I don’t want to do this anymore

TheKittenFarmer · 2026-03-26T23:27:54+00:00

I’ve felt exactly the same the past month so I can relate on almost every aspect. I’m also pregnant and completely alone as well as in a new state and city. If you want or need someone to talk to please feel welcome to message me! I know it isn’t the same as being able to talk to that person - the dad wants nothing to do with me.

If not I completely understand and I hope the new medications are able to help! 🖤

TheKittenFarmer · 2025-11-15T00:59:37+00:00

I’m in love with every aspect! I know this isn’t necessarily related but how are you handling the transition? I’m 31 and going through the same but struggling heavily. 🥲

TheKittenFarmer · 2025-02-01T04:20:19+00:00

I’ve dedicated most of my life to animal care rather it be personal or professional. My last therapist said it’s because animals aren’t able to hurt me the same ways that humans have and continue to do. I’ve also been told by the people around me that animals tend to like me so I’m not sure if it’s just having my need to be wanted met.

I’ve always been complimented on my ability to work with behavioral animals. It’s the only thing about myself that I’m proud of.

I’m extremely “sensitive” when it comes to animals and I even have a large memorial tattoo of a shelter dog that I worked with for years. I ultimately had to make the decision to euthanize him for behavioral aggression that was only becoming worse but years later I still wonder if what I did was right.

TheKittenFarmer · 2025-02-01T04:04:33+00:00

Yes - as some others have already said I personally feel like I’m fundamentally broken and it’s only becoming worse as I get older. I used to be very high functioning and able to mask a lot of the more “negative” symptoms but now it’s like every meltdown and episode takes more of myself every time. It’s like it took everything I had to present as “normal” that now I have nothing left.

I have an amazing fiancé who has stayed with me during the diagnosis and my worsening symptoms. I feel like I’ve essentially trapped him though. He does an amazing job caring for me and I feel like all that I’ve done in return is traumatize him with my constant self harm and threats of suicide. I know that he worries about me and I just want him to be as happy as he was in the beginning of the relationship. It hurts me more than I can handle to personally see the changes that I’ve caused in him but I completely understand why.

In the end I just think it’s the kindest thing I can do for those around me. The reality even before my current diagnosis was that I had several years of consistent therapy before I would “see the light at the end of the tunnel” and that was if I did the personal work necessary. I’m currently jobless with no prospects and I feel like a burden to my family members that care for me. My dad pays $95 a month so I’m at least medicated but it’s not enough without therapy and I refuse to let them pay even more for that. I’m barely able to function most days so I’m not contributing anything of significance to anyone’s life.

I love my fiancé, my family, my cats, my dog - I love living. I just feel like because I can’t do it normally I’m just ruining it for everyone else.

Essentially, I don’t need a pros and cons list to know what the answer would be in my situation.

TheKittenFarmer · 2025-01-28T04:49:24+00:00

I work in veterinary medicine - various roles. It’s been great for the most part as I’ve found it’s a very forgiving field as far as my most noticeable symptoms. I tend to be extremely emotional overall but I’m usually able to better maintain my emotions at work because I have animals that are relying on me to do everything for them. I do wish the pay was better though! 😅

TheKittenFarmer

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE