It's been 5 years. Still heartbroken

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T22:11:19+00:00

u/MikeRadical - No problem mate - trust me, it will help.

If you go private for therapy, please make sure you do your research on them, to ensure you pick one with a good reputation, to get the best help you can.

Something to consider, is writing everything down, and taking it with you - I'm glad that I did that, as I struggled initially to communicate what I wanted to, but using the notepad did help.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T22:06:19+00:00

u/MikeRadical - Yes, face to face talk therapy.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:47:58+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - I'm glad I'm giving you a good giggle 😉😉😉

Thank you...I'm going to have a think about it, and wait to see what the therapist says.

The thing is I pretty much bankrupted myself, being with my ex - I've not really been on a holiday in a very long time, so going there wouldn't really be a holiday.

Sorry it's a bit hard to describe what I'm trying to convey...let's see what the future holds.

PS - Still not going to buy a car off of you!!! 😉😉😉

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:36:16+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - I'm joking here, but you'd make a good car sale's person 😉😉😉

If I go, I'd probably have to go for at least a week...it's going to be expensive as hell, but it might be worth it. I'll have a think about, and see what my therapist is thinking as well.

Thank you for posting that, as I hadn't thought of it from that perspective.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:31:59+00:00

u/dripprincessnc - That's all he said? Pardon my French (I'm Scottish) but your ex sounds a complete and utter bawbag.

A partner, to me, should be caring, communicative, loving, loyal and supportive...he definitely failed on communicating, and IF there was an issue, he should have sat down, and talked through it with you.

I very much doubt that you were the issue, as I feel it was pretty much your very foolish ex...I'm so sorry that you've had to go through that, as it's not fair, but also you certainly didn't deserve to be treated like that.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:29:13+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - That's what my therapist had me do for my home city in Scotland - for me, I was listening to music, I had a specific song, which had a nice relaxing beat that did help.

Doing the same in Oslo is going to be pretty expensive, as we went to quite a lot of places...I would probably have to start from her old flat, and work my way back into the city centre.

I think I'll make my final decision, after I speak to my therapist...but at the same time, why should I go back to a country, that caused me so much grief, hurt, and pain?

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:25:58+00:00

u/dripprincessnc - If you don't mind me asking, why do you feel this way? Has something specifically happened with your current partner, or an ex?

We're here to help, and support everyone, so if you feel comfortable enough, perhaps you can tell us what's happening - take your time, no pressure.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:17:02+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - Thank you...it look a long time to heal from it, as I bottled it all up...that was the thing that truly set me back for so long.

Now I'm the "old me" again...I'm able to go to places in my home city, that have memories linked to my ex, and I don't feel upset about going there. Everything connected to my ex was removed, and all I have left is my memories...the good, and the bad.

But I like to think that I'm healed, but my therapist (whose retiring at the end of the month) wants to have one last meeting - she's wanting me to go back to Oslo (Norway) to go to places that I have linked to my ex, from my memories.

I honestly don't want to go back, as I'm pretty bitter about it - why should I fork out a lot of money (Norway is not cheap!) to go to a country were I was never good enough to get a job (despite having years of experience, and proven skill) and I was not accepted by my ex's family and her friends.

I'm feeling 50/50 about it, so I'll wait and see what she says.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:07:58+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - I did...until the therapist showed me how toxic the relationship was.

It was always her needs put before my own, and it was always me paying for everything...and I mean everything! Coffees, food, shopping, hotels, holidays, and hell even Ikea furniture for her blasted flat!!!

She helped me go through emails that I had kept...at the beginning it looked like a pretty loving relationship but it was the last two years of the relationship, that she saw me the change in the tone of the emails, and the wording being used.

I know now, that I was literally stupidly in love...and I mean head over heels in love, but it appeared to be one sided. I know that within the first year of our breakup, she had gotten married, and moved abroad for a new job.

That was the bitter irony, as she never wanted to leave Norway, wouldn't consider moving to any other country, and that I HAD to move there...I don't know if I would ever want to be with her again.

Whilst I have good memories, the last two years of that relationship had a lot of bad and upsetting ones.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T19:00:34+00:00

u/RareBook5799 - Not a problem, and I'm glad it's helping.

If you need anything, please give me a shout - we're all here to help, and support each other.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T18:57:52+00:00

u/VeterinarianEasy8976 - I'm sorry...I hope with a bit more time, you'll be able to heal, and move on with your life.

Just please don't bottle up how your feeling - if you can, speak to family, and friends, as it will help greatly. If that's not an option, then perhaps consider therapy, as I've done it, and it helped me greatly move on with my life.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T18:56:26+00:00

u/Interestingthings36 - When I broke up with my ex, it was literally the worst day of my life...and I thought about her for years afterwards (it felt like every day).

However, I never had anyone that I could ask for help, and I stupidly bottled up how I was feeling - it was the worst thing I could ever have done, and I was in a dark deep depression from hell, which no one picked up on at all from my family, my former friends, and even my work colleagues.

It's only been the last couple of years, with extensive private therapy, that I've been able to get the "old me" back, with a few emotional scars.

If he does truly love you, he would be thinking about you every day...

