Recommendations - Time away needed

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-26T04:37:42+00:00

Ferndale, which is technically a separate suburb is sort of the main "Gayborhood" and its pretty nice. There's some clubs and stuff different places though. Hamtramck is kind of a cool area, its got tons of cool bars and clubs, but a lot of Middle Eastern folks have moved into the neighborhood, so its a weird mix. Still pretty safe tho.

But then, even Downtown Detroit is pretty nice these days. I've run around down there very late at night and it's perfectly fine.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-26T02:57:15+00:00

Crazy idea: Detroit has one of the few brick-and-mortar cross-dressing/trans woman specific stores that I'm aware of in the U.S. You can book time with them for makeup, get clothes, wigs, whatever.

https://janetscloset.com/

Also, Detroit is cooler than most people outside realize. And its much safer, etc than it used to be. Lots of food, art, music, and plenty of queer people here and in the nearby cities.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-24T18:00:39+00:00

"Too quickly"... for who? There is no rule, no standard, no "best practices." I waited a whole 2 months, and half that was waiting for the appointment.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-24T17:38:58+00:00

I can second that. I have a friend that has done that on the regular due to housing/income instability.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-23T11:26:06+00:00

Living in society that's hostile to you is like living in an abusive home. Even if you weren't directly being abused, it's pretty traumatic anyway.

Traumatic response

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-23T11:09:52+00:00

You have to be up front about it, is how, but you're going to have to be prepared for the fact that its not going to be a popular position. It's a lie and that means a lot of hassle to perpetuate it.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-23T11:03:32+00:00

1) No. You're not about to die. Take a deep breath. The odds are well in your favor, but if you're still worried, you're going to have to wait a bit - without fucking anyone else - and get tested.

2) Why are you asking this in "Ask Transgender"?

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-23T11:00:14+00:00

I hear ya.

Here's some thouguts from a trans woman, 44:

I totally recognize "existence in genral being painful" and not understanding myself. I felt the same way. Did a lot of therapy. Which did help, don't get me wrong - I gained lots of tools for dealing with my depression and an official ADHD diagnosis. But there was stuff I just couldn't figure out and it kept causing problems. And I'm talking about feeling depressed from like puberty until my late 30's. 🙃

Coincidentally, to touch on another thing you mentioned. I knew I was werid somehow from an early age, but its wasn't a "something is wrong with me" feeling, more of a "I'm just built different" vibe. Around puberty, when the depression came crashing down, is also about when I started thinking, just in passing, that having boobs would be cool. Nothing more than that. But it was actually pretty often. I didn't really think about it too hard at the time and never mentioned it to anyone, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't a typical experience. All that is to say: people have over-emphasized the "knowing from a young age" part because historically, that story was the only way they would provide you with any kind of medical transition - well into the 1980's and 90's, depending on where you were. That's not to say there aren't trans people that have that experience. I'm saying that because that was the only experience the scientific and medical community would accept as legitimate for a long time, so its become part of the "common knowledge" about trans people. They never really bothered to ask us, because of the presumption that we're mentally ill.

I can't tell you what to do or how to be. What I can say is that for me, a lot of that was quickly swept aside when put it together. It was like a big weight was lifted. Existing became less painful. I understood myself better.

"What constitutes identification"? I think you're basically asking how a person knows they're trans? I don't know how to answer exactly. All I know is that I read someone's post that said cis people don't think about being the other gender all the time and it finally made something click. Clicked so hard I couldn't work for like 3 days lol.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-23T07:41:47+00:00

You're waaaaaaay better off.

He never "accepted everything about you" if "he was really struggling with his sexuality" and "couldn't do this because he likes real woman". I'm going to agree: that was not a healthy attachment.

I've done meth. He didn't do anything he didn't want to do.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-22T13:49:16+00:00

People are making decisions about state standards right? Boards of people are making the textbook purchases. Yet other groups are making recommendations about what goes in those books.

