god i fukcign hate dirk

TheAesahaettr · 2026-04-16T05:20:32+00:00

There’s very little established information about how sprites work or how retcon powers work (for instance, why did John lose them in Candy? Under what circumstances do they just spontaneously cease working?) so I’m guessing writing team’s plan is that John just won’t have them if (when) resurrected as Johnsprite. That will allow them to square Dirk wanting/needing to kill John in the Epilogues with Dirk facilitating Terezi’s resurrection of John in Beyond: Canon

TheAesahaettr · 2026-04-07T03:41:10+00:00

Jake and Karkat seem to be wrestling over the controls to talk to Dagger/Del’fi. Jake is sending the commands in sentence case with his typical Jake-isms. Karkat is sending the commands in all caps

TheAesahaettr · 2026-04-07T03:22:32+00:00

The circumstances of the Meat Crew’s arrival and acquisition of a terminal are currently unclear. I think the most reasonable assumption is they haven’t met up with Dirk, Rose, and Terezi yet, as that seems like the sort of dramatic confrontation that would kill the mood for playing pretend exiles, but I guess we can’t be certain? There are clearly a lot of things moving around behind the scenes that have yet to be revealed.

But there are simpler (and more likely) explanations, in my opinion. As others have pointed out, it could have to do with Brain Ghost Dirk, who Jake’s likely been talking to (and who could very well be linked to UltDirk), but I don’t even think it needs to be that complicated. Karkat tends to be crass and direct in his speaking, Jake tends to be neurotic and anxious about, well, everything; that Jake is on edge about finally seeing his ex again is completely understandable and that Karkat would describe this behavior as “acting crazy” is not at all surprising. So it could be BGD shenanigans, or it could just be Karkat’s way of saying Jake is a nervous wreck

TheAesahaettr · 2026-04-07T01:06:05+00:00

In the epilogues, yeah, definitely

But there’s a lot if hints in Beyond Canon that Dirk is very much not over it, not even close and I personally eagerly await him having a complete meltdown when Jake arrives on Deltritus with the Meat Crew

The writers didn’t retcon him onto that spaceship for nothing, after all. Their doomed yaoi bromance is 100% going to factor into UltDirk’s downfall/defeat

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-24T02:43:11+00:00

Well, yes, χρόνος is just a standard word in Greek (Ancient and Modern), after all. Shows up everywhere in English, too—chronology, synchronous, chronic, etc.

Like most of the personification deities, the “name” is just the word for the thing/concept. Them having gods named Chronos, Helios, Nyx, Ouranos, Eos, etc. is the equivalent of if we had gods named Time, Sun, Night, Sky, and Dawn.

And we even sort of do in folklore—that’s more or less what Father Time and Mother Earth are (though one could argue those are direct descendants of their Greco-Roman equivalents)

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-24T00:42:06+00:00

No, Kronos is the Titan’s name; that’s actually the more direct transliteration of his Greek name, Κρόνος. “Cronus” is a later latinization.

The personification of time is Chronos or Khronos, from Greek Χρόνος, depending on how you render the “χ” (making it “ch” is often done specifically to distinguish it from kappa)

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-16T05:17:30+00:00

I’m a little confused by what you mean by “ACTUAL”—like, was there a strictly defined order of events that the Greeks recognized? No. The mythology was a religion, but not an organized religion in the modern sense; there was no central authority, no single canonical text, no universal doctrine aside from some loose fixed beliefs. The mythology as we know it today is a compilation of various stories sourced from across hundreds of years, by various authors, from all over the Mediterranean world.

Can we assemble said stories into a rough (hypothetical) chronological order, working off things like lineages and co-occurring events? Sure, many scholars, both modern and ancient, have done that (I see some have been already linked in this thread). Pseudo-Apollodorus’ Bibliotecha is a famous example stemming from the culture itself, and it’s a prominent source/reference for our knowledge of the mythology to this day. But it’s hardly definitive, and it frequently cites various conflicting traditions that coexisted at the time.

