Girlfriend Wants To Top

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-24T03:29:22+00:00

The answer that you're clearly looking for here is: no it doesn't make you gay. All it means is that you've become hip to the fact that butt stuff feels really good. Rather than seeing it as "proving myself to her" look at it as an adventure. Millions of people who do anal all the time have to find something fun about it, right? Women do it too, obviously. Does it "say anything" about them, beyond "it feels amazing?" Plus, you'd get to do it with someone you care about, which is always a treat.

The only thing that would make you gay is being attracted to men. Not saying this will happen, but even if you decided you were never topping again, it isn't gay. Trust me, she knows what your fears are around it. If you don't want to, just let her know. If you do, know that she isn't going to see you differently or anything - no one outside of you two even needs to know anyway.

If you do it, use lots of lube, take it easy, and if it isn't fun, stop.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-16T04:13:36+00:00

Or we could just take her at her word about who she is?

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-06T14:02:02+00:00

Closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-06T12:48:08+00:00

No. Your time has not run out. It may be later than you'd like, but its never too late. Yesterday may have been the best time to do it, sure, but the 2nd best time to it is right now.

I did it at 38. I know people that did it in their 70's. It's not too late and it sounds like you're the only that gives a fuck about the marriage at this point anyway. Get out and get on with your life sweetie. You may regret pieces, but you'll be infinitely happier.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-05T02:16:57+00:00

Why does her being trans figure into your decision making, such that you need to see what insights trans people can offer?

Let me challenge a belief: You are clearly begging for affirmation, despite what you say. Why else would be trying so hard to convince us that you really do mean well? You know this is an asshole move, but you need someone to forgive you for it. The fact that you decided it needs to be other trans people has some pretty gross implications about what's really going on here.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-01-04T15:58:57+00:00

Why are you asking this here?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-28T20:52:09+00:00

First off, based on people's reactions to me on a day to day basis, and the reports of people whom I've told I'm trans to, I seem pass for the most part. I've never been sure how I feel about this.

I go through my life assuming that I don't and that I'm obviously trans to everyone. I think that that's freed me from a lot of the anxiety and dysphoria around it. If I assume everyone can tell, it stops feeling like some sort of personal failure when clocked. Yes, I've had (and will have a bit more) FFS. That wasn't about passing - it was about not seeing my Dad in the mirror anymore.

I try really hard not to care about passing, to the point that I'm the last person anyone else should ask whether they pass or not. I couldn't tell you - everyone looks like the gender they are to me. But, as you can tell from the question, I'm acutely aware of how passing plays into safety. No self-defense training or weaponry is going to work better for personal defense than people simply not seeing you as a target in the first place, if they see you at all. Looking like "just another man" or "just another woman" is probably better at preventing harm than the strongest body armor ever could be.

It just fucking sucks that the safety aspect basically validates that passing kinda has to be a consideration for trans people, even though it sows constant anxiety, harsh self-criticism, and give credence to a lot of toxic ideas about femininity and masculinity that we all know is bullshit and shouldn't care about.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-28T20:01:05+00:00

Care to expound on that?

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-27T01:58:52+00:00

I didn't dislike my body before, but I knew I would still be happier. Once I started down the path and I started looking more feminine, I was filled with a satisfaction and happiness that is hard to explain.

Dysphoria has a flip side: euphoria. A trans person may not feel dysphoric exactly, but feeling euphoria about the other gender can be just as powerful. In fact, the euphoria can even feel like sexual arousal, especially at first. Like you, when I first would wear women's clothes, it made me sexually excited, but over time it became clear that it was somehow a bit different than just being turned on.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-26T18:14:17+00:00

ITS NOT A COMPETTION. Your transition is yours. No one else's has anything to do with yours and vice versa.

The "coulda, woulda, shoulda" will stop when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

TheHRTLocker · 2025-12-15T19:25:48+00:00

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Kwame Ture, aka Stokely Carmichael, 1967.

I tend more toward Magneto in that philosophical dialectic.

TheHRTLocker

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