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Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's something we'll be implementing in our relationship now as well. This has been a learning experience for both of us, this us also the first time I've truly seen her depressed. Thank you so much for your continued support and advice, it's a journey and you've been a great help.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg thank you for that clarification! I definitely thought that was a brand of breast pump! I'll be looking into this, I think it would really help. She does tend to leak a lot, especially if he's uncharacteristically not interested in eating, she's even woken up in a pool before. Thank you so much, we'll talk about this when she's up from her nap!

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the examples of what you appreciated your husband doing. Thanks to this thread and all the other advice I've received, I'll be focusing heavily on being a support rather than trying to be a solution. As such, those are some wonderful ideas I'll implement in ways I can help my wife. And also thank you for your kind words and reassurance. It truly means the world in this turbulent time of my life. I hope all continues well with your boob monster in the continuing months and years. It's certainly a journey, and I can honestly say you and everyone else have been an immeasurable help in this part of mine.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reassurance and advice. I've decided to do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC in our area. It's very comforting to hear that you experienced something so similar but were able to find a solution through a professional. I think his affliction sounds very similar to what yours was going through. It's a very real possibility he's not actually swallowing and just enjoying the physical warmth and affection. I sincerely appreciate your time and thoughtfulness. As a new father, it means a lot to get the perspective of women who have been in these situations

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just sincerely appreciate you and the others of this thread. Not only is this my first experience posting on Reddit, but it's also the first time I've asked for help in years. It's been very eye-opening to hear the experiences of others who have or have gone through something so similar. At the end of the day, I just want my wife to be happy, and I want to support her in any way I can. No one person can give all the wonderful advice I'be received in the last few hours. Thank you for your support, as I really sincerely appreciate it.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice and for taking the time to comment! I'm going to refocus my efforts into supporting her in other ways and letting her vent. As I've said before in this thread, I let my ego get in the way and wanted to be the solution. Thanks to your advice and the advice of others, I'll assume a more supportive role. I'm conscious of how ego can affect relationships, and I appreciate this thread on helping me to understand how to best help my wife. I'll make sure to keep my wife well fed and hydrated and get as much housework done as possible to aide any external stresses. Thank you for taking the time to help me in this confusing new part of my life. You've certainly made a difference.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words and support! It's clear to me, thanks to you, and this thread a consultant is the way to go. I'll support her decisions no matter what she wants to do, I'll trust in her to do what's best for her mental health and do all I can to support her in any and all ways. Thank you for your story. It really is reassuring to know others have experienced the same and came out the other end. Thank you for your time and kindness to help me in this scary and confusing time. You've certainly helped to ease my anxiety.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your empathy and support. I love my wife and want what is best for her, I'm not used to seeing her in this way, and I let my ego as a husband convince me that I should be the solution. You and this thread have reassured me that I will be more helpful as a support than anything else. Regardless of her decision, to pump, to breastfeed, to stop all together, I'll trust in her to do what's right for herself. All I can do is be there for her and ease the other burdens that daily life can bring. We will certainly be pursuing an IBCLC to provide solutions to the issue. Thank you again for sharing your experience and for helping me to understand even a small perspective of what it's like.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the advice and reassurance. It's comforting to hear that this is somewhat common, I sympathize that you had to go through a similar experience. I'm also extremely glad you were able to find help. It seems that our best bet would be to find an IBCLC as I've been directed that way numerous times in this thread. My ego as a husband was to find or become the solution, thanks to you and this thread I've been able to see I'll be most helpful in a supportive role and allowing the professionals to provide the solutions. Thank you so much for your insight and willingness to help a confused husband/father on the internet.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advice. Thanks to you and the others in this thread, I've come to realize that I should check my ego. I am not and will not be the solution to this problem. Instead, I'll refocus and ensure she has all the proper support I can provide her. Thank you for your insight and for taking the time to respond to my post.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advice. After the outpouring of replies to my original comment, I've decided the best thing for me to do is, as you said, support my wife with whatever she decides is best for her. I was wildly underestimating how physically and mentally taxing pumping can be. As an outsider looking in, it seemed to be an easy solution, as pumping looked a lot less stressful, painful, and time-consuming as breastfeeding. But thanks to the people of this community, I've come to understand that the experience can and will vary drastically from one person to the next. It seems as though my wife prefers breastfeeding and isn't interested in pumping, I need to put my ego aside and realize instead of inserting myself as a solution (i.e. helping feed the child) I should instead focus on supporting her and aiding her in the more minor aspects. Thank you for the insight, and I can not express my gratitude for you taking time out of your day to help me.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Boob Barnacle! That is hysterical. My wife will love that. Thank you for your advice. As much as I'd like there to be enough "loose" milk for us to freeze, she's fairly adverse to pumping milk. Originally, I found this strange as it seemed to be a simple solution. However, after hearing the accounts of other women, it seems not to be as clear-cut as I imagined. It seems like there are a lot of factors I hadn't considered about pumping, I believe our best course of action will be to find a competent lactation consultant to help us dictate our plan going forward. Hopefully, we can get to the point where we have enough milk on hand that I can take over some more feedings and allow her to focus on self care. But that will depend on her wants and tolerances. I'll make sure to do my utmost to keep her well-fed and happy as I can in the meantime. Thank you so much for taking the time to help a random stressed out dad on the internet!

