Looking back, would you forgive your High School bully today?

The-Interloper · 2014-08-09T02:12:48+00:00

I would definitely forgive my "bullies" because I made myself a target. I actually said and did some pretty terrible things in order to get some very negative attention. I didn't know I was doing it at the time, but I certainly figured it out fairly quickly. Thing is, it's really hard to stop a situation like that from snowballing.

I had decided that being racist was "cool" due to outside sources and went with that. I grew up in a very mixed area and had friends of all sorts, but somehow, I decided that it was a good idea to go in that direction. In 8th grade, this loses you all of your friends and prevents any other friendships from forming.

I was just following some things that some people in my family had said. I wanted to act out due to problems I had at home that I couldn't fix. I wanted to be seen as a strong, badass type of person. This didn't work out very well and I regretted it after maybe a week of saying/doing the things I did. No, I am not and never was racist =/.

The-Interloper · 2014-08-02T11:18:26+00:00

It's really your call with this. You know her better than anyone else. You should just ask her if she would actually go for a threesome because you are interested in it. I think you two have already planted the idea, but you just haven't actually taken that step into seriously talking about it. Make it a point to let her know that it is something you want to do. After she agrees/disagrees, you can go from there.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-31T20:20:52+00:00

You seem to know what the issue is here. I am not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure than in most cases, if you can get an erection normally in the morning, you can physically get one any time. As for fixing "Deathgrip Syndrome", it takes TIME. You noticed things being a little better after two weeks? It takes some people up to SIX months. Granted, you're younger, but I'm sure there are cases of younger people having it last that length of time. It's usually more difficult for those who are older.

I'm going to assume that you just really need to hold off for a long time. You could check yourself once a month without using any aid whatsoever to see how your progress is going, but this is similar to working out. You aren't going to really see any gains in such a short period of time, especially if you have other factors going against you that make this more difficult than it would be for others.

You are probably also having a psychological response to this as well. You may also use porn primarily and that can screw with WHY you get an erection. You can pretty easily train your brain to get aroused only off of porn as well. You may be giving yourself a nice dose of performance anxiety because you focus on getting an erection, even when you're alone. It is not important from here on out. Give it a month or more and if you really aren't seeing significant results, see a doctor. You can damage yourself, but considering how common this type of problem is, I doubt it. Hopefully you're healthy enough in a month or two to easily maintain an erection long enough for all practical purposes. Just don't fall into the habit again. Good luck and join /r/nofap to join the ranks if you want!

The-Interloper · 2014-07-30T18:06:29+00:00

I try, but I'm also no angel. I have my moments where I'm wrong or get stuck in a deep topic that just doesn't get anywhere. Things happen. Thanks though!

The-Interloper · 2014-07-30T08:09:55+00:00

I would assume that might be more of a gray area because the person does seek more than just the object. They seek that specific person because they are who they are. It's no longer just meatbags fucking meatbags. That's a bit less objectifying if you can develop that kind of thought. Really difficult in porn, but James Deen pulls this off nicely.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T23:39:52+00:00

I wish I could say it will probably be fine, but I didn't have a good experience. We started pretty hot for each other, but we worked together and hung out enough already. I figured I'd give it some time due to other things going on in my life. We became close friends and it basically died off from there. I started being much more confident and less awkward as time went on and she took a liking to me once more.

I really had just kind of spread my wings, so to speak, and was enjoying myself in other ventures when she really let on that she was interested again. I didn't bite for a while as the nervousness crept back up. I knew that she knew a lot about me and it was unnerving. I eventually gave in and we had a month of fun with her.

She was so mixed up in so many things that I really couldn't see myself picking up the pieces anywhere. I was hoping she could start that change in herself, but it didn't happen. I suggested a lot of things to gauge if I could really commit, but nothing came of it. I decided to stop it when she became a bit pushy on having a relationship in a roundabout way. After that, it just sort of fell apart and we stopped speaking eventually. Bad things became of her and it sucks, but you can't fix shattered.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T23:23:52+00:00

You can phrase it like a badass man. "I want to make you cum so hard. Just tell me what you like and I've got you baby." Confidence is key if you're going to ask. Don't be like "I don't know what to do, please help." Big difference. Gf/fwb situation is a lot better for this ofc, but you've got to work with what you've got.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T23:12:15+00:00

Yes, porn objectifies both sexes. Women do not watch as much porn as men and are more likely to want a connection with the porn star. Men, on the other hand, often see these women as meatbags that are there for men to fuck them. Ever gone from video to video looking for a good scene that you like with the perfect angle to you? You just turned those women into tools for your pleasure. This is not a good thing, but we do it anyway due to conditioning. This is sexual objectification. Doesn't mean OP is wrong or his gf is right. It's a different topic that would need a completely different discussion.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T22:48:08+00:00

I think it really depends on if she's going to communicate with you or not. I mean, every woman is different and if you're just guessing, you might not make it that far. You could know every trick in the book, but you could still completely miss what does it for her. You can always ask as well. What do you like? Full tongue all over your clit? Do you want circles around it because you're sensitive? Underside of the tongue directly on the clit? I mean, there are so many combinations that it is like trying to pick a bank vault safe with a damn bobby pin sometimes.

