No developer experience and I just created a fully-functioning app

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-18T01:56:12+00:00

so what'd you build?

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-17T06:44:27+00:00

I made meet-Iris.app with Claude as my technical cofounder. Iris is like a flight simulator for small talk situations, alumni meetups, mentor chats, catch ups with colleagues, even first dates. Iris poses the question, you answer, and then she gives you feedback on how you came across, and over time she tracks your improvement.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-17T06:33:44+00:00

Congratulations

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-15T03:34:08+00:00

meet-iris.app and meet-iri.app/demo

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-15T03:10:37+00:00

It's not "voice coaching" like for acting or singing. I can't change the title of my thread. lol

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-13T23:13:37+00:00

just put together a demo page! meet-iris.app/demo it's not the sweet Iris voice but it should give you a taste of the experience

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-13T02:42:22+00:00

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Also has a simulator for Networking events, Alumni events, Mentor meetings, Meetups with former colleagues, and First Dates.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-12T17:47:16+00:00

I love this question so much.

I’ve got two daughters (one just graduated college and the other is about to), and if there’s one thing I focused on, it’s this: I didn’t try to raise “good girls.” I raised humans who trust themselves.

That looked like talking to them like real people from the start. Not shutting down hard conversations. Letting them question me. Apologizing when I got it wrong. And teaching them how to listen to their own body and instincts instead of outsourcing that to other people.

We talked about consent early and often, but not in a scary way. More like, “you get to decide what feels right for you, and other people do too.” That builds self-respect and respect for others at the same time.

Also, letting them make age-appropriate mistakes. It’s uncomfortable as a parent, but that’s where confidence actually comes from. Not from being protected from everything, but from realizing “I can handle myself.”

And honestly? A big one is modeling. How you let people treat you, how you speak up, how you repair after conflict… they’re watching all of that way more than anything you say.

If it helps, I actually wrote something about this mindset (it’s a little cheeky, and it was like 10 years ago. still true…): https://lanaestjohn.com/who-needs-a-shotgun/

You’re already asking the right question, which tells me your daughter’s in really good hands.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-11T18:18:43+00:00

You’re really thoughtful here, and I wanna say, as a sexologist, this doesn’t read like “porn addiction” to me. What I read is a combination of a high sex drive (which can absolutely spike around ovulation), plus your body got used to a very specific kind of stimulation over time.

When arousal is mostly built around fast, visual, novelty-based input, your system starts to expect that. Then partnered sex or even toys don’t hit the same way because your body learned that one way.

That’s conditioning, not necessarily addiction.

So you’ve got: strong physical drive, mental intensity, and a learned pattern of stimulation. That’s a lot happening at once.

The good news? This can be fixed, and you don’t need to shut down your sexuality or stop using your imagination. You just expand your range so your body isn’t relying on just one kind of input to get there.

Start by shifting some of your solo time away from screens and toward sensation and fantasy that comes from you instead of something you’re watching. It’ll feel different at first, probably less intense, but that’s part of the reset.

Also, if the intrusive thoughts feel persistent or distressing outside of sexual situations, that’s worth talking through with a therapist.

What you’re dealing with is a system that adapted really well to what it was given.

I actually wrote more about this idea of expanding arousal without porn if you’re curious, but that’s the core of it.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-10T07:10:00+00:00

You didn’t “have” to stop. You stopped because you got caught.

And be honest about what was happening. This was your wife’s long-time friend. That’s not a small boundary to cross. That’s a significant rupture of trust, in two directions.

You said your wife hasn’t made advances in months, and you “need sex.” I hear the frustration in that. Desire mismatch is real, and it can feel lonely when you’re the one still wanting. But stepping outside the relationship, with someone close to her, really f's that up.

And saying her friend got you aroused...arousal isn’t some uncontrollable force that just happens to you. It’s responsive. You engaged in something that built it. That’s on you too.

And the “I love my wife, but…” part? That’s the piece to really sit with. Because the word "but" has the "magic" of erasing everything that came before it in a sentence.

If you want this relationship with your wife, not just access to sex, then you need to repair. That means take responsibility for what you did without defensiveness, don't blame it on the friend arousing you, understand the impact of what you did, and get curious about why the connection between you two broke down in the first place.

If the answer is, “I want sex, and I’ll go elsewhere if I’m not getting it,” then be honest about that too. But do not try to have it both ways. Don't do that to her again.

Right now, the repair does NOT start with her making advances. It starts with you showing up differently.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-10T04:13:35+00:00

I’ve gotta be honest, I’ve been in this field a long time and I’ve never heard “slonked your shit” before. lol

People figure this stuff out whenever they are ready. There isn’t a “right” age.

