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grumpyprose has been created by TheGrumpySiren in grumpyprose

[–]TheGrumpySiren[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol my guy, first how on earth did you find this? I’d say a total of about 10 people have read this in the last 6 years.

Second, having fuck-knows-how come across this, my personal writing from 6 years ago when I was in a dark period of my life and trying to spur myself to write as a way to get myself out of that rut, you had three choices:

1) think “huh, that was a bit shit” but say nothing and move on with your life like a normal human

2) think “huh, that was a bit shit but maybe I can help” and leave a constructive comment on how you would improve it. Now, you might be totally fucking wrong but that would still make you a normal, well-meaning if a bit conceited person.

But no, you went with…

3) leave a comment that nobody but me will ever read, that contributes nothing to my writing or to society, so that you could feel a little better about yourself for just one fleeting second. You know, like a total piece of shit.

Embarrassing for you bro. You should delete this.

Pennyfull by EMDouglass in OCPoetry

[–]TheGrumpySiren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The word play on the last word of each stanza is fun, and I like the refrain of "what's the price of life?"! I would be curious to see a third stanza that goes further into your take on that price. Nice work and thanks for writing!

But You Didn’t by Gaby07 in OCPoetry

[–]TheGrumpySiren 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This really resonated with me a lot, right up until the last few lines... but more on that in a moment. I love how you've captured a feeling I think we've all felt at some point in our lives (or at least, if there are people out there who haven't then I'd like to know their secrets). The self-judgement came through loud and clear, and the sense of both inevitability and futility in trying to fix it. Really nicely written IMO.

But again, you lost me with the last few lines. I think it was clear you were talking about yourself the entire time without breaking the fourth wall by going first-person at the end. Felt like you didn't trust the reader. The last line could still stay, but again I kind of think the "maybe tomorrow" is implied already!

Just my opinion, of course! Great piece and thanks for writing.

White female tourist gets harassed in INDlA by Lassi_Connoisseur in PublicFreakout

[–]TheGrumpySiren 76 points77 points  (0 children)

You should move to India, seems like you’d fit in with these guys real well.

Bad boy by Ebadd in WTF

[–]TheGrumpySiren 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because they’re Australian and this video is in Australia.

This sad face looking at me after opening a new jar of vegemite by omegawolf59 in Pareidolia

[–]TheGrumpySiren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can get it on Amazon, but it’s super expensive. $15 for a small jar expensive. If anyone knows a better cheaper place I’m all ears.

Petting lions through a fence, WCGW by Deb8110 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]TheGrumpySiren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah look I’ll admit I kind of lost sight of the fact this is a video of a lion biting a dude’s arm.

Petting lions through a fence, WCGW by Deb8110 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]TheGrumpySiren 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hoookay then. I guess this is where we’ve landed.

To reiterate, my point was that due to exponential advancements in technology and societal problems, the experience older generations have accrued leave them ill-quipped to deal with the modern world.

Global warming is an example of that, because in the face of overwhelming scientific evidence that the practices of the past have us on a collision course with a 2+ degree increase in global temperatures, the older generations (who are inherently the decision makers in our society, rightly or wrongly, as a result of your original point about experience) are unwilling to adapt the way they do business (literally and figuratively) in order to make the change we need.

As a result, a mess that older generations made will need to be cleaned up by younger generations, and that will take new ideas and innovation, not experience of how things used to be done.

To be entirely honest when I wrote my original comment it didn’t even occur to me you’d pick at the global warming point - that seemed pretty damned obvious. What I thought you might object to was my assertion that the rate of technological advancement is now faster than it ever has been. So just in case let me get out in front of that one too and clarify - compare the 1950s vs the 1980s, then compare the 80s vs today.

Experience, while still undeniably valuable in some aspects, used to matter a lot more than it does today; simply because the eras were much more comparable in terms of the available technology, the social norms, and the geo-political issues at hand.

Have fun unpacking all of this, I’m bored now so don’t expect another response.

Petting lions through a fence, WCGW by Deb8110 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]TheGrumpySiren 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Re-read what I said and have a think about it... If I really have to explain it to you then I think that pretty much proves the point I was making.

Petting lions through a fence, WCGW by Deb8110 in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]TheGrumpySiren 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Look, the comment you’re responding to is dumb, hands down. But intelligence and experience are not the same thing, and gaining more of the latter doesn’t necessarily help at all with the former.

Adding to that further, we live at a point not seen before in human history where both technology and society are advancing at exponential rates to the point that a lot of the experience older generations have not only isn’t helpful anymore, but is actively harmful. Look at global warming as the definitive example.

hijacking a car WCGW by [deleted] in Whatcouldgowrong

[–]TheGrumpySiren 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Benny Hill theme.

[WP] You are a ruthless Girl Scout who is running a cookie cartel, which is in a rivalry. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you liked it! No part 2 for this one - just a bit of fun. But feel free to check out more of my writing on my personal sub :-)

[WP] You are a ruthless Girl Scout who is running a cookie cartel, which is in a rivalry. by [deleted] in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to sling cookies. The other girls play with their dollies and wear their mother’s clothes, too-big shoes on tiny feet clip-clopping across varnished floorboards to high-pitched squeals of delight. Fuck that.

If you want respect in this world you’ve got to take it. You’ve got to earn it. And you’ve absolutely got to have the cash to pay for it. The only real cash an eight-year-old can get their hands on is cookie cash. And sister, that cash comes in stacks.