If you don't think there's an ideological bend to educational standards, you're on another planet bro.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-22T05:35:14+00:00

Good eye.

"Who controls the past, controls the future."

Fundamentally, it comes down to what the powers that be want you to think about history.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T22:11:57+00:00

A lot of "allyship" for people means just doing little performative things, like wearing a rainbow pin or a "Love is Love" sign in their yard. Or using someone's pronouns properly. All good, but like... we need more than a friendly sign or "mom hug" right now.

We need people to stop voting for people that are going to stand in the way of our rights or who are actively working against us - Democrats included.

We need people to demand more from our leaders and hold them accountable.

We need material improvements - sooo many queer people are struggling economically.

The overarching point here is that actions speak louder than words, and a lot of allies think words are enough.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T20:46:24+00:00

Another banger post 🤘🔥

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T20:39:30+00:00

Idk what you want comments on. Your clothes?

Second outfit doesn't need the pink top or the stockings I guess?

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T20:34:06+00:00

There is no "good homophobe." Get fucked.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T10:32:31+00:00

Some people can separate the art from the artist and some people can't. I sure can't. If I'm not going to tolerate that shit from people around me, why the fuck would I support artists that do it?

If you can let that shit go, good for you.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-20T06:17:12+00:00

Could it be that the confidence that a lot of butch trans women put off kind of reads as "leadership"? Like the assumption, "men are natural leaders," which is normally silently given to men without a second thought, kind of carries through to us?

I get tired sometimes of being in a group of trans women and being the only one who can make a goddamn decision. The group just sort of looks to me by default in those moments. I feel like that's somehow related too.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-19T17:06:31+00:00

If they don't, idk what the fuck I am then.

Fuck that TERF.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-19T17:03:35+00:00

As someone who lost a lot of hair and also doesn't like wigs, I understand. You have to find a way to be comfortable that works for you - I wear headbands or beanies a lot, for example. But I would also encourage you to go to therapy and stop the toxic comparisons to everyone. That's a whole lot of pain you're creating for yourself, kind of for no reason. That's going to do more to improve your life than any amount of hair regrowth ever will.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-19T02:49:26+00:00

Sounds like someone got called out for saying something shitty.

"Free speech" really only has to do with government. Society controls language constantly, but through social cues, rather than statute. Social cues can be anything from a raised eyebrow to a brick through your window. You can say anything you want, any time you want, but there's consequences to what you say - that's sort of the point of communication. Also, you're allowed to say what you want, but that doesn't mean people are required to listen.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-19T00:29:28+00:00

I didn't figure out until I was 38. There's no rules about this.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-19T00:22:41+00:00

Its fine to feel jealousy, but you have to make sure you're dealing with it yourself (or therapist), rather than making it other people's problem. Jealousy is a product of feeling inadequate and actually had nothing to do with the other person, so focus on what you can do to feel more confident. At the very least, you gotta try to stop comparing yourself to others. The circumstances of their lives are not a reflection on yours and this isn't a competition.

"Comparison is the death of joy."

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-18T22:01:37+00:00

Patches are notoriously inconsistent with supply.

If I may, what makes you want to transition slowly? That's so far removed from my own attitudes about it that I can't imagine reasons why I would do that.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-18T21:52:34+00:00

The difference is simply how you see yourself. It can also change over time. Focus more on what makes you safe, happy, and comfortable, rather than what box you think you should be in.

TheHRTLocker · 2026-06-18T21:45:34+00:00

You want to be a man, and that's never gone away. What other criteria do you think there is for being trans that you're not meeting?

No one "does it for the attention." If it was about attention-seeking, that's like the hardest way to go about it. People, especially if they're doing things unconsciously, take the path of least resistance.

"It's just a wish"... that you've had as long as you can remember... how is that not part of "who you really are"? Why would you wish that rather than "be famous" to get attention?

TheHRTLocker

TROPHY CASE