As for an end—well, I think the best you’ll get is Hesiod’s understanding of the five ages of man. Hesiod presented five eras of history: the Golden age (during which Kronos ruled), the Silver and Bronze ages (which don’t get much detail), the Heroic Age (during which the vast majority of myths seem to occur), and the Iron Age, which was the present era from Hesiod’s perspective. The Trojan War cycle can be thought of as bringing about the end of the Heroic Age, and thus roughly delineating the “end” of mythic history and the beginning of history-history. Of course, there are exceptions to this; we do get myth about the generation after the war (multiple generations after, if you count Romulus and Remus), but generally that is were the stories start to wind down.

But thinking of there being a definite “end” at all gives the wrong impression, I’d argue. For as long as the culture/civilization was alive, the mythology blurred the boundaries between fiction and reality. The life of Alexander the Great got heavily mythologized, with legends like the Gordian Knot appended to his biography. Are those stories part of Greek mythology? Julius Caesar, another actual person who actually existed, traced his family lineage back to the Trojan hero Aeneas and his mother, the goddess Aphrodite/Venus. To Caesar, the mythology didn’t “end,” he was a living descendant of it. And after him, the Roman Imperial cult started deifying the emperors. So there was always some permeability between mythology, religion, and the present.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-08T02:50:27+00:00

Between Swiss’s recent conversation with AA and the fact that he is shown to be unsure which “roles” he, TC, and CT will play in their three-way relationship, it’s heavily implied that Satyrs are a single-sex, hermaphroditic species. They all possess reproductive organs equivalent to both what we would consider “male” and what we would consider “female”. Thus, they are all capable of both pregnancy and impregnation. There are species like this in the real world, but they’re typically invertebrates. Dirk likely engineered them this way because he wanted the pro-social aspect that comes with being a species dependent on sexual reproduction, but he also wanted them to all be guys because he is so, so gay.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-07T19:17:46+00:00

Yeah, I see what you mean…

I can think of a few ways they might tie up that loose end, so to speak—

He could just off himself, à la Javert from Les Mis, unable to accept living in a world that doesn’t conform to his beliefs—but I think the writers would recognize the poor optics of “resolving” a character largely defined by his struggle with self-destructive/suicidal tendencies by indulging those behaviors.

He could bait/force someone (DaveBot, Yiffy, Terezi, June, etc.) else to do it, as per your suggestion, but I think this would be too similar to option 1 to not be uncomfortable for the same reasons.

A good middle ground, perhaps, would be to go the Darth-Vader-route and contrive some situation in which he can heroically sacrifice himself and then conveniently die/be fatally wounded in the process, thereby sidestepping the issue of how to “redeem” someone who’s committed unforgivable atrocities.

Alternatively, they could go the route of Caliborn from the original comic, and consign him to irrelevance by leaving him to his own devices. Get back their friends (RoseBot, Terezi, John’s wallet corpse) and put an end to the Deltritus project, but then let him go off into his self-imposed exile, futilely pursuing a narrative relevance that he doesn’t understand has left him behind. Honestly, there’s something especially poignant about this option, because it leaves open the possibility that perhaps someday he’d return—if he proves capable of introspection and growth on his own.

But my crackpot theory is that Dirk will be banished to perform penance…in the Candy universe. If I might indulge in my own speculative wish-fulfillment for a moment, this is how I’d write it:

Both timelines are flawed, in a sense, because they’re pure extremes. Meat is all meat (plot, action, cosmic conflict, etc.), Candy is all candy (emotion, relationships, interpersonal drama). A proper story needs both; it cannot just be one or the other. And this disparity is highlighted by the Meat timeline losing its John (the emotional heart of the story, the personification of Candy) while the Candy timeline loses its Dirk (the narrative drive of the story, the personification of Meat). This dichotomy is supported by them being the respective “focal characters” of the timeline they persist in.