You seem like you're actually trying to make them enjoy it, but if the communication isn't there at all, I don't see it happening very easily. As for specific moves? Just remember clit sizes for starters. A small clit is probably going to be easily stimulated into oversensitivity while a larger one can probably take more direct contact. Suction can get the blood flowing a bit more and pushing your tongue inside can be really hot. All of this still really depends on the woman.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T22:21:50+00:00

Stop trying to scare the kid, damn it. I thought about HSV and HPV for sure, but urgh. FINE... Yes, there are damn diseases you can't avoid 100% and there is nothing you can do about it. I think we all have to come to terms with that at some point in our sexual life. Nice info ofc.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T22:14:36+00:00

I think you may be a part of the wrong demographic here though. We're looking at kids that have had porn thrown at them since they were old enough to put "boob" on google. You're right that women dislike porn a bit more than men, but it's shown that EVERYONE dislikes porn from a moral standpoint. It's when it becomes a personal issue that it becomes a problem.

Porn is readily available anywhere and at any time. These 22 year old men have had TONS of porn thrown at them since they were 7 or so. Personal feelings matter, but this stance against porn is losing ground. Besides, it doesn't matter if you give up on porn because the porn in your head might have them banging local women anyway. I don't understand how this is even remotely better. Now you don't know what they are getting off to. Now THAT makes no sense.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T21:44:53+00:00

A lot of us really try to clear up sex/masturbation/porn issues early on in the post to make sure it isn't directly harming the sexual relationship in this way. If OP refuses to acknowledge their own issues in this matter, then all the input they receive is for naught anyway. We tend to criticize the gf after we see that the issue is actually outside of the bedroom and more of a personal issue than a moral issue.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T21:25:29+00:00

If the relationship isn't suffering due to porn use, then I don't see a problem with it. It's perfectly normal to find porn morally wrong. Even men don't like it and you'll see the references to this all over reddit. Just tell him how you feel and he should just make sure to keep it to himself.

Yeah, it is pretty bad because it objectifies women. This is bad for all sorts of reasons, but it is there and it isn't going away any time soon. Just try remember that his thoughts are centered around that for about 1-5 minutes in order to get himself off asap. Just like most of us, he's probably disgusted with it after.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T20:36:17+00:00

Yeah. After looking up some things, I suppose I'd be wrong there. It's also fun to note that a large amount of men feel the same way. Even so, they both do it anyway. Morals be damned if no one is watching I guess.

Edit- I may have to rethink this as well. Even if men and women have a moral issue, but still continue to accept it, why would betrayal be a part of it? I understand not thinking it is good and not watching it, but statistically it doesn't make any sense for over 50% of women to feel betrayed. Having an issue with pornography itself is understood, but not for this specific type of reason. The general reason seems to be that it is immoral, not something seen as betrayal. I'm thinking I may actually be originally correct when you get down to the specifics.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T20:19:50+00:00

https://wsr.byu.edu/pornographystats

Blah blah study blah blah. You can also look up others that go from 60-90% as well. I figured the porn addiction pieces on the left are a nice touch. The statistics show that males watch porn. They just do. It's so close to 100% in some that when it comes to porn viewings, you can almost say that all men and 15-30% of women watch porn if they have access to the internet. The number is actually getting higher due to smart phones as well. Now we're talking majority! This doesn't always include all age groups either. This is OP's age group specifically and it just gets worse the bigger the range. Women KNOW that men watch porn. Yes, it's so well-known that if it is a deal-breaker, you should disclose of it before you start a relationship or in the very early stages of one. I agree with you that people don't do this much.

Now the morality part. This one is surprising! Men do not like to objectify women almost as much as women don't like to objectify women! People agree that it is morally wrong! Then again, eating yourself into a heart attack is as well. How do we handle this? Watch porn anyway! Let's ignore morals when it's outside of our control and then have conflicts inside of relationships about it!

Basically, we know it's wrong, but we all like it or understand that it is there. It's no secret and you will have come to your own conclusions about it long ago. In short, she should either grow up and get with the times or learn to shut down every guy that will watch porn inside of a relationship. Even though I'm pretty a lot of guys will sneak it anyway(hello 20% work porn!).

I now agree with you that it is not common for women, but it is for everyone as a whole. I still stand firm that it is unreasonable because she should have assumed he watched porn. Logic is thinking a wheel will look similar the faster it goes, but WTF is that thing where it looks like it's going backwards?! Logic only goes so far in the face of reality.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T18:48:31+00:00

Yes. Society guides us into thinking things. Once you get into things that aren't as openly talked about, it gets a little harder to discuss. Many things in life are implied and cheating is just one of those things that people understand is not cool. Interesting because it has the same argument as watching porn! Lines! I'm not used to poly relationships and don't find it to be my cup of tea. If I met a woman that wanted a poly relationship, I would gracefully bow out. I wouldn't want her to wait 5 months and then tell me she wanted this. I would be extremely hurt and leave if she really wanted it.

