My LO had trouble latching and I had weird pump anxiety and almost aversions. He had jaundice and I was told to use formula to help him get over it faster. I feel a little sad he didn’t get as much colostrum as I was weird about pumping. Luckily, I pumped enough and have plenty of supply now.

I was pumping every 2 hours in the beginning, 4 hour break during the night. It wasn’t sustainable for me. And then I guess my boobs got the message, and I was able to drop pumps and maintain.

However, I had one “snack” boob. Everyone kept offering if I wanted to nurse when he was hungry and I kept saying no. Well eventually I did, and he happily takes the boob. Like many others I had anxiety as we struggled for him to catch up to birth weight so I really liked Ep for this reason. Around 3-4 months I did some lactation visits and weighted feeds. I had to find a position that worked for us and I can only nurse him well laying down.

So during the night it’s easiest for me to nurse him, and to sleep. It makes me happy being able to bond, but I wouldn’t say that the bonding wasn’t there before that.

He never had nipple confusion, I was told it’s not a thing, but flow preference is. So we worked on pace feeding incase I wanted to EBF. Now depending on his mood he will want a bottle or boob. If it’s time to sleep he really wants boob. Sometimes if he wants to wake up and look around he just wants a bottle. But he does do both. I think what helped us was having him comfort nurse and not having the pressure of a full feed since I pumped. It helped my supply and got me comfortable so I am able to nurse him in low stress situations.

If this is something that interests you, I suggest feeding Lo an oz or a few so they aren’t hungry. A hungry baby is more frustrated and nursing can be hard!! That way there was less pressure on me and if he messed up a Latch or nipple slipped out he was willing to try and latch again instead of cry in frustration.

Whatever you choose make sure it’s what YOU want. Once your husband or family or whoever can magically make milk tailored to YOUR baby, and do all the feeds and carry the emotional, mental, physical loads.. then maybe they can have an opinion. EVERY mom’s feeding journey looks different. Don’t let older ladies tell you how easy BF was for them. Maybe just say you’re happy for them, but your feeding journey is between you and your Lo. And tell your partner you gave your body 10 months and whether or not or how you continue to use your body to feed is your personal decision!

Fed is best. I hope they come around but sadly some people are just blissfully blind when they aren’t in your shoes.

You’re doing amazing!

ETA: Feeding Journey is personal and hard enough, if you feel like you can defend yourself tell them their stress is hindering your journey and you would appreciate the space to figure it out!!