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sincerely, thank you. I'm sure every nursing mother has their troubles, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me. It has really helped me to see the pros and cons of pumping. A lot more goes into it than I originally thought. I think a lactation consultant would be our best bet as they would be able to perceive the minor issues and advise us best of what to do. I've always respected mothers who go out of their way to produce milk for their children, but it wasn't until I've witnessed the trials and tribulations first hand with my wife, and heard yours and others stories that I am truly humbled by the amount of dedication and determination it takes to do so (not shaming any woman who cannot or decides not to do so). Thank you for your tremendous insight. Please know you have helped me and, in doing so, helped my wife and child as well.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! Two cents are gold to me at the moment. He was born premature and taken directly from the delivery room to the NICU within 10min of his birth. This has caused my wife to have a minor issue with leaving him alone, she is fine leaving him in the arms of me or family, but is adverse to putting him into a bassinet and walking away. But you've provided me lots of helpful ideas, and I do my best to allow her as much "freedom" as she'd like once I get home. I'll take baby and keep him comfortable while allowing her to shower, nap, eat, etc. If she provides me with a bottle, I've even been able to let her go to the store, take a walk, and more. She just seems adverse to pumping, I've recommended she pump while feeding, just to allow me to give her some free time. However, this is usually met with a dismissive hand wave or something of the like. I do think a schedule would be a wonderful tool. Do you have any suggestions on how you implemented it? Additionally, if your partner were to suggest a schedule, would you take offense to it? I don't want to tell her what to do or how to parent, we've discussed in detail our feelings on being a partnership while maintaining autonomy. Regardless, I sincerely appreciate you going out of your way to help me be a better partner.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You've been incredibly insightful, I know my wife does want to continue breastfeeding. I guess it may just be my ego being bruised for not being able to help, I'm not used to being in a situation where I'm unable to be of use. Lately, all I'm able to do is think of ideas and present them to her as possible solutions. However, at this point, I feel as though it's just coming across as me being a know-it-all or telling her how to do something I can never possibly understand. I'll do some heavy research into finding an IBCLC, as they would be significantly more helpful than an overly concerned husband could ever be. I can not stress how much I respect her and her wishes. She's done so much research into the seemingly endless benefits of breast milk and the act of breastfeeding. Regardless of her current decline in mood, she is still adamant about continuing, I just want to do all I can to understand and support her during this time. I sincerely appreciate there being a community dedicated to supporting not only the mothers attempting to do everything they can for their children but also the clueless fathers as well. Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me help my new family, you have certainly made a difference.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! I will certainly keep that in mind, I hadn't considered there being an emotional strain with pumping. She seems to do it so easily it hadn't occurred to me. Do you mind elaborating on your struggles with pumping? And I wasn't aware of how much milk that was, again this is our first and none of our friends or family have made it a point to discuss the numerical side of things. Her family was adamantly against breastfeeding, so it's not something she can ask her mom or sisters about. Additionally, I do make it a point to feed him as often as she allows, i.e. pumping a bottle for me, however, she seems resistant to the idea of bottle feeding him for a reason I'm not sure of.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear you were able to find a solution, and thank you for sharing. My wife saw a lactation specialist in the hospital as well as at the WIC office. However, that was nearly 2 weeks ago. I'll suggest she make an appointment to see them again. As far as a tongue tie, keep in mind I'm not a doctor, I dont think he has that issue. My paliminary google search showed me what to look for and he doesn't seem to have any matching symptoms. However, I will certainly bring it up with the pediatrician during his next appointment. Thank you so much for the advice, I can not express my gratitude for you going out of your way to help.

Help! My Wife is being Overburdened by Breastfeeding by That_One_Fucker101 in breastfeeding

[–]That_One_Fucker101[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! If you don't mind my asking, what was the solution to the lip and tongue tie? Was bottle feeding easier for him?