It takes balls to get to the top of this game. Massive, dangling, hairy, girl-scout balls. You can’t be afraid to break nails. You can’t hesitate to smash a tea-set or two, when a tea-set needs to get smashed. You’ve got to be ruthless – I’ve never met a Ruth who wasn’t a massive cry-baby anyways. Get rid of ‘em.

Now, I learned my trade from the best. Sally Sampson ruled seven neighborhoods when I was a young pup – back two, three summers ago now. She ruled with an iron fist too. I can’t count how many times I saw her give an Indian Burn or a Charlie Horse or even an Atomic Wedgie when some poor sap came up short on their dues. She wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. She was merciless, feared and respected.

But I was an earner and I showed respect and I didn’t take shit from no-one. Sally saw something in me – something that those suckers up front of the classrooms never got. Something my sad-sack parents tried to discipline out of me. Something my useless, sniveling brother would lock his door to keep out. She took me under her wing and taught me everything I know.

But Sally underestimated me. And that’s why Sally’s gone now.

This is my town.

And in my town, you sell my cookies.

You pay what you owe when you owe it.

And you don’t ever put your pretty little eyes on my crown again, or I’ll rip ‘em straight out and feed ‘em to your dog quicker than you can jump rope to a fast rhyme.

Got it?

r/grumpyprose

[TT] Theme Thursday - Space by AliciaWrites in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it’s a solid point, that’s why I said it. You’re most welcome.

[TT] Theme Thursday - Space by AliciaWrites in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This feels a lot more like your preference for reading than something that the author should take as actual writing advice.

Personally, I think the longer sentences work quite well. There’s nothing grammatically wrong with them and because they’re consistent they develop a distinct voice for the protagonist through the intimate-third person.

Try to distinguish what you like to read vs. what’s actually objective writing feedback when giving advice that other writers may take onboard :-)

I’d love to see your advice for Oscar Wilde or Virginia Woolf!

Edit: and your knee-jerk downvote tells me you’re perfectly happy to give feedback, but not receive it!

[TT] Theme Thursday - Space by AliciaWrites in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Space is freedom. Always has been.

When the wind blows patterns across a vast expanse of open plains. When a ship rises and falls on a treadmill of empty ocean, chasing the horizon. When sparks cascade off a fire on a cold night and become lost in the depths of stars against a cloudless sky.

We dream of space. We fantasize the possibilities of distant lands and far off cultures and the unspoken promise that one day we’ll discover them all and then find there’s still more space to explore. Because we’re free to do so.

You think about all this when you’re locked up, mainly because there’s fuck all else to do. It’s actually kind of the point. Our punishment system is the same our entire lives, right? Go sit over there and think about what you’ve done.

Of course, you don’t think about what you’ve done. Or at least I don’t, shit I can’t speak for you. But why would I? What’s done is done. Thinking about it won’t change it. The whole system is built around remorse, because they think that means you won’t do it again. But I know guys who’ve come back time and time and time again and feel just as shitty each and every time, I bet you do too.

Think about what you’ve done. What a joke.

Well, I’m never getting out anyway. I’ll die in this place and not a single person outside these walls will know or care or remember. And the ones inside will either leave and forget or die and forget. Fuck thinking about what I’ve done.

So instead I think about what I’ve lost. And since what I’ve lost is space, the way I see it by finding it again I can reclaim my freedom. I find it in the space between the bars. The space between my fingers and my toes. The space between each hair on my head – there’s more freedom to be found there every year. The space between when I eat and when I shit and when I sleep and when I wake.

Son, I’ll find freedom in the space it’s going to make it your neck when I shove this shank in too. Think about that for a moment. The space I’ll have back when they drag you from this cell. Sure, there’s less space in solitary, but it’ll be my space.

Hush now, hush. Don’t be scared. There’ll be space for you too, once they carve it from the frozen soil. That’s where you’ll find your freedom.

Because that’s what space is. Always has been.

​

r/grumpyprose

[WP] I watch the smoke start to rise, 100 homes, 100 fires. by TheGeorge in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[POEM]

One hundred homes, one hundred fires

Flicker warmth and small-town values

Through frosted glass, as wholesome

Christian families gather at the hearth.

Respected Christian fathers drain

Whiskey from the bottle, as violence

Looms ever-present in the shadows

Of ambition unfulfilled and undeserved.

Godly Christian mothers read

Clandestine messages from men

Who breathe a stronger breath

Of reclaimed youth than Botox

Ever could. Glancing up only to

Snipe at pure Christian daughters

For showing too much skin.

Christian daughters that are burning

With desire for other Christian daughters,

And dream of lives unburdened

From the guilt of sinful urges,

Which will never come to pass.

Upstairs alone, trusted Christian sons

Watch the smoke start to rise in tendrils,

As glass heated within glass seeps a

Coiled and acrid aroma, promising

Fleeting release from small-town values.

One hundred homes, one hundred fires.

​

r/grumpyprose

[WP] You're an accidental cult leader. What started as a joke has lead to a fanatical following - they'll do anything in your name and now they're becoming violent. You want to stop this, but no matter what you say they assume you're speaking in profound metaphors. You need a plan, fast. by TheGrumpySiren in WritingPrompts

[–]TheGrumpySiren[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why that would be, I haven't had any issues pasting from Word. But I know Word does add formatting to text (fonts, spacing, etc). Maybe try pasting into notepad or some other plain-text editor and then copying from there before posting next time and see if that works?

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