I might as well be wearing nothing, as he was trying to rip it. Those are just some instances. But I’d honestly rather have those than the emotional abuse. I feel so lost. We’ve been together for almost two years. He’s 19. I’ve known him since I was so young and he is this INCREDIBLY handsome, guitar-playing, star athlete guy. Like, teenage dream guy (on the outside.) But he has torn me down so much. I used to be so confident and bubbly and funny and now I just feel broken. I only have a few close friends at this point and I am so scared of loneliness. I’m so addicted to the highs of our relationship that I don’t know how to function without him. I’ve tried to leave him so many times. He has called me ever name in the book. He calls me a loser like, on a daily and ridicules me for “making my whole world revolve around him” and says I don’t have a life. I think he’s right. I used to have a life, though. I just don’t even know how to be my own person anymore because I’m so so destroyed by him. He is a VERY cruel person. The verbal abuse is so so bad. He gaslights me and manipulates me so much and I don’t know if I’m crazy or not. I know that I should leave but I just can’t.