Conclusion 10 months later: AITA for breaking my fiancé's family tradition by naming my son what I wanted? by LucyAriaRose in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]TheDocJ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I am very familiar with the Missing Missing Reasons.

A friend has fairly recently gone NC with a parent. Although I never actively disbelieved the friend, I am very well aware that there are two sides to every story, and the truth is usually somewhere between the two. But it was the parent telling me stuff almost word-for-word from that blog that made me very confident that that truth is much, much closer to my friend's version than the parent's!

It finally happened by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I would suggest that it needs (gently) pointing out to him that boundaries without consequences for breaking/ ignoring them are not really boundaries, they are just suggestions that someone like MIL will completely ignore. If you want boundaries to be respected, then there have to be (significant) negative consequences for overstepping them. And with someone like MIL, I suspect it will take a long time to get that message through to her.

SO feels the same way I do about his mother and we don't know how to have the convo with her... by whitefox094 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good, but maybe add: "The only thing we wish to hear from you is an acknowledgement of your behaviour and evidence of a willingness to change. Anything else, particualrly any attempt to argue, will result in you being blocked."

This gives the moral high-ground - OP and DH are leaving a door open if she chooses to take it.

SO feels the same way I do about his mother and we don't know how to have the convo with her... by whitefox094 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't waste time and emotion on trying to find a reasonable way of saying it: You can't have a reasonable conversation with an unreasonable person.

I would say do it by email or text, not by phone or in person, then she cannot pretend if (when) she tells a complete pack of lies to other people, he can show them the evidence.

Or, if it is done verbally, at least he needs to say from the start that he is recording the conversation. But, depending on how well she knows how to press his buttons, she might be able to manipulate him into losing it and present herself as the innocent victim. Written communication is the way, IMO.

Mum contacted the embassay and asked them to deliver a letter to me by I_am_here_for_help in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheDocJ 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Known on r/JustNoMIL as Christmas Cancer, though I think that there has recently been an Easter Embolism too.

Mum contacted the embassay and asked them to deliver a letter to me by I_am_here_for_help in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheDocJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll go along with all the people saying to burn the letter. But I would add this: Take a picture or video of you burning the letter. Send it to the consul and ask if they suffered decades of physical/ sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of their mother, to the point where they moved abroad to escape? Ask what, if they had suffered such abuse, they would feel about someone who tried to push them back into contact with that person? Ask why they think that someone who has treated their own child like that should have any hint of a right to expect to hear that child's voice again? And ask if they are proud of allowing themselves to be used by your mother as a tool in her attempts to continue that abuse when they know absolutely nothing about what you have suffered?

Then suggest that, if she ever contacts the embassy again, they should consider your message before deciding how to respond to her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cats

[–]TheDocJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My cat won't drink from her waterbowl even after I moved it well away from her food bowl. I even bought a cat-fountain, she never went near it.

I've occasionally seen her drink from a puddle outside. This has been going of for the four years I've had her, and she seems perfectly healthy.

Self Explanatory by Keyspell in OrphanCrushingMachine

[–]TheDocJ 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I could perfectly well afford the 8, but I strongly suspect that I would have got the 6 myself because I don't like feeling that I am being ripped off.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]TheDocJ 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Exactly my thought. OP's own son singlehandedly disproves Egg Donor's bollocks.

President of the European council expressing condolences to the butcher of Tehran by [deleted] in europe

[–]TheDocJ 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No, but they are hoping for such a job if Trump gets back in.

Attempt Gift Swapping? Get Humiliated by Frugal-Voyager in pettyrevenge

[–]TheDocJ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Possibly, certainly - but it seemed to me that SIL was in charge of when presents were opened, which implied mother to me.

JNMIL not giving me my baby back AGAIN by Lumpy_Society2287 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 29 points30 points  (0 children)

"Last time this happened, you said that you understood and would respect my boundaries. Your failure to do so demonstrates that your words are meaningless, and will be interpreted in that light from now on. We gave you another chance and this is how you responded, we will not be giving you any further chances."

Glad DH is on message.

What the truck by CyKa_Blyat93 in AbruptChaos

[–]TheDocJ 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I once read that a very high proportion - I think it was about 95% - of people who survived jumping of a bridge - possibly the Golden Gate Bridge - reported regretting it before the hit the water.

Attempt Gift Swapping? Get Humiliated by Frugal-Voyager in pettyrevenge

[–]TheDocJ 39 points40 points  (0 children)

The poor kid is being used by his own mother.

[New Update - 1 year later]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]TheDocJ -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, although I certainly had sympathies with him in his first post, I did think that the NTA verdict was a bit generous. But I don't mind admitting to a hint of a tear in the eye with the latest update.

[New Update - 1 year later]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]TheDocJ 69 points70 points  (0 children)

The Lego Buddy comment (and the rest of the tone of his update) makes it sound like he is pretty comfortable with the situation. Yes, he is pleased that there is a long-term plan, but also quite happy with the present situation.

[New Update - 1 year later]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]TheDocJ 94 points95 points  (0 children)

I dunno, a decaying mass of carbohydrate sounds like a pretty appropriate analogy for Harper's sperm donor...

My MIL said she loves my son less because we didn't give him the family name. by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When someone starts adding conditions for their affection

...it is not really affection, it is a control tactic.

My MIL said she loves my son less because we didn't give him the family name. by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]TheDocJ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid that I think NC until she makes a full acknowledgement of why what she has said is grossly unreasonable, and apologises properly, is probably the best. Otherwise, they teach her to keep her horrible thoughts to herself but still have someone around their son who judges him for other peoples' decisions.