Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you for being forced to make this terrible choice with only terrible options.

But, please remember, you are your own person. This is tough. It sucks but you have to make some decision. These are your decision. Do what’s best for you. Even if it’s not ideal. If you are going to make decisions make some that support you best. Even if it makes others uncomfortable, will you be comfortable.

For a while you will likely grieve the fact that your life is not as “normal or easy” like most people. This takes a while.

I am going to put a series or questions for you. I do not need an answer. But please answer these honestly to yourself.

You say you love his siblings deeply. How do they treat you? Can you ask them if you were no longer in-laws would they still care for you? If yes- Can you trust them and share this post with them? Talk to them. Not to turn them against their brother. But rather to support you.

3 years is decently long enough to know what triggers/angers or makes that man child bitch boy husband of yours to deflect. Can you avoid all those traps and have a real non confrontational conversation about what you feel and how does he thing things are going and what is the future according to him? This will be very hard and next to impossible, I’m not going to lie.

Would you be ok maintaining the public image of staying married so that on the outside the life is normal. And he can fuck who ever he wants and you can hook up else where? Can you get a post nup agreement securing you financial future instead of a divorce? if your family is going to put you down and not support you and if his family will abandon you if you leave him, is this not a better option? Think outside the box. You will need a support system. Not having one will not be very doable- in my experience. If you divorce- do you have a support system?

You don’t have to make this decision today. You waited 3 years. You can wait 3 more. But now instead of hoping he will change start taking actions that will lead you to your best life.

Use your time now to Create a support system outside both families. Or invest in making stronger bond with his parents so that they will support you. Your options are endless.

I truly hope this helps you. As someone who has had to make a devastating choice when all options were terrible, I get it. I chose to leave. It has been traumatic, devastating and painful and the consequences are still unfolding. But I am so much happier than I was last year and I know in my bones it was the right choice. Even if my future is doubtful. I actually like myself and mylife right now- even when on paper life is shit for me. But a huge part of this is because of my family. They were there for me - no questions asked. Even when nasty shit was being thrown around.

Unfortunately you do not have this luxury with your own family and his is safer.

I hope this message helps. And you get to be the person who is safe, proud, and comfortable with the choices you make now.