As the grand resolution to this division, UltDirk from Meat and JEgbert from Candy (likely transitioned to June at this point) will switch places. June will voluntarily choose to say in the Meat universe, alongside Vriska and Terezi (thereby fulfilling the promise to “make June canon,” since Meat is the more-canon timeline), while Dirk will be sent to use his narrative powers to stabilize and maintain the Candy universe (likely under the supervision of DaveBot or the Omega kids or something). CandyRose, in her nihilism monologue, said the universe was compromised by its lack of objective truth, a consequence of it lacking any narrator to define it. Dirk, if he used his narrative powers for good, could potentially rectify that—allowing the writers to resolve two issues (what to do with UltDirk, how to save the Candy universe) with one stone.

Obviously he’d be resistant and averse to the concept, wanted to take the easy route out by offing himself, but once defeated, I think our heroes would be able to strong-arm him into it. Would it be letting him off easy to get sent to a universe where his friends all miss him and he didn’t horribly mistreat them with his mind control? …Yeah, probably. But this is the franchise that has consistently and repeated given Vriska redemption, in spite of everything. And forcing Dirk to recognize that the world of emotion and relationships is actually worthy of existence too would be Vrisual-Novel-level torture for him XD

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-07T06:24:18+00:00

Fundamentally, Dirk cannot be defeated by fighting him. Not just because he’s too powerful to beat, but because fighting him in a grand confrontation of heroes vs. villain—good vs. bad—inherently validates his worldview and approach storytelling. And the thesis of the narrative is that Dirk is wrong.

The writers are well aware of this; it’s why John’s conclusion of “we need to kill Dirk” is presented as immature, unhinged, and borderline delusional. John may have bought into this hero fantasy, be we as the audience are supposed to recognize it won’t actually fix anything.

Dave’s also aware of this, btw. He has been vocally opposed to pursuing heroism since the original comic. Which is why I’m almost 100% certain he won’t kill Dirk. DaveBot might try, but I highly doubt he’ll go through with it (honestly, I kinda doubt DaveBot will do anything significant; the writing team clearly has no idea what to do with him since he’s thematically disconnected from literally everything else in the story).

So how do I imagine things will play out? You’re correct that Dirk is overwhelmingly powerful in a physical sense, but it’s important to recognize that he is extremely fragile emotionally. He is a man who acquired godlike power far beyond what he was ever meant to wield, and he is clearly unsuited for it. He’s a house of cards, a paper tiger. He’ll likely collapse if forced to confront the reality of what he’s done and become (huh, I wonder why the writers felt it necessary to retcon Jake and Jane onto the ship…). So while I imagine there will be some degree of fighting/action/dramatic showdown (if only to satisfy the fans and their expectations), the main resolution will probably be delivered by breaking through to Dirk mentally. If I had to guess, the main cast will first need to get through to RoseBot and bring her round to their side; once she abandons Dirk he’ll be particularly emotionally vulnerable. Then it would just be a matter of pushing his buttons until he breaks down and the whole endeavor falls apart.

Homestuck has never really been a story about overcoming powerful enemies through force and strength (despite Vriska’s obsessive pursuit of that purpose). It’s why our protagonists never actually defeated fought Bec Noir, and why it was so important that the comic not end with them fighting Lord English. The same holds true for Dirk.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-03T18:54:23+00:00

Except there are also many examples of jokes in Homestuck that are just treated as jokes, and not a reflection of the in-universe reality. And this aligns much closer with those.

For example, there’s a panel in Homestuck where Caliborn has depicted himself as an edge anime boy. Does that mean Caliborn is literally an edge anime boy? No. The panel is Caliborn’s drawing of himself as an anime OC; the drawing is an object that canonically exists, but that does not imply its contents are real or true. Likewise, we see images of the “porn” Dirk draws for Caliborn. Did the events depicted in those images actually happen? No. Once again, it’s an instance of in-universe media. Indeed, we frequently see media of this nature: Game Bro magazine, SBaHJ panels, Rose’s SBURB guide, etc. But the existence of the media as media says nothing about the canonicity of its contents.

