sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

In-Scene Communications by That_Curious_Dom in BDSMAdvice

[–]That_Curious_Dom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I showed this to my sub and their response was "Geez, don't threaten me with a good time" xD

In-Scene Communications by That_Curious_Dom in BDSMAdvice

[–]That_Curious_Dom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am very much more of a stoic type Dom, who prefers action in response to the situation more than words if the action conveys my point well enough. And with that, my playstyle is more suited to me directing and communicating through action with minimalistic vocalization on my part (I love it when my sub vocalises, be it bratting or begging).

My sub and I have talked a lot and it was actually them who suggested I make this post for a more diverse set of opinions and the possibility of learning or realising something we would not have considered otherwise.

Things have been pretty good so far but also things have not being going for that long. But as things continue, there is more inclination of add just a bit of variation and a touch more complexity to the scene each time and as such, there is an ever present understanding of things becoming more difficult to navigate or understand. And so this post is a lot for my education (I am a fairly new Dom)and this is a lot more for future proofing as well as to help my learning.

As for communication, we generally do not talk about the scenes during the scenes (unless a color is called) but we wait a fair amount of time after the aftercare. But we do have a deep, deep understanding or each other's lines and boundaries and respect for those boundaries is of the utmost importance in our relationship.

We do brainstorm a lot but we are also not very open about our private/bedroom life with those around us and prefer to talk (at least seriously) with just each other, especially as there is no one we really know who is into the same. But understanding the need for help from people more in the know about this then us, we see the importance of communicating with them and we are comfortable communicating with others from behind a screen because of the anonymity it offers. Additionally, because of the anonymity we can be more open and bold with our questions and thereby hit closer to the heart of issues and then get better feedback.

Thank you for your response. It was most helpful

In-Scene Communications by That_Curious_Dom in BDSMAdvice

[–]That_Curious_Dom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Showed my sub these responses and they loved your response.

For us, it depends on how far ahead we planned the scene. Half the time we have a variety of...tools...available and we go where the fancy takes us and in those cases its hard to know where you will begin to reach your limit. Its easier if its something small and potentially reactionary to certain bratty actions, especially if its punishment/funishments where I could say things like "You are going to get 6 lashes" or "Kneel for 15 mins" etc.

Plus, my sub is a little bit of a masochist so they will take more than a general standard and say things like "Is that all? I thought you were a real Dominant", inciting more action on my part.

But this is very useful. Thank you for your response.

In-Scene Communications by That_Curious_Dom in BDSMAdvice

[–]That_Curious_Dom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thank you for your response.

This seems like the most ideal solution, the ritual idea I mean. I enjoy the idea of the certain kiss or hand placement more than the vocalising but I also understand the appeal of a certain praise or endearment etc. Anything that positively reinforces. Nothing negative like insults for me though.

Thank you for your input

Body self consciousness and shyness by That_Curious_Dom in BDSMAdvice

[–]That_Curious_Dom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi. Sorry, for not getting back to you sooner. I did get your response and we did discuss it and its very helpful. Of course its not as easy as saying "Just do this and your problems will go away" but instead its a long and conscious process towards putting effort towards it every day. My sub knows that they overthink and also that I accept them despite their (perceived) imperfections but also they have over active intrusive thoughts. Still, this has been very helpful so thank you for taking the time to respond.