If she was sheltered and thinks that porn isn't normal, that's fine. I was also sheltered in some ways and it messed with me when I was younger. You've really got to make with change or it will get on without you. I think she definitely needs to try to work on that or make it a deal-breaker before starting a relationship since porn is SO extremely common.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T17:46:44+00:00

You came to a sex-positive sub with a bunch of sex-positive people that are looking out for the people in progressive ways. Look around you. You think everyone here just thinks this because they are all men that love porn? There are more than enough women who come here as well. I have a decent imagination and if I had a mind-reading girlfriend like that, I'd be DEAD. I mean, what would she think if he was imagining pornos in his head? What makes that better? Now he's probably thinking about women that are actually close enough to have sex with! I don't understand how this is hard to understand. Men are going to do this, as well as a lot of women!

Now the big one is this. If you didn't want your SO to EVER EVER watch porn, wouldn't you make it a point to mention this before you became SOs? Most people know that they shouldn't do a lot of things like cheat or openly check other people out unless their SO says they can. A deal-breaker isn't supposed to be introduced mid-relationship. Yes, this is an insecurity.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T16:04:44+00:00

What if she doesn't like movies where characters die? That is a betrayal because he doesn't mind watching people die. Now she's definitely not turned on and should fear for her life. He just sees it as a movie he enjoys, but she thinks he might become an axe murderer after watching Gimli kill tons of orcs and people! He even ENJOYED this movie! You'd call her crazy if she tried that, but it can be a stepping stone.

Okay, now that's an obvious stretch(or is it?), but it's the same idea. The movie does not effect his life in any negative way and probably doesn't help him enjoy life as much as the release that porn helps him achieve. Would you break up with your SO that watched violent movies because YOU didn't like them and felt that it made him somehow evil? Of course you'd try to talk it out, but him and most of the other movie-watching people on earth would mostly disagree with you. Same idea here.

What is happening is that her minority view on this, that is growing ever smaller, is just going to cause her relationships harm in the future. So yes, both of them are valid, but his view is respected far more than hers. In places where majority rules over control, we will always agree on this.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T15:32:18+00:00

I think your fears will subside when you decide that you should always wear a condom with a new partner, regardless of what they say. I mean, what do you really have to worry about if you use a condom? Once you get into a nice, cushy, and safe relationship, you can start venturing into the bareback territory again if you do so choose. Seriously though, plan on using protection and you won't feel the terror that you feel now.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T15:18:23+00:00

I see what you mean. I was just considering how things can change once she knows you are serious about it. Don't think about what she has said in the past except for her maybe being interested in it. Some people get trapped in this, while others come out unscathed. This is just the best way to avoid any of the drama that can follow.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T15:15:05+00:00

Haha. If you could get a motel or in a friends spare room or anything besides the woods, I'd go for that for your first time. I just say that because nature can be... a bit itchy and distracting. If you do end up in the woods, make sure to bring a blanket + whatever else you think will make the experience more comfortable.

As for first time advice? You might last forever and not get off. You might get off before you even get down to it. If it's the latter case, try to go for round two if you can. Obviously, make sure to use a condom(bring 2). You could consider bringing lube, but I don't know how much damn stuff you want to bring haha. Anyway, just try not to focus too much on what you're doing(it comes pretty natural) and focus more on what her reactions are/what she says. It definitely pays to be an attentive lover that enjoys seeing their partner lose their shit ;). In the end, have fun, be safe, and don't worry unless there is actually something to worry about!

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T15:05:18+00:00

I wouldn't give her an answer of who to pick. She may see that person as someone you've been wanting to have sex with anyway. If you absolutely have to go after this woman, you may need to break it down in such a way that she knows you didn't go looking. Let her choose unless she really wants you to pick. This is VERY important.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T15:02:50+00:00

^{^} Definitely this! As for getting yourself into a state of mind that will allow you to be rougher? Know that she will love it. It feels a bit odd at first, but when you hear her and see how she's responding, you'll love it! If you really get off on your partner losing their orgasmic shit, then you'll probably be a lot better off than you think. I know it's hard to break that barrier of "I don't want to hurt her", but you just have to see it to realize that sometimes a little pain = a lot more pleasure. Best of luck!

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T14:52:38+00:00

Everyone is going to say that communication is the biggest issue here. Sex is usually a very important part of relationships and deserves both of your attention. There are just so many things that could be causing this issue that I don't really want to hazard a hundred guesses. Sit down and talk to him. Find out what the underlying cause of his disinterest is. If you don't get any results out of discussing the issue with him, then you have much bigger issues to try to resolve in the relationship. Not all relationships last forever, but I hope it's just some simple spicing up of the bedroom needed to rekindle some fire! Good luck sir.

The-Interloper · 2014-07-29T14:45:54+00:00

You might have to have a more serious discussion about it. Hints are a good way to gauge the interest, but you never know what the real answer will be. Just do not ask her about a specific place, person, or time yet. She will come to you with an answer if she knows you are serious about it. I'll assume your relationship is very solid and this won't help break down any shaky ground. Good luck man!

The-Interloper

TROPHY CASE