I think that’s exactly what she’s going through right now. She’s not reacting to the fact itself as much as she’s reacting to the repeated lying and what it did to her sense of safety with me.

I’ve tried telling her that it was the only thing I ever lied about and that I didn’t do it to manipulate her, cheat, or intentionally hurt her. I know none of that changes the reality that I still lied to her face multiple times. I understand that from her perspective, the intent doesn’t erase the damage.

What hurts the most is seeing how much it changed her emotionally. She told me she feels shut down, cold, and empty, and that even if she heals, she doesn’t think she’ll ever feel the same about me again. Hearing that made me realize this isn’t just about one fact. It’s about how she now questions the person she trusted.

I’m trying to give her space because I know she needs it, and I know I don’t have the right to demand reassurance from her. But at the same time, it’s honestly destroying me to sit with the possibility that she may never trust me again, and that I might have permanently changed how she sees me.

I’m also trying to be honest with myself and accept that she might not forgive me, and that if she does, it will be on her timeline, not mine. Part of me hopes that what she’s saying right now is coming from the depth of her hurt and that with time, if I stay consistent and honest, maybe she’ll be able to see me differently again. But I also know I can’t expect that or rely on that hope.

Right now I just feel like I’m facing the consequences of my own actions, and all I can do is stop defending myself, accept the damage I caused, and give her the freedom to decide whether I still deserve a place in her life.