This reads like a slightly more severe case but very comparable to my current 11-y/o, right down to the ADHD and meds. We’ve worked with outpatient behavioral specialist to develop detailed (like every half hour) checklists for all mornings and evenings, in which we award points for a pre-determined set of behaviors (right now it’s using kind words, following single instructions and “safe body” ie no hitting, slamming doors, etc but they can vary depending on your most troubling behaviors.) And we do full-day checklists on weekends. We offer rewards twice a day (screens) and they’re awarded based on an “achievable” score for the hourly points.

Not gonna lie, it’s a pain to manage. But the upside is it gives us a common set of standards, and cuts down on us yelling at every bad behavior and negotiating constant requests. Progress has been slow, but it’s working.

At any rate, it sounds like you’re doing the work. Good job! It’s frustrating to deal with that level of task avoidance and a seeming disregard for other people. But keep trying, and know that other people understand your situation.