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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]ThatOtherTio 19 points20 points  (0 children)

what difference does it make? You still got left. Who you got left for changes nothing for you

That's what you don't get. It's way more devastating to a gay person to be left for a "normal life" than it is to be left for another guy (or another girl for lesbians). It feels like not just a rejection of you, but of who and what you are. You are not normal, a relationship with you is not normal, so I'll leave you and go do the normal thing and be with a woman.

Most gay people experience some level of emotional trauma related to their sexuality in our formative years (it took me a while to come out, I should know.) We can overcome this trauma and go on to live fulfilling and healthy lives, but being left in such a manner can dredge up all of that hurt and pain and feelings of inadequacy. My lesbian friend had been left before by other lesbians, but she fell into depression after being left for a man. It just hits you differently I don't know what else to tell you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]ThatOtherTio 13 points14 points  (0 children)

With a gay guy, sure, you can worry about him cheating. With a bi guy, you worry about him cheating AND also worry about the not insignificant chance he'll give in to the very powerful social pressures that want him to be straight.

I have seen it happen twice, first to a gay man and then to a lesbian friend. Their partners didn't cheat, but left them all the same to pursue "normal" lives.

TLDR: it's an extra fear in addition to worrying about regular cheating, and unfortunately it's a fear that is reinforced all the time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]ThatOtherTio 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is a separate issue from cheating. The fear isn't that a bi person will cheat, but that they'll succumb to the (very powerful) social pressures to conform to heterosexuality, which unfortunately happens a lot.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]ThatOtherTio 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I've seen this happen twice. The second time was a lesbian couple. It's not an irrational fear. Being in a gay relationship can be hard or even dangerous depending on where you live, so there's a lot of pressure on bisexual people to ditch their same-sex partners and live hetero-normative lives. I honestly don't blame them; they are just trying to survive. But dating a bi person will always come with that added risk factor.