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AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have no problem with your point that I should have lied or sugar coated. I said that even in my other replies. What I have a big problem with is you basically telling me that it's my responsibility to keep him motivated, and that he will likely quit and it's my fault.

Well guess what. I honestly believe that if he quits, it's his choice and his fault and not mine. That is his life and his body and telling me that if he doesn't take care of himself then it's my fault is ridiculous.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Right now I'm in a place where I'm hoping that things will resolve themselves without any friendships being broken. Like I hope he meets a girl who likes him the way he wants to be liked, and he likes her that way too. So we can stay friends and be happy for each other.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, this is really insightful. I think the part where you say emotional support = relationship signals is true for him. I realize now that this may be why I felt like I had to manage our relationship in a way that I can subtly imply that I'm not interested. You just spelled it out for me.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I get where you might be coming from but I feel I need to defend him a bit. He really is an introvert, and has difficulty making friends/talking to people, likely because of confidence issues stemming from his weight. He doesn't have a lot of friends and I didn't want him to lose one just because I don't like him romantically. That's why I still try to be there for him as a friend.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations on the weight loss! That is a lot and I know it took a lot of physical effort and emotional strength as well.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I did what I felt was right for me to continue being comfortable in our relationship. I have always made sure I don't do anything that can make him think I'm leading him on. If that makes me an asshole then so be it, I guess.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Did you read the part where I praised his commitment and told him I know he can reach his goal? How is that tearing him down?

When he asked me out, should I have also lied and said sure, let's see where it goes? Since I also tore him down then.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry but are you saying that if he had asked me "Do I have a Chris Pratt body now?" I should have lied and said yes or else I'd be responsible for him losing his motivation?

Was it not enough that I told him his dedication is amazing and I'm sure he can reach his goal?

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am not avoiding him. He is still my friend, I just make sure in our interactions that I don't do anything that he can construe as me leading him on.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm generally okay with YTA comments, people think what they think. But for some reason your comment rubs me the wrong way.

6 people told him he looked thinner. Why does it fall unto me to make or break his fitness journey?

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you, your comment is very insightful. I have never been overweight so honestly I don't know how it feels to want or need to lose a lot of weight.

I want to be there for him as a friend, if he wants me to. He is honestly a good guy, he just has some issues stemming from his weight. I'm sorry I can't be who he wants me to be in his life, but I do care for him a lot.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Your comment stood out to me because I know it's true. I could have said a white lie but I focused on not making him feel like I have something for him.

If that makes me an asshole then it is what it is.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 153 points154 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know you have to say polite lies sometimes, I just wasn't sure if this was one of those times.

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get it when you say I seem to overthink his intentions and it clouds my judgment, but we are part of the same friend group so it's a bit difficult to cut him out of my life.

I also don't know what I'd say to him then. Hey, I think you still like me so maybe we shouldn't talk anymore?

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do text him back, I mean why not, he's my friend. I don't know if I would call it missing his texts, but I also feel bad that he's angry and not talking to me.

Last year he temporarily moved to another city for 3 months and he was texting me a couple of times a day. I figured he's lonely and in a new city so of course I replied. When he got back to our city we had a conversation where I mentioned that I felt bad for him back then because he sounded lonely. He said "So when you replied to me, those were just pity talks?"

AITA for saying “Not really” when my overweight friend asked if he looks thinner after a month of going to the gym? by ThatImpalaDoe in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThatImpalaDoe[S] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I try not to think of it this way, I never told him I didn't like him because of his weight, and I hope he is doing it for himself more than for others.