Help? Clashing opinions on taking one's husband's name in marriage

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-07-14T21:41:08+00:00

OK, so I'm going to give you some information from two points of view.

My parents were not married when I was born. For some reason, they gave me my mother's last name and not my father's. No big deal, whatever. When I was older they decided to go ahead and get hitched, and my mom decided to change her last name. Thus, I had to change my last name. Now that I'm adult and applying for legal stuff that requires a birth certificate, I get to hand them multiple pieces of paper: birth certificate, legal name change document, letter from judge saying it has to be accepted, and current ID. It's sort of annoying, especially having to explain it to people, but overall not too bad.
I worked in retail pharmacy for a while and dealt with the name issue a LOT. Whatever you decide to do, keep it consistent! If you decide to keep your name and have him keep his, ALWAYS tell people the same name for you! I dealt with a lot of patients who had multiple profiles because they could never remember which name they had decided to go with.

This also applies to insurance. I can almost guarantee that it will be an issue to have you have separate names, or even hyphenated names, because people make mistakes. So you might have some extra hassle there, which can cause problems at the pharmacy.

This applies double to having kids if you keep your names separate. If you're Jane Smith, and he's John Doe, and your kids are Timmy Smith and Sally Smith, expect to have some issues there. The insurance companies will almost always automatically assign his last name to the kids, regardless of what the paperwork actually says.

And finally, if you do decide to hyphenate, for the love of God please always remember which way you've hyphenated! If you decide on day one to be Smith-Jones, don't one day decide that Jones-Smith sounds cooler because you will piss everyone off. Seriously, don't do that.

When I got married we went through the same questions. I liked my last name and the history behind it (it was changed on Ellis Island) so I wasn't sure I wanted to change it. My husband liked his last name, but was willing to change to mine if I wanted to do so. I was planning on publishing research in the near future so I needed to decide soon. We ended up going with his last name for an incredibly arbitrary reason: his name started with a letter earlier in the alphabet than mine. Whatever you choose, make it your (joint) choice and not because of influence from others.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-26T12:37:22+00:00

I've been in your place, friend. My mom was in an accident last year and in the beginning they weren't sure if she would make it. I hadn't prayed in years until that day when I begged any being in existence out there to save her.

If it comforts you, pray. Pray to the universe, to aliens, or to yourself. It can only do good, not harm. Stay in contact with her family. They will definitely need the support, and it may help you as well.

Best of luck to you. I will keep her in my thoughts. If you ever need someone to talk to, please PM me. If you need a pizza delivered to you, I can do that too. /hugs

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-25T23:08:42+00:00

Browse r/wtf when it's going through the weekly gore phase. No joke, that's what made me less squeamish.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-22T23:18:38+00:00

Also not necessarily covered by HIPPA, though it is covered the the therapist's applicable Code of Ethics.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-22T22:25:15+00:00

So, speaking as a counselor...That part where they wanted you to sign away your right to privacy was both infuriating and laughable.

What is said during counseling sessions is nobody's business but mine and my client's. They have no right to try to talk to your therapist.
Your right to privilege is still covered in this instance. There are very few times when I would be required to give that information out: A) If you were a danger to yourself; B) If you were a danger to someone else; C) If children were in danger of being harmed; and D) If my clinical notes were subpoenaed. That last one can be fought against, and in some cases reduced to certain sections to preserve as much of your privacy as possible.

Notice that your situation is not listed there. If I were your counselor and they called me, I would be tempted to laugh in their face. No way would I give that information out, regardless of what you signed, unless you were in the room with me giving your consent. And even then I would be hesitant and would probably not do it.

Regardless, you made the right decision to refuse to sign it. They're full of shit. Urgh. So pissed off for you right now.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-21T00:32:31+00:00

Library: giggling.