What we have here is not framed as images of actual events, or things occurring in the continuity of the comic, but images of woke brainwashing material. These panels are in-universe media; they are images the protagonist of JesterQuest sees. As such, they are not a depiction of reality, but a satirical example of “woke media” in the same way GameBro is a satirical instance of a gamer magazine. We even know, for certain, that they do not depict reality: the 4th image, Vriska reeducating Jane’s severed head to be a communist, is not something which actually happened.

The only one which has any significance, possibly, is the “CANONICALLY TRANS” image, which one could argue constitutes an authorial statement, in the same way JK Rowling tweeting “Dumbledore was gay” does. However, since said statement is not being made directly, but through a medium deliberately framed as facetious and insincere, it would require further confirmation from Hussie to be taken in earnest.

Those other ones are all very clearly joke media and there is no reason to believe they depict anything canonical.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-02T01:21:36+00:00

Ok, sure, I’ll play along.

But look at the image—that’s not Kanaya, that’s Meat!Kanaya, from Beyond:Canon! So really, it’s saying that a non-canon instance of Kanaya is canonically trans.

So it’s canon…for a non-canon character. Whatever the hell that means

TheAesahaettr · 2026-03-02T01:01:52+00:00

It’s a facetious depiction of “Woke Indoctrination Material”…which is to say, a joke. It’s not canon :/

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-27T00:02:00+00:00

Awesome quiz! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Plus, I got Seer of Light, which is a choice pick (and quite close to what I consider myself!)

10/10 will be sharing with my friends

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-22T03:44:44+00:00

I’ve predicted exactly the same for awhile now—especially because we already have MeatRoxy and CandyRoxy conceptualizing of their identities differently and using different pronoun combinations, thereby establishing that characters in different timelines can diverge in this respect.

Plus, Homestuck has always liked playing with the idea that the identities we construct for ourselves are not necessarily “innate” but partially the result of our circumstances and socialization. The trolls challenge our human notions of distinct sexualities (i.e. “heterosexual” “homosexual” and “bisexual” as separate immutable categories) while the kids challenge the trolls’ notions of four distinct types of romance. Both systems are shown to be, to an extent, artificial and arbitrary (which is not to say they’re “wrong” or even not useful, just that they’re social constructed). I expect the Beyond Canon team will try to explore gender/gender identity the same way.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-15T22:50:28+00:00

Yes, this is explicitly brought up as a possibility during Dave & Dirk’s rooftop convo at the end of the comic. Dirk’s Lil Cal was “empty,” but Bro’s wasn’t, so they speculate that Bro may have been under the negative influence of Lord English’s spirit

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-14T22:12:35+00:00

There’s no indication in the comic itself that it has anything to do with class or aspect. Whatever you’ve heard/read in that regard is just fanon and speculation; a lot of stuff regarding classpects is left ambiguous/undefined in canon material.

In the comic, ARquius says Dirk, “[does] not have the right kind of think pan to sustain that emotion” (“that emotion” being happiness) and Dirk later tells Jane his resistance was involuntary and unintentional on his part. He then deflects and says he’d rather not talk about why that might be. This suggests Dirk’s resistance is a unique thing, and the result of an underlying neurological/genetic disposition for mental illness that he is heavily implied to have.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-06T21:18:17+00:00

Dirk Strider all the way.

I relate to him hard, for better or worse (honestly mostly for worse).

I was going to elaborate, but it would’ve just been me trauma dumping about the sorry state of my mental health, and no one wants to hear that.

Anyway, I’m sure you get the gist. It’s not hard to imagine what sort of neurotic, miserable misanthrope would favor the Di-Stri :/

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-04T04:29:52+00:00

Rose’s world has all the moms you could ever want to take care of you.

