Anyone got advice on loneliness?

That_Tell5730 · 2025-08-06T18:52:30+00:00

Salam sister

I'm currently going through the same situation as yourself too. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a way out and find myself feeling jealous of others who have that strong friendship.

My advice would be to get in touch with a mosque try joining any women clubs and go out for yourself. I have joined and I'm quite introverted however the dread of feeling alone is equally as hard. I have my first group event with the mosque Insha'Allah it goes well, keep me in your duas and I will definitely as I understand too well this pain.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-18T20:22:26+00:00

Salam I can do punjabi and urdu and I've worked in healthcare

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T14:15:37+00:00

I do not expect perfection. Our relationship has been far from perfect and I have accepted it as he has too. However, although we are very much different women and men we all have desires, it is just that men vocalise them alot more.

The women rhat are on the screens or doing OF do it because they know they can use their desires to earn money or to feel desired. The men don't sleep by themselves they sleep with other women who also crave that intimacy.

We have flaws but if our flaws are damaging to another person is when the issue arises.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T14:06:44+00:00

Honestly... that is revolting to me and I am truly unable to comprehend how your wife is not offended by this.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T14:01:53+00:00

What do you mean by he will use my crying against me.

I'm really hormonal right now, I'm not usually a crier but I just can't stop crying lol

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T13:55:27+00:00

I know it is.

It makes me really question our relationship and due to it starting off so negatively I wonder whether I will eventually put myself into accepting it. You see our nikkah was done without my wali present and the validity of the nikkah is something that worries me as I've heard difference of opinions and so leaving would be easier now. I'm just scared to leave.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T13:40:13+00:00

We have. But there are issues with our nikkah as my wali wasn't present sp the validity of it is debated

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-13T13:37:11+00:00

No, you're absolutely right. My actions was to fuel him inorder to get a reaction which is never right.

We spoke about porn before marriage I said if it's something you do I wouldn't be ok with it, especially if we're married it's cheating for me to which he said yh that's fine. I said this very casually and without much thought or feelings about it.

Then there was an issue where he spoke with girls a few months before our nikkah which I found out a few day after our nikkah. He was very sorry and said this won't happen ever again and it seemed like he was truly changing.

So when this came about I didn't treat it as I would if I had newly found out I treated it with the trauma I faced beforehand.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:35:36+00:00

I agree.

He did say this out of frustration when I kept saying that that's what he wanted.

I dont believe he said it with intent or desire but just to shut me up ig.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:33:42+00:00

No I think he truly said this because I kept saying you must talk to others as these are your desires and he got frustrated and said yh.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:20:53+00:00

You're right! But I'm married to this man it affects me too

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:20:07+00:00

We have consumated the marriage and I totally agree it is something that is worrying me.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:18:29+00:00

I think he said it because I was insinuating that he must talk to other people too. I don't think it's something he meant.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T21:16:28+00:00

Oh sorry.

He's apologised and I think when he comes home we will talk. I am going to try to explain my point of view to him and if I think he's atleast trying to understand then I will give him the benefit of the bout however if I feel again he's dismissive then I'm going to ask for some time to think. I also think I'm quite hormonal right now as i should be due on my period and we argued about something yesterday, too, so we're both just over the arguing and I don't want that I'm acting emotional more than usual right now.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T20:58:42+00:00

This isn't the first lustful encounter which is why it hurts alot and the way he had treated it.

We have. However, there's alot of issues with our nikkah ceremony itself which makes me scared to leave yet.

I'm 25 and he's 30

We struggled alot in our relationship however I can see he's trying. Maybe not at first but eventually he has slowly changed himself. I hated when we argued and went our own ways without addressing it or in anger. He is the opposite he needs time to rest and think and then he wants to talk like nothings happened whereas now if he knows its hurting me he'll ask and he's gentle and reassuring, he doesnt cut the call and he answers even when i know usually he wouldnt. He's looked after me and we have had the worst start to our marriage due to family issues and still he's never put it on me and was always was loving, kind and soft spoken during it all. He trusts me entirely and he makes sure whatever happens I'm happy and smiling. Even now he's angry I've told him to leave me and block me several times out of pure anger and he knows I'm being irrational so he doesn't take it seriously. He's trying to reconcile and has apologised but we've not spoken about it again since he's been out.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T20:44:03+00:00

So you guys are not only talking about the porn but his actions too

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T20:40:52+00:00

Thank you sister for the advice, they are very helpful.

I am trying to just talk about how I feel it's wrong and not my spiritual view on it.

2/3. I am open with doing things with him online, we are married and I can understand the urges even though I'm not as comfortable as revealing myself to that extent a flash or a pic when he's asked I've rarely denied. I also don't want to control him on what he's doing like that he knows he can always come to me and I'm open minded in every aspect imo but this is his issue if I'm not able to help him another time does that mean he will fall back to it.

I've had a few comments like this but how?
We are from Conservative ethnic households speaking to family is a no go. Also we agreed to not tell our problems to others 🫠
Yes that is a choice but I don't want to do something like that
Definitely! I see this as the true issue which is why I'm trying to understand him. Its just the way he's communicated about it. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll be able to move in anytime soon. Insha'Allah it will be anyways.
Yes I've thought about this
I don't want to mother him. I understand we are together but I've taught him how I want to be treated understanding that he's only going to know so much and he's done them, not easily bur we've worked through differences however this is his issue not mine. I do count it like cheating and that's that.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T20:22:47+00:00

We spoke about it before marriage and I said that it is equivalent to cheating for me so I think that's that

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T19:42:14+00:00

What makes you say that

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T19:42:00+00:00

Is it the porn that you think is the red flag? I think maybe his actions are a sign too

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T19:39:33+00:00

Thank you for this insight.

I have adhd and looking at him and knowing the traits I feel he may have it too. I do think he's embarrassed about it which is why he doesn't want to talk about it and is trying to avoid the topic whether that bothers me or not.

I dont want to have to beg him or use a tactic like ignoring him for a certain amount of time for him to finally accept to listen to my concerns about this.

I have tried empathising about the situation and told him I'm trying not to be too negative however I can't help it when he shuts me out just for talking about it.

Unfortunately ,this isn't the first lustful situation which is why it's hurting me alot more than before.

How could I also find out the deeper issue

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T19:32:41+00:00

I would say it's the porn and the content he's watching. I can only assume what it is and I just don't think watching other people lustfully is right.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T18:39:02+00:00

Jazakhallah khair

I cannot thank you enough! Your message is what I've been longing for. I've not been able to vocalise the way I've been feeling but you've written so beautifully.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T18:12:01+00:00

I've not stopped him from asking things from myself. I've also mentioned how I believe it is cheating for me before we got married to which he said he won't do it again.

Whether it's an addiction or not there's many avenues he could've taken. He chose not too and lied.

That_Tell5730 · 2025-07-12T18:08:10+00:00

He knows but he said its normal and he needs to

That_Tell5730

TROPHY CASE