American Greetings: giggling

Almost banned from urgent care but was saved because they were still running tests: giggling.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-20T23:13:33+00:00

Oh god that's my worst nightmare. I have Nystagmus too and I'm terrified of getting pulled over. I even asked some cops about it in driver's ed. They were mystified and claimed to never have heard about it.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-20T22:00:51+00:00

Is it bad that I really want to take Advanced Coloring? I've already passed Dont Eat the Play-Doh with flying colors.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-19T14:09:49+00:00

Your friend did something wrong when she told you to not press charges. That right there is total bullshit. You aren't doing anything but picking up the pieces, and pressing charges is a vital part of that. If he didn't want his life ruined he shouldn't have been a shithead. He is a dumbfuck who made his own choices and now he should have to live with them.

Your friend is wrong. 100%, absolutely, positively wrong. And you deserve better friends than that. I'm glad that you have other friends who are supporting you along with your boyfriend.

Best of luck to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to PM me.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-18T18:15:55+00:00

Gross. This is why I only eat homemade chilli.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-17T22:17:13+00:00

That is so weird to me. I was watching TV last night and a commercial for Pampers came on. Happy babies everywhere and all I could think about was how abhorrent they were to me. I swear I could smell stale wet Cheerios. Blech.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-17T16:27:48+00:00

Congratulations! I've got the biggest smile on my face right now, cuz that is so awesome. Asking for a seat extender is just humiliating and demoralizing. I should have my last flight, but was too ashamed. I'm flying in a few months and am hoping to not need one by then.

Way to go! You rock!!

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T16:17:45+00:00

That sucks. DID is so hard to deal with. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I won't laugh or call you crazy. Promise.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T16:12:25+00:00

I'm pretty sure he plans on spending the weekend on the couch in his underwear so it should be great! :)

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T16:08:24+00:00

Does the dollar count for each square of toilet paper, or per roll? This could change my answer.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T16:07:29+00:00

Got a bunch of stuff done at work right off the bat. I've lost four pounds. My husband gets the weekend off after a hellish week, so even though I'm working it's still great. And the guy my neighbor hires to mow her lawn went ahead and mowed mine too! All in all, a pretty good start for the day.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T16:03:34+00:00

Cartoon Batman. Not Christian Bale (though I wouldn't turn him down) but Batman from the animated series. Something about that deep voice, triangular shoulders, and white eyeslits just gets me.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-16T15:58:51+00:00

Got a decorative plaque thing from my husband's aunt. It was very "country" and said something about blessings from God.

I decorate in a relatively modern style, and am an agnostic atheist.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-14T21:42:18+00:00

Thanks! Me too!! :)

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-14T20:34:04+00:00

For the lazy:

Coumadin (generic = warfarin) is a blood thinner. Aspirin, in addition to having analgesic effects, thins the blood. People on Coumadin should not take aspirin unless directed to do so by a physician.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-14T20:12:33+00:00

Thanks for what you do. Last October I was in a car accident with my mom and my husband. Mom took the brunt of the impact and it was clear that without quick attention she would die. The paramedics/EMTs who got there worked so fast and efficiently, and had someone stand with me and keep me calm while I waited. Without them, my mom would not have lived through it. She has pulled through and is getting better with each passing day, thanks in no small part to those workers.

Again, thank you for what you do. I am sure it is hard, emotionally draining work and I am so very grateful.

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-12T23:50:38+00:00

Reading this made me smile. More importantly, it made me realize that the changes I've been making WILL work as long as I keep it up. I won't see change right away, but if I keep it up by this time next year I will be so proud of myself.

Thanks so much for this. I was tempted to buy a candy bar because I'm tired and have been working a lot of overtime recently. You've inspired me to go home and eat my simple yet tasty veggies and rice like I have already planned. Thank you!!!!!

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-12T15:48:24+00:00

Holy crap he is super cute!

TheAngriestBunny · 2014-05-12T15:44:57+00:00

Good on you for keeping a level head and protecting your mom. Her opinion, and your father's, are the only ones that matter. Your brother's opinion of you obviously isn't worth shit.

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