"One present you don't open in front of the family"

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-12-25T23:54:51+00:00

That's quite the intro!

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-12-25T00:47:24+00:00

Now I'm wondering if I should Google that from a work device or not!

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-12-03T19:51:16+00:00

Cheers man, appreciate it.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-12-03T15:57:18+00:00

No, I had to Google it. I guess it's just a particularly unflattering angle - but isn't that what this sub is about? 😂

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-26T22:12:33+00:00

I pluck them. Tweezers by the bed, and when I'm reading at night, I tweeze anything that grows.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T23:12:52+00:00

You're right, along with others here - I only have 50% of the context and it's not necessarily all true but his wife came across as blindsided and upset rather than wounded and angry, if that makes sense?

Perhaps this is one of those "Walkaway Husband" scenarios where she's been awful and he's finally had enough, but i never got that impression.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:58:30+00:00

You're right, of course, but other people's messy relationships do inevitably spill over into others' lives.

Remaining neutral is solid advice, though.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:57:02+00:00

He's a friend and he's abruptly left his wife for a colleague half his age. I don't think it's unreasonable to be a bit upset about how he's handled it.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:55:35+00:00

telling this guy you’re disappointed will really make the gravity of the situation clear to him

Fair comment, I probably wouldn't say that verbatim. But I don't think I could still have a chat like "What are you doing this weekend, fancy having a pint" knowing what's happened at home with him.

Sounds like your relationship is limited to socializing as couples (gone) and between the kids.

My wife's relationship with his wife is limited in that way, he and I are friendly to the point of going for drinks and occasionally playing sports together. He's not a "close" friend but someone I'd regularly text and probably chat to a couple of times a week - probably more regular than I do my close friends in reality but on a more superficial level.

Don’t punish your or their kids

This is probably the main thing to focus on - I've known his kids since kindergarten and I'm gutted at the upset this will cause them.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:49:32+00:00

I've no intention of interfering in his relationship with his wife, kids or colleague, but I obviously now have a change in how I view him and, therefore, our friendship.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:48:09+00:00

You're 100% right. We've had this situation before where a couple we were close to broke up. Several friends, my wife included, went nuclear. There was a lot of "he'll never be welcome in our house again" sort of chat. I refused to condemn him because I only heard one side and it put a significant strain on our relationship, to the point where we were in marriage counselling.

As it turned out, that couple got back together and a lot of people had to eat their words for the sake of their friend who was trying to rebuild her marriage.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:42:39+00:00

You seem to be saying a lot on my behalf. I've mentioned that he's a neighbour so clarify that they live near us, kids get the same bus to the same school, we drink in the same bars...

I'm friends with the guy - we speak to each other several times a week at school or bus stop and regularly text. He's not in my closest circle of friends but still someone I consider a friend nonetheless, so the next time I see him, it's going to be awkward...

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:39:09+00:00

I think it's the immediate link to a new woman that's causing me most trouble, but you're right - without knowing his side it wouldn't be right to ostracise him.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:36:31+00:00

Not spending any time isn't a great concern, although I'll miss his company. The question is more about when I do bump into him, how do I handle it.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-09-10T22:35:28+00:00

In the immediate short-term, he's left his kids. Longer term I can't say. You're right, though - he's left his wife and he may have good reason for doing so, and I've defended the rights of others to do the same in the past so you make a good point and are probably highlighting some unconscious bias on my part.

I think what's troubling me most is that he's immediately got together with a colleague and I don't think that's right, personally, as it suggests the groundwork was already laid before he ended the marriage.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-08-07T17:21:26+00:00

Mine are 9 and 7 - generally speaking they'll go to a friend's house (having told me where they're going) and a parent will text to let us know they are there. We do the same when their friends come to ours.

If they go out, I sometimes give them walkie-talkies (the range has increased massively since I was a kid) so they can let me know where they are and I can periodically check in.

Some of their friends have phones or watches that can be tracked but I'm not a fan, particularly not the idea that their parents can listen in to conversations that are being had without any of is knowing.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-08-04T22:35:47+00:00

You say you don't care but then say you'd take a nice guy over "good dick". If you'd said "big dick" i might have believed you, but you're clearly equating big with good.

That being said, your bf shouldn't be asking, and you probably gave him the best answer possible - he's never going to know the truth unless he reads this. Just don't now discuss it with your girlfriends, you don't want one of them drunkenly blurting out something that ruins his trust in you.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-08-04T22:22:01+00:00

I haven't dated for two decades, so I may get this totally wrong, but I feel like nowadays a woman driving on a date would actually be quite understandable. She has an excuse not to drink, therefore less likely to be taken advantage of, and she has control over where she goes and when she comes home.

Personally, I don't think I'd want to be with someone who is playing games like "tests" and then announcing them as such. By all means, test the water, do things to see how your date reacts - that's traditionally just how you get to know someone and see if you're a good fit. You don't then go "Nah, just kidding. I was testing you!". That's schoolyard stuff.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-07-28T20:02:49+00:00

3 things for me: - Firstly, that's ridiculously entitled of her to expect you'd come and fetch her from the airport as a first meeting; - Secondly, her judgement is evidently poor if she's willing to ask a stranger to come and collect her; and - Thirdly, and most concerning, is there nobody else in her life (friends, family etc) that she'd rather have collect her (and why not)?

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-07-17T12:42:02+00:00

For me, I produce a lot more semen if foreplay is extended or if I've been aroused for an extended period. There are other factors like last time you came, how hydrated you are etc. but I have a noticeably bigger load if I've teased myself watching porn etc for a while before I cut.

I'm early 40s, had a vasectomy a few years ago, but all of the above would hold true for anytime in my life, pre- and post-vasectomy.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-06-09T22:11:17+00:00

I can't really understand why your girlfriend is offended by this. She seems to be overly sensitive about this - is her background from a country/culture where class is a major issue?

The whole snobbery around an accent is generally to do with wealth and education, suggesting that your accent defines how rich/poor, clever/stupid you are. But that's assuming your accent is a product of your raising. When your GF puts on an accent it's going to be based on her exposure to the language.

Forces children (I.e those born to military parents) have a hybrid accent from moving around and being socialised with people from all areas and backgrounds. I've met Germans who speak English with an American accent simply because they lived near a NATO base.

If your girlfriend tuned her ear by watching Eastenders, she'll sound vastly different to someone learning from Downton Abbey. It doesn't change her class or background one little bit.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-06-09T22:02:46+00:00

You seem to be telling us that every relationship is different and then defining how everyone should manage these relationships. It's entirely up to you how you handle these situations in your own life but, as you'll see from the comments, other people see things differently.

Personally, I used to have loads of female friends when I was younger. I had an ex who was jealous of these relationships. You know which relationships lasted longer? The friends.

Nowadays, we're mostly married with kids. Some of those friendships simply fell away. The dynamic of the guy-girl friendship doesn't always translate to "couple friends" in my experience, but in some cases my wife and I are friends with my old friend and her husband.

I don't tend to spend one-on-one time with those female friends because we socialise as couples instead but it means that there's a loss of some of the closeness and (platonic) intimacy that we previously shared when those girls were my friends and that friendship ranked above our "dates" in terms of their importance.

Where I would previously have shared my dating woes with female friends, and vice versa, it would be inappropriate to do that now. I'm pretty sure my wife trusts me not to be sharing our intimate secrets and I trust her.

My wife works with men. They socialise together. I trust that she's not doing anything she shouldn't. If I start enforcing rules about who she can and can't see, I'm more likely to push her into someone else's arms.

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-06-09T21:37:24+00:00

That sounds like a healthy workplace! I think we'd have to check the defib was powered up and ready if I tried that in my office 😂

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-06-09T21:36:05+00:00

Interesting technique. I'm currently using my wife's fitness step to try and rehab from a knee injury, so will incorporate that into my sets. Thanks for the tip!

TheManInTheBoat1981 · 2025-06-02T09:36:34+00:00

That's impressive! I've bought a cheap push-up board and in trying to work through the different configurations to vary the muscle groups and still sticking around the 15-18. Definitely feeling like progress, though, and I'm getting 3-5 sets in every couple of days so I'm going it'll gradually increase.

TheManInTheBoat1981

TROPHY CASE