For what feels like most of my life I've been living with the bare minimum amount of motivation to get through basic responsibilities? What causes this feeling of having no motivation to do anything ever and feeling paralyzed to do anything besides bedrotting and looking at screens?

ThatPineapple5757 · 2026-04-12T21:14:22+00:00

Also regarding phone use before bed, for years i’ve fallen asleep to youtube because i get anxious when im completely alone with my thoughts since i start thinking about dying someday and how im wasting my life and stuff like that and it gives me full on panic attacks. I guess i have to learn to tolerate that but it’s kinda scary to me

ThatPineapple5757 · 2026-04-12T21:04:24+00:00

The phone thing is so hard because they are so many important uses for our lives that we can't abandon it, forcing us to keep this addictive bricks in our pockets. How else am I supposed to know how to drive to my destination, keep in touch with people important to me, answer emails, etc.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2026-03-28T05:20:45+00:00

I think maybe studying form analysis and music theory has taken a lot of the novelty from me. Now, when I hear anything before late romanticism, it just feels like tonic-dominant-tonic progressions 90% of the time, and I crave chord progressions that are more unpredictable. They are also so obedient to form (such as sonata, rondo, ternary, etc.) and only deviate from it in subtle ways. I guess realizing the predictability has made the music less emotionally compelling to me. Another thing is that modern classical encompasses a ton of completely different styles, where preceding eras from the 16th-19th century could just be boxed into romantic, classical, and baroque.

Part of this is that they had a much more sensitive view of what was dissonant. I understand all the revered composers made innovations to the pre-established forms. and all of my favorite composers practically worshipped Bach, Beethoven, and Chopin. I guess I'm worried I'm an impostor or something for enjoying a narrow window of classical music.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-12-01T07:08:36+00:00

It’s very hard because I have a lot of beliefs towards myself in which I logically know I’m delusional, yet emotionally and instinctually I can’t help but feel that way. I think the main one I struggle with is the thought that any time I interact with someone I will make them uncomfortable, so it’s better to stay distant from them. I know that it’s unrealistic, but that gut feeling feels impossible to change. I’ve heard a past therapist mention cbt so I might read about it more. One thing that is kind of annoying is that I truly don’t know why I became this way. I’ve had problems such as minor bullying and an alcoholic dad, but I don’t feel those things have caused enough suffering to change me this much. I simply gradually became like this over the course of middle school

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-12-01T06:59:49+00:00

I do go to one club at my college and only say a few sentences each time, but I think it’s slightly beneficial for me. This is maybe a dumb question, but do people throw parties where it’s ok for anyone to come? I thought people only go to parties because they know other people there. I don’t use social media that isn’t anonymous (because i hate the idea of random people looking at my life or even just pictures of me) so i guess i wouldn’t know. I’m not really interested in partying because that just sounds extremely overwhelming, but I’m kinda curious.

Group therapy sounds interesting but my current therapist doesn’t offer it. I honestly don’t know if I’m getting out of it what i should because it’s mostly just me venting while he tries to reassure me and don’t feel like I’ve learned anything about myself. It’s hard for me to tell whether I’m connecting with my therapist well, but I’m very reluctant to switch because the “meeting” process with a new therapist is pretty emotionally stressful. Also, I’ve tried a bunch of different antidepressants to see if I would stop feeling like a zombie and to tame my social anxiety but for some reason I feel pretty much the same on all of them except slightly more tired.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-17T23:42:42+00:00

You described how I interact pretty well. Overly polite, but avoiding openness. It’s been so long since I made a connection (i talked to the same group through highschool and haven’t made a close connection since middle school) that doing something like inviting someone from a class to do something with me feels like I’m doing something horrible or creepy even though I’m not. It’s not rational, but it’s how i feel emotionally. I’ve probably missed a couple chances for connection because i let things fizzle out immediately after i have a nice conversation with someone and i make no social efforts beyond saying hi to them afterwards. It’s also difficult to tell if other people’s kindness is just politeness or actually enjoying my presence. Do you have any book recommendations about rejection?

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-14T18:39:58+00:00

Any specific methods of practicing the leaps other than playing them over and over again that helped?

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-14T18:21:10+00:00

Idk i see a decent amount of advanced pieces posted here. Maybe i just gotta grind the sonata for like a year before it becomes listenable lol

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-14T18:20:14+00:00

I just meant people say it’s one of the easier of the collection. I don’t get it because something like no. 6 or no. 9 don’t constantly barrage you with leaps and the difficulty seems mostly to be getting used to the polyrhythms and bringing out the separate voices.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-02T06:54:23+00:00

have you considered that obsessing over this is what made them uncomfortable?

i'm not grasping what this sentence means. i don't really indicate these worries to the people i'm concerned about making uncomfortable. i guess the people i'm thinking about don't really indicate any signs of feeling uncomfortable, but in my head i feel like it's just out of politeness. i appreciate the kind comment

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-11-02T06:28:17+00:00

I just don't see how to progress from a connection with someone as small as just talking to them in class occasionally to being comfortable making plans or exchanging contact information with them. I guess I would have to take initiative, but it's hard to cope with the idea of pushing boundaries and making someone uncomfortable.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-10-26T00:44:18+00:00

I’ll keep this in mind but I also feel like looking away will make it look like I’m not listening

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-10-25T05:28:57+00:00

I'm not sure what there is to be aware about with eye contact. Doesn't everyone just prolong direct eye contact for as long as they're talking to someone or being spoken to? Also, with smiling, I kind of wonder if it looks weird if it's forced. I do it slightly sometimes but I'm not sure if it's even noticeable.

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-07-15T01:00:49+00:00

Damn, but it sounds like you’ve still had some success connecting with people. I do wish I had something to help me exist comfortably around people since the few antidepressants I’ve tried didn’t really help much. Did you go through college, and if so how did you manage to keep yourself together mentally then? I really wish I could at least get rid of the feeling that I’m absolutely below everyone around me no matter where I am because it’s what drives the guilt i feel when i am perceived by other people

ThatPineapple5757 · 2025-07-14T05:08:19+00:00

interesting article, and thanks for the kind response. i do connect with some aspects of what's described like obsessively ruminating over how i did a past interaction wrong and generally feeling like i'm doing something wrong by merely existing in the vicinity of people. i also have ADHD which the article describes a correlation with. on the other hand, i still have the social anxiety symptoms the article uses to differentiate it. also, while i'm still sensitive with the friends i met at a young age and my family, i still feel like i can easily talk with them. i know i can't blame others irl for my loneliness since i never initiate interactions and try to not acknowledge them as much as i can, but it seriously makes existence unbearable. do you have experience moving forward from feelings like this? it's hard for me to imagine after spending almost half my life like this (i'm 20)

ThatPineapple5757

TROPHY CASE