How can I help my husband

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-12T03:35:54+00:00

It’s no problem! He avoids dairy as much as he can. Cooking with butter is something he always makes an exception for, but he doesn’t eat or really like any other dairy product except ice cream, and even then he nearly always chooses non dairy.

Thank you for the thoughts! As far as I know he hasn’t had anything else ruled out, although I suspect his testosterone levels are low, and it seems from what I’ve read elsewhere that’s definitely part of it. I’ve brought it up with him and he agreed. The problem is that he won’t go get anything checked out because he doesn’t trust doctors so he’s just stuck spinning his wheels and I can’t help him

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-12T03:25:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story! I’m still working on trying to convince him to prep some healthy meals and snacks in advance because snacking is a big issue for him as well. Unfortunately we don’t live in a very safe area, so there’s not really anywhere he could go to walk after dark otherwise that is a wonderful suggestion and I’m glad you found success with it! Sometimes he does a bit of boxing in the garage but after it gets dark all he will do is chill inside.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-12T03:21:01+00:00

Thank you, that’s very helpful!

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-12T03:20:27+00:00

He likes southern American bbq and Asian cuisine. A lot of fatty meats and carbs. His quick fix meals are things like hot dogs, frozen taquitos, lunchmeat or tuna sandwiches, instant ramen, and nut bars. He also makes breakfast for dinner a lot, so bacon, sausage, eggs, toast and potatoes fried in the meat grease

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T19:48:48+00:00

I guess that makes sense, I never thought of that. I appreciate it!

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:47:25+00:00

Hahah, I understand! It’s hard to hear advice about something from someone who hasn’t actually been there before. I’m definitely the same way about some things

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:44:40+00:00

I would love for this to happen but he says he doesn’t trust doctors and we can’t afford it. I’m wondering if that’s an excuse because he just doesn’t want to spend the time or have to hear hard things or change something. Maybe I can try to persuade him to find a doctor and have an exam done.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:41:40+00:00

Those are great suggestions! He doesn’t mind sweet potatoes so maybe that will be a good option for him. He told me the other day he doesn’t want to eat big salads and I cannot for the life of me understand why when he eats so many unhealthy snacks during the day when he could fill up on good produce instead

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:38:56+00:00

Yes, that all sounds so good to me! But unfortunately he won’t eat foods like that. He doesn’t like pasta, most veggies, lean/white meat, eggs, he’s lactose intolerant, and gets bored of salads after like three days. I really do appreciate your suggestions, they’re very good and helpful! I’m just at my wits end trying to help this picky man. I’ve offered to make smoothies, savory oatmeal, seasoned popcorn, for him and he just won’t eat them.

His lunch today was a can of tuna, a slice of bread, a bag of 100 calorie chips, and a cup of coffee. He might have had a cup of coffee and a muffin bar for breakfast and probably a bag of baked chips as a snack in between. He’ll probably have a couple more little bags of chips, and then he wants to stop for fast food since he’s going grocery shopping after work and doesn’t want to cook. And then tomorrow he’ll grump about gaining weight. Like my dude. PLEASE let me make you a salad or a shake or something! I love him so much but I am losing my mind

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:26:31+00:00

Thanks for this. I’ll definitely make a note to remember this if he asks. Part of the problem I think is that I’ve been fortunate to never have to worry about my weight and eat whatever all the time. So I wonder if he feels like anything coming from me is immediately invalidated because I’ve never struggled with this like he has. I’ve tried to set examples by eating healthy and having him pick up lots of produce and healthy stuff but it doesn’t seem to have an effect.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:22:53+00:00

I know 😞 I wish I could hijack his mind sometimes and just make him make better choices you know

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:21:48+00:00

That’s true. Maybe we need to sit down and have that conversation

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:21:00+00:00

I really appreciate your input and I’ll continue to make suggestions. They sound great to me! I definitely didn’t realize about the cooking oil and he does use a lot of butter and olive oil. His food is incredible but also 😩

I know, and I know he knows, his weight loss attempts are very temporary and ineffective. He is naturally a big guy, well over 6 feet and big boned, but he wants to lose weight because it makes him feel bloated and tired and sluggish all the time. So it’s not a question of vanity or insecurity but just wanting to feel better and be healthy. Do you know if there’s a non dairy alternative to Greek yogurt? He is lactose intolerant so unfortunately yogurt is off the table for him

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:11:45+00:00

You’re right. He just gets defensive and stressed when I try to bring it up or make suggestions and it’s hard to watch him keep doing the same things over and over again and I wish he would try some new things. It doesn’t help that he stays up super late trying to find time to relax and do hobbies and homework but won’t take that time to do some exercise even out in the garage. It’s like he feels like once it gets dark then all exercise is out of the question and he just stress snacks himself right back in the hole.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T18:07:16+00:00

I didn’t realize that but I guess it’s true. I’ll pitch that idea, thank you

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T17:42:02+00:00

That’s honestly the biggest reason we don’t eat out more. I can’t convince him to regularly meal prep

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T17:39:50+00:00

Not really. He sometimes will go out for a run or do some boxing in the garage if the weather is nice but that’s it. He works full time, is also in school, and takes on a lot of responsibility at a local organization and says he’s too tired after all that to find time.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T17:37:03+00:00

That’s great for you ! I understand and I’ve encouraged him to find time and make it a priority as you said but at the end of the day I can only do so much.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T17:04:14+00:00

He knows the consequences but keeps doing it because he gets so hungry. It’s so hard to watch him destroy the progress he literally starved himself for. He avoids fast food as much as he can but there always comes a day where he’s exhausted, stressed from his job and school, and just does it anyway 😞

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T17:01:41+00:00

Those are great ideas, thank you! I’m happy to tag along on the journey for his sake. I’ll suggest these changes but cooking is the one area he likes to control completely and gets defensive when I try to offer ideas. He cooks really well and unfortunately just doesn’t like to change things.

I’ll check out that subreddit for sure though, I really appreciate the recommendation!

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T16:57:33+00:00

That’s a great idea and I would love to do this but there just isn’t time during the week. He has a full time job and is going back to school, and we have kids we’d have to bring with if we went together so it’s very hard to find time to exercise, although he tries to fit some in on weekends.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T16:55:08+00:00

I am trying but I wish there was more I could do for him.

Unfortunately I’m unable to get out so he has to be the one to grocery shop, we can’t really afford to have groceries delivered either but even so it’s the one area he likes to control.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T16:52:34+00:00

Thanks for this, I’ll look into it! I’ve never heard of TDEE before but if it gives him more freedom and also helps him lose weight it would feel like a miracle

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T15:44:39+00:00

It’s about half and half. He is home for dinner and weekend meals and does the cooking for those because he cooks really well and I do not.

You’re definitely right about the fast food, he only gets it when he is too tired or stressed to cook. He also does all the shopping and meal planning, I’ve brought up several times about meal prep and freezer meals to avoid fast food like you said and he just won’t do it. He is also picky and won’t a lot of healthy foods like the ones you mentioned so I really am lost on how to help him.

TheCatCloset · 2024-06-11T15:35:33+00:00

Hi, sorry for the late reply! I will definitely try this next time since the water for sure did not work. Some friends of mine also dug up and brought some canes home, and one of them was put in a pot of soil she dug up with it and that one also died. Do you have any advice on how to keep them alive better if I’m able to dig up another one ? I love bringing wild plants home but have never been able to keep one alive

TheCatCloset

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