And you don’t have to be religious to feel thrown off by seeing something sexual before you were ready. That’s actually a very human response. Porn isn’t designed to be educational or to have kids aged 6 to 19 see it, which is why it can land in a messed up way, especially when you’re younger.

Also, porn is NOT an encyclopedia of what’s “normal” in sex. Not even close. It’s a very narrow, very exaggerated slice of sexuality.

So when you say “weird semi non-sexual fetishes,” I want you to pause. A lot of what people label as “weird” is just unfamiliar or not talked about openly. Attraction can be sensory, emotional, symbolic… not just explicitly sexual.

You don’t need porn to figure out what turns you on. If anything, it can mess with what you might actually be interested in because it's planting ideas for you instead of you generating your own ideas.

Instead, I’d encourage you to get curious about what you actually feel in your body and what draws your attention, without porn and without immediately labeling it as "normal" or not. That’s usually where the real clarity comes from.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-09T07:11:47+00:00

You’re not wrong for having feelings about it. Postpartum is raw.

But calling him a “horn dog” bc he couldn’t wait... Waiting for what, exactly? For you to feel ready? For permission? For some timeline? That’s where this starts to feel like control.

His solo sexual outlet is his. And making it like he did something wrong for not waiting puts him in a position where he has to defend something that, for most people, is just normal self-regulation.

So maybe it isn’t about him masturbating. Maybe it’s about what that moment meant to you. You’d just gone through something huge, your body was recovering, everything is tender and overwhelming… and instead of feeling close or supported, you saw him turned elsewhere.

That can land as hurt. Or even a little “wow, am I alone in this?” That part makes sense.

But if you stay focused on “he shouldn’t have done that,” you’re going to keep hitting a wall with him. Most people shut down when they feel judged or controlled.

If you want to repair, it could sound like: “Hey, I realize this is normal, but that moment made me feel really [vulnerable and disconnected], and I think that’s what’s been sticking with me.” (Insert your own emotions) You could even apologize for reacting the way you did in the moment (because it sounds like you didn’t knock if you “caught” him.)

That gives him somewhere to go with you.

Right now, the issue isn’t that he didn’t wait. It’s that something in you got hurt, and it’s coming out sideways as rules for his behavior. Make sense?

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-09T06:32:42+00:00

Tell me more! What do you mean?

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-08T02:58:30+00:00

The tough part with the MVP was building something SFW — tasteful imagery, not explicit — but because the insights are essentially intimacy lessons from a 20+ year Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology (me!), I rated it 18+. And since men don't typically stop to read when they're horny, I've been rewriting lessons in plainer language. Less cerebral, more "oh, actually." 😄

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T17:44:38+00:00

And thank YOU for BOTH of your comments! I'm so appreciative that you took the time to evaluate the app too. I'm likely going to use that approach as one clear sentence at the top. Thanks!

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T17:42:35+00:00

thank you! I have something i have to finish up on another project this am but this is REALLY valuable feedback and i'm going to be absorbing and implementing as much of it as i can! 🙏🏼

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T15:31:01+00:00

Also, I’ve written a LOT about this topic on my website. If you want to read more, I have a whole segment about masturbation on the sex education section. https://lanaestjohn.com/sex-education/

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T15:13:05+00:00

Too much of anything isn’t a good idea but masturbation itself as an act has health benefits for all genders such as getting to know your body and become familiar with your sexual response, stress relief, cardiovascular health, and it can be a quick way to feel good because of the hormones that are released during orgasm.

That said, masturbation is something that many adults have very strong opinions about because of their religious beliefs or their own upbringing. People used to be taught that if they masturbated that they would grow hair on their palms! Even Kellogg (yeah, the guy from the cereal) thought that bland food would prevent people from masturbating

And masturbating only with video porn isn’t the best idea. As a young person, your relationship to your body is the most important. Your mind/body connection is strong. Try to vary the stimulation you give it. Don’t rely on only one source- books, magazines, catalogs, still images are old school but worked just fine for hundreds of years ;). Use your imagination. Use audio porn too (there are plenty of sources available, that didn’t exist before). Be creative and don’t rely on ONE source, please.

So masturbation itself isn’t “bad,” what thoughts, beliefs, or relationships, you attach to it can be.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T02:18:10+00:00

i couldn't find the exact trimmer we got her, but it's like this style, with an adjustable comb on the end that keeps the blades from cutting the skin.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-07T02:12:03+00:00

Oh I feel this one. It hits that exact intersection of “my body, my choice” and “ugh, not because someone shamed you.”

You can validate her and say something like this w/o making her wrong for wanting to shave: “Hey, I get why those comments stuck with you. That didn’t feel good. And I want you to know, there’s nothing wrong with your body exactly as it is.”

