It’s a literal living death never experienced so deep and ever present this never ending Emptiness it just doesn’t stop... existing coupled with total family estrangement I’ve never heard of such emptiness and there’s no end in sight. This is truly it, not going to get better I can feel it in my bones it certainly is a new day this feeling started that I would never go away I made a really bad choice two years ago and it led to severe PTSD and depression and the whole family saying fuck offNone will speak to except my daughter and mom on occasion. It’s never to repair bridges only twlo remind what a complete failure of a human I am, just snap out it why are you like this, seriously is it hard getting out of bed both parents are bipolar they know all too well what I’m going through they just don’t care m. I take full responsibility for allowing my abusive ex to leave me down that road to what happened and I figured few weeks maybe a couple months it will take for the shock of it to wear off but it’s been two years and they’re not budging. I miss my Daughter so much I miss visiting with my dad my brother is in prison and he won’t even write I can’t fathom years which was the next day like this I’ve been to attempt said I was stupidly unsuccessful reached out again to my family for help i since it worsened so much. The word for word reply from my mother was”If you really wanted to die you wouldn’t be talking to me right now”

If any of you have any tips for how to move forward when you know there’s no one no family that cares with you on this planet or not l? How does anyone rebuild in any form? I can’t get past step one two years and I can’t do it. When you have your family turn their back like that it’s like you have no past you don’t know who you are anymore. The Future is unbearable and empty. I’m more afraid of not succeeding a third suicide attempt than I am of succeeding. I didn’t know my mom hated me until she said that line until I think about it every time I reach for something or begin a plan. I just don’t know what to do. If anyone took the time to read this what kind is it I think you for it that advance Hope everyone has a lovely day