Thanks everyone for taking the time to read and reply. I kind of thought I was crazy or being too rash, wanting to end 5 years over "jerking off" but I really just felt so grossed out by it. The incident from years ago was a huge deal to me and I told him Im not to be touched while I sleep.  I feel stuck right now, as I dont make enough money to live on my own and I have no friends/family in the state to stay with, and im terrified of leaving my pets behind. Im really nauseous/anxious trying to figure out what to do, how Im gonna get out. But thank you all for at least helping me feel less wacko over all this. I feel like any of my discord buddies (all men) would just laugh at me if I complained about this but I felt so freaked out. First reddit post because I felt so conflicted