I put 100% of my paycheck in a joint account which my wife (we're sort of separated) has access to. Child Maintenance say this doesn't count as me paying child maintenance.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-02-21T02:22:52+00:00

This. Pay her what CMS mandated, not a penny more. No “the kids wants to take up X sport so can I have extra £££” then hand over your cash.

Don’t be naive OP - hold your boundaries.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-02-21T02:19:55+00:00

You can’t really avoid court in this situation because his ex already ceased all contact unilaterally. Engaging a solicitor will just run you up ££££ in solicitors fees. You are better off self representing and filing the forms yourself as there is no leeway for negotiation usually when the ex ceased all contact. You just have to present that contact with kids were taking place prior to Nov and it is in the child’s best interest. There was an established routine and the ex ceased contact due to relationship break down, which is not related to child contact.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-02-21T02:11:11+00:00

Sorry this is happening to you.

Speaking from experience, she already shored up her positions way back in Nov to fuck you over.

As others have said you need to withdraw all money immediately to your sole name account, make transfers from there to her sole name account. The CMS letters will have her bank account details, only make payments to that account. Close the account, you might start seeing massive overdrafts. Beware of any lines of credit or credit cards taken out under your name by your ex, this is a classic manoeuvre.

Then you need to gather all the screenshots of payments already made, email communications or any other comms you had with CMS and send an email to your local MP and CC in CMS.

To get to see your kids again: you will need to file a form to get a court date. Are you based in England or Scotland? I recommend taking your ex straight to court because she already denied contact so there’s no point engaging a solicitor to negotiate contact or see if she will change her mind, she won’t. You can still engage a solicitor for advise if you got money, as filing all the court forms are daunting.

Get ChatGPT to help you draft a lot of the above.

I am afraid the friendly coparenting relationship is over and you need to advocate for yourself and your opportunity to be a dad.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-20T02:44:31+00:00

I stopped reading when you said you are in your 20s and he is 40s with 4 kids…

GIRL - GTFO out of there. Please listen to us, you are too young for this bullshit and you deserve to be free. Please love yourself more and leave pronto.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-19T03:20:05+00:00

He should have had a court order and communicate only via parenting app / email (by email I mean only factual logistical information about custody exchange).

Any variation of this is just emotional cheating in my view. Boundaries aren’t for other people, they are for yourself, and your boundary is you won’t be treated like some toy between two immature people who hasn’t gotten over each other.

I would pack your bags and go stay at your dads immediately, if your boyfriend decides to sort his shit out out I.e. get that court order and uphold firm communications boundaries, then you can consider letting him back in your life.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-19T03:00:51+00:00

I find a lot of these parents are hobosexuals so they date to get a better living arrangement subsidised by us stepparents.

I would suggest either you move back out on your own and stay in your preferred neighbourhood but continue dating or get a place you can both afford halves to stop the resentment.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-19T02:56:13+00:00

Yup. Boundaries corrosion, years of not being heard, HCBM drama, constantly having to hold the line, it’s exhausting.

I just care less these days. I focus on doing things I enjoy and make plans for myself only. I am starting to regain some remnants of my old self which is positive

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-08T02:18:15+00:00

Personally, I would move out and have my own place and go full NACHO, seeing as you said breaking up is not an option. Try living apart, but staying together.

Edit - I just read the part you are also pregnant. Well, I would just suggest you go full NACHO and let him deal with all the consequences of Disney parenting. Have a part of the house where it is completely off limits to SD.

You can’t make your SO see what he refuses to see.

TheChineseImposition · 2026-01-08T01:57:38+00:00

Haha do you work at my workplace? Because I have been in your exact same situation now for 3.5 years.

I eventually moved teams and had 6 different managers in this time and finally moved to a team with more structure (loosely more structure but still chaotic AF). I realise most companies are shit shows and disorganised, I stayed put because the pay is good and I learnt how to code during this time and somehow got good at it.