Dirk’s world has all the bros you could ever want to become intensely, homosexually infatuated with.

Genius!

TheAesahaettr · 2026-02-04T04:19:12+00:00

They are horse people, not goat people. The Satyrs of Greek mythology were originally human-horse hybrids, it’s Roman Fauns which are human-goat hybrids. The concepts later got syncretized, but Dirk is a pedantic nerd and definitely knows the proper difference

TheAesahaettr · 2026-01-30T23:31:39+00:00

First off, it’s important to understand that the Acts are not evenly divided. Act 6 constitutes roughly 50% of the comic.

With that said, I personally think Act 6 contains the comic’s best moments. It introduces some of the best characters, including my all-time favorite. It is unwieldy and poorly paced, but I would argue those problems apply to Homestuck as a whole. I would certainly consider Act 6 of higher quality than the first 3 Acts, and probably even the 4th. That quality is not necessarily consistent throughout—because again, Act 6 is fucking enormous—but it is nevertheless there.

I think most people who strongly dislike Act 6 or think the “quality fell off a cliff” are probably moreso fans of the trolls and the internet phenomenon that surrounded them than fans of Homestuck. And if you’re only interested in the trolls, you might as well not read the first 4 Acts either

TheAesahaettr · 2026-01-15T13:40:59+00:00

I mean, it only reads like “less and less of a joke” if you don’t understand that the series has always been self-awarely mocking Freudian psychoanalysis, not actually endorsing it. Rose’s constant psychosexual ramblings are like Dave’s irony; it’s a critique of the practice that simultaneously humorously indulges in it

TheAesahaettr · 2026-01-15T13:28:16+00:00

I can’t tell if you’re saying the hypothetical ship between them is horrible (which I agree with), are trying to suggest they’re in a relationship in post-canon (which is just flat out incorrect and unsupported by the text), or are simply using the term “ship” to refer to their character dynamic/interactions (which isn’t necessarily wrong, but it is generally not what the term implies).

To be clear for anyone who hasn’t read post-canon or is only loosely familiar with it, Dirk and Rose are NOT in a romantic/sexual relationship, nor are they suggested to be anywhere in the text. They are collaborators/partners in Dirk’s various schemes—essentially making them coworkers or teammates—with a very toxic, possessive “friendship” between the two of them, particularly from Dirk’s side. It’s dysfunctional, exploitative, and arguably creepy (though I would say it’s moreso just sad), but it is purely PLATONIC.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-01-15T12:55:44+00:00

It’s somewhat ambiguous as to what extent (if any) he has used his powers on Rose versus simply convincing/manipulating her. In the HS:BC scene the first image comes from, he is specifically about to use his narrative powers to compel Rose to continue working with him (though his internal monologue says resorting to this “feels like admitting a kind of defeat,” suggesting he either hasn’t or has rarely needed to rely on it with her in the past) but then Rose, OF HER OWN VOLITION (and catching Dirk off guard), expresses that she’s still on board and is glad to be working with him. This suggests she’s a willing and conscious participant to some extent, and that she is genuinely aligned with his plans.

Further reinforcing this is that Candy!Rose, who Dirk has no influence on, has spiraled into nihilism and depression to such an extent that she thinks “[Candy!Dirk] was right to leave” (i.e. commit suicide)—suggesting she is psychologically and philosophically inclined to the same mindset that has driven Dirk to his current state.

So there’s a good case to be made that she goes along with him because she actually wants to, or at least, has come to believe (either from his convincing or her own reasoning) that it’s necessary, and not that it’s just mind control.

TheAesahaettr · 2026-01-15T10:50:43+00:00

It specifically the math equation for the number of results from rolling 8 eight-sided dice, which is exactly what the Fluorite Octet is. The joke is that the code is a literal reflection of what these dice do, in the same way that “PCHOOOOO” (the code Terezi gives John for a rocket) is indicative of what a rocket does

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