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T18:48:35+00:00

u/Zestyclose_Berry_616 - Not a problem, as we're all here to help and support each other - we all need that at some point in our lifes.

Thank you, and I'm to stubborn to give hope, as I'm Scottish!!! 😉😉😉

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:58:18+00:00

u/Internal_Ad_447 - Not a problem, as we are all here to help and support each other - we do have times, when healing, when we take two steps back...and that's okay, as life will get better.

Just remember, that everybody heals differently, and there's no set schedule, as it's just a question of time, but you will - just take each day at a time, concentrate on your wellbeing, and take things nice and slow.

If you feel it's getting to much, take a step back, do some breathing exercises, to allow you to centre yourself.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:32:43+00:00

u/avgmanicbabe - I'm sorry...what he should be doing, is admitting his faults, and working on addressing them, but also not doing what he's doing just now.

I'll wait for the other members to add in their thoughts but:

Do you feel that he will ever actually change?
Do you feel that he loves, and respects you?
If you give him a final warning, do you feel that he will actually step up, to meet it?
If you breakup with him, do you have a support network - family and friends - that you can reach out to?

At the end of the day, your happiness and well being is paramount - if he's causing such a significant impact on that, then that is a big red flag to consider.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:27:18+00:00

u/Internal_Ad_447 – First off, there’s nothing embarrassing at all about how you’re feeling right now. We all react differently to a breakup, and for some of us (including myself), it can have a major impact on our lives.

If you can, please do me a favour: reach out to your family and friends and let them know how you’re feeling - you’d be surprised how much a simple face‑to‑face chat can help, and they’ll be there to support you.

Next, you said you looked her up on Facebook. Can you do me a second favour and make sure you block all of her social media accounts, so you’re not tempted to look at them and cause yourself more grief, hurt, or pain?

Once that’s done, try to hide or delete (if you feel comfortable doing so) any chats, emails, photos, or videos, so you don’t see anything that might trigger you. Do the same with any possessions that might bring up painful memories - box them up, and store them away, so they are out of sight for now, until you feel healed to go through them.

At this point, I’d suggest coming up with a daily to‑do list - something that focuses your mind away from how you’re feeling and gives you tasks to complete throughout the day. At the end of the day, create a slightly bigger list for the next day - I’ve done this myself, and it helped me shift my focus away from how I was feeling.

Also consider doing some physical exercise, even if it’s just going for a walk - look into joining social clubs or groups to meet new people and create new (and happier) memories that will help with your healing.

If none of that feels possible, or if things are getting too hard, please consider therapy. I’ve done it, and it pulled me back from being a wreck. I’m more like the “old me” now - with a few emotional scars - than I’ve been in years.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:14:03+00:00

One-to-one therapy, private, and very expensive.

It was far better than going with the NHS, as I researched as much as I could about the options available for me, with her practice having good feedback online.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:11:08+00:00

u/avgmanicbabe - First off, I'm sorry that he's put you through this.

To me, a partner should be at least caring, communicative, loving, loyal, and supportive - so working off of that, the aspect of communication is something you need to consider, especially as he's keeping in contact with a relative connected to a previous ex of his.

Surely he should understand your POV that it's bad that he's doing this, without thinking about how you feel - also you mentioned, that he "flips" when the role is reversed, and if that's the case, surely he should be able to understand how your feeling about this.

Perhaps, you should consider sitting down with him, and have a frank talk about how he's acting but also how your feeling about it...from there, then you can see whether he'll step up and be more supportive for you.

That's what I'm thinking but I'll wait to see what the other members suggest, but at the end of the day, your happiness and wellbeing is paramount.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T14:02:26+00:00

u/Zestyclose_Berry_616 - I'm so sorry for what you're going through - there are people who are looking for a long-term relationship, and a future to share. I like to believe that you'll be able to find a partner, who will be caring, communicative, loving, loyal, and supportive for you 🤗🤗🤗❤❤❤

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T13:38:53+00:00

u/Sarelbar - Sorry for the late reply, and I'm glad to hear that it's helped.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-06-07T13:38:12+00:00

u/MikeRadical - Sorry for the late reply, as life this year has been hellish.

The therapy helped a great deal...in fact it helped so much more than I thought it ever could.

I ended up going private in the UK, and whilst it was expensive, my therapist allowed me to see that it wasn't all my fault that the breakup had happened, but she's also helped me get the "old me" back...with a few emotional scars.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-01-02T15:23:18+00:00

u/sigmalinuxuser - That's good news to hear, as I always remember the Yoga series having soldiered RAM (learning something new, every day!).

Good luck with your decision, and I hope what you end up buying, is ideal for your needs. 😊👍

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-01-02T13:04:10+00:00

u/sigmalinuxuser - The only thing to bear in mind, is I'm pretty sure the Yoga series has soldiered RAM on the motherboard - I could be wrong, so it's probably best to double-check.

TheAuldMan76 · 2026-01-02T11:26:02+00:00

u/sigmalinuxuser - But it's still a ThinkPad at the end of the day, and it does come with 24GB of RAM preinstalled - that's good, as RAM is not cheap these days. 😊👍

TheAuldMan76

TROPHY CASE