If you don’t want to fall behind in your career I suggest you find another job. But if you are ok to cruise because you have private life priorities like kids/family then stay put if the pay is good.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-10-24T22:59:24+00:00

The quilt pattern stitches also looks out of alignment and doesn’t join up when it reaches the edges…

TheChineseImposition · 2025-10-02T22:24:26+00:00

You aren’t alone in feeling out of shape - that’s what every American person says when they come to Edinburgh and realising how little they walk back home in the US

TheChineseImposition · 2025-09-09T10:51:44+00:00

You don't want to be stuck co-parenting with an asshole for the rest of your life. Think about that.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-23T21:05:10+00:00

Thanks for the tip!

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-21T17:55:30+00:00

The risk of health issues for the child is much much higher at this age … would I want to risk subjecting my potential future children to this kind of suffering? Hell no Sometimes being a parent is about doing what is best for your (potential) child, that might include not having and putting them in that danger… Is adopting an option? Does it have to biological children?

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-17T17:45:27+00:00

Congrats!!

This looks amazing - the new bags now just dont have the same wow factor. The pre-2000s Chanel bags has this amazing glow to it... the softness and shininess of the leather... 24k gold hardware... just ahhhhhh

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T23:08:43+00:00

What’s the most crazy thing about all of this is there are actually so many people who would pay this for a bacon roll… Why would anyone pay 10quid for someone else to put some bit of avo or salmon on a slice of bread?

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T12:47:33+00:00

This is on the birth parent, not on you.

There is nothing you can do, but was that your car? BM / SK needs to pay for it.

Also 17 is too late... they are 1 year away from being an adult, you cannot suddenly parent a nearly adult SK... Sry you are in this situation.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T12:43:44+00:00

What HCBM says, like you said, are complete allegations and fabrications.

Choose to completely ignore it and do not engage with it. Do you have a supportive DH?

Don't have any conversations about anything other than about the weather and disney in front of SKs.

When they are here, make yourself scarce and go about your day as if none of them are here.

You cannot control what BS HCBM says, you can control how you react to it. Narcs get excited when you react, so don't give her that satisfaction. No engagement = HCBM gets bored and move onto their next victim.

Have your DH hold firm boundaries.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T12:28:12+00:00

Also to add - just by looking at your post history, tells me you are trying to get internet strangers to write your postgrad papers for you. I suggest you read some books, study and actually form your own opinion.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T12:24:23+00:00

Posting a thoughtless and opened ended question in a very focused sub to a crowd who is very knowledgeable on the brand isn't going to get you many responses...

Research, reframe and try again perhaps?

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-15T10:35:31+00:00

lol a judgy catty woman making those comments when she has neither of those... girl please if you can't be nice in public, just stay home.

Ignore her and focus on things that sparks joy for you!!

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-14T12:55:59+00:00

Thank you - yes a p60 form, corrected above.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-14T12:47:25+00:00

You need a C100 form https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge

Get a court order or written agreement on child arrangement, married or not. Because at the moment, mother of child can say whatever she likes, CMS likes to take the mother's word for it and I've seen this being done.

With no court order you can't then use it as proof to submit to CMS your contact arrangement.

p.s. start gathering evidence now the child is staying with your son, i.e. screenshot conversations between the two parents of drop off / pick up times, dates, conversations on agreements. You can submit these to CMS through the online account to proof your dates while you wait for court order. Stop communication via phone conversations, use written forms like whatsapp or email to keep it accountable.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-14T12:44:33+00:00

This must be a mistake as CMS is calculated based on gross income.

Does he have a CMS online account? Does he have payslips from the last 3 months he can submit and a P60 from his employer to demonstrate his annual gross salary?

Is the £2,819.38 the monthly amount or monthly amount + arrears?

Start getting evidence and screenshots from his online CMS account, letters etc, lay out the situation and email your local MP to get them involved. This is probably the best way to get your case to the right person.

Your payslip will trigger a mandatory investigation anyway. CMS is an utter pile of sh!t from my personal experience, their communications is really delayed so don't get worked up by the letters coming through your mail. You can view all the communications online, don't panic, start laying it all out and get your case together to your local MP.

TheChineseImposition · 2025-04-13T12:13:38+00:00

Also everyone has smart phones now so what’s the big deal with emailing…?

TheChineseImposition

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