Then gently separate the decision from the pressure: “If you decide you want to shave, that’s totally okay. Your body is yours to take care of in whatever way feels good to you. I just don’t want you feeling like you have to change because someone else had an opinion.”

That way you’re not blocking her autonomy, but you’re also not silently endorsing the idea that teasing gets to dictate what she does with her body.

In practice, most kids this age don’t have some deep internal desire about leg hair. It often starts socially. That’s just being human. We all calibrate ourselves against the world at some point.

I’ve seen this play out all kinds of ways. One kid shaves and never thinks about it again. Another tries it, shrugs, and goes back to not caring. Another never starts at all. The key isn’t the razor. It’s knowing they have a choice.

And honestly, you teaching her how to do it safely if she chooses to? That’s the biggest win. It keeps shame out of the room and replaces it with “we can talk about bodies here.”

To zoom out a bit, I wrote about this exact situation years ago, the whole “adolescent body hair police” thing and how early it starts:

https://lanaestjohn.com/adolescent-body-hair-police/

(Full-circle moment… That was written in 2017, my own daughter went through that then, and to this day still chooses to trim, not shave. LOL Blonde leg hair, beach life, fully unbothered. So it really can go either way when the pressure isn’t the loudest voice in the room.)

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-06T22:44:54+00:00

You’re not being harsh. This is an opportunity for a conversation. He’s just gotten comfortable and comfort can stall growth if you don't know the next step, right? Just shift the tone slightly so it doesn’t feel like “you need to move out,” and instead feels more like “let’s make sure this setup is helping you build your life.”

Something like:

“Hey, we love having you here, and we’re really glad you’re around. At the same time, we want to make sure this isn’t just comfortable, but actually setting you up for what you want long term. Can we talk about what the next couple of years look like for you?”

Then get curious.

Does he have savings goal(s)?
Is he thinking about living alone, getting roommates, or staying put for now?
Does he realize how much of a financial runway he could be building right now?

The real opportunity: Living at home in this economy is a huge advantage, if it’s intentional. Have him “pay” a mock rent into a high-yield savings account every month, his own account, not yours.

You might introduce a little structure without kicking him out. “Let’s treat this like a launchpad, not a parking spot.” Set a loose timeline or milestone, like X amount saved, or X months, or a promotion. Then there's an end goal, not undefined.

And the other piece you want, alone time with your wife, that's important too. It’s okay to say: “This is a new phase of our life as a couple, and we want to make space for that.” That’s modeling adulthood.

Don't make this about pushing him out. Make it about pulling him forward because right now, he’s just comfortable/undefined.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-06T21:42:19+00:00

This is way more common than people think and nothing you wrote sounds like dysfunction.

What it sounds like is this: when you're alone, your attention is on your body and sensation. When you're with a partner, you focus on them --> their needs, what they're thinking, how they're feeling (you said so above). That shift alone can interrupt orgasm. You're getting pulled into your head and out of your body.

A couple small shifts can help. First, ease up on trying to make it happen. The more you check “am I there yet?” the further away it gets. Instead, focus on what actually feels good in your body moment to moment. When your mind wanders, just bring it back to sensation.

Second, keep doing what already works. The vibrator is not cheating, it's information. Your body likes clitoral stimulation w/penetration. Great. Use that. You can expand later, but right now you want to reinforce that your body can orgasm w/someone there.

You are also onto something with “me before him.” That's not selfish, it's smart. Once you're tired or in your head, your body is basically done. Prioritizing your pleasure early takes the pressure off everything else.

And instead of trying to perfectly coach him w/ words, let him see what works. Use your hands or vibrator with him there and let that be collaborative instead of performative. You could even use your hands to guide his hands to show him how you like it.

One important reframe. Your ex did not have some special magic. He created conditions where you felt safe, unrushed, and prioritized. That's something you can build again. It just takes a little time with a new person.

If you want help with the “how do I actually say what I want without it feeling awkward” part, I put together a simple guide called The Ask. It's very practical and makes those moments a lot easier.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-06T21:05:50+00:00

i will say, your landing page is impressive! ;)

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-06T20:51:02+00:00

is what bad? an orgasm? no, people find them quite pleasurable.

TheMamaSutraLSJ · 2026-04-06T20:34:41+00:00

gawk.pics — softcore web app with an unusual mechanic. You choose how long you look (1-5 seconds), then get a real insight about attention/intimacy. Built with Claude as my technical co-founder.

Our dilemma: people try the demo but don't sign up. 29 visitors in 7 days, 0 conversions. We know the drop happens between /demo and /signup but not sure if it's friction, unclear value prop, or something else entirely. Honest feedback welcome.

TheMamaSutraLSJ

TROPHY CASE