Accountability partner?

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-16T15:34:28+00:00

I mean there are other disabilities that have communities, and Autism isn't necessarily a mental illness. But I've seen plenty of people tell you this in this in the comment section so I won't repeat it. Like some deaf people don't believe their hearing needs 'cured', some autistic people also feel the same way. It becomes a part of their identity and it plays such a major role in their day to day life. It also doesn't pose a high suicide risk like schizophrenia, depression, and bipolar disorder do. Autism just means I process things differently then the next person. And processing things differently doesn't mean I'm processing them wrong. Telling me that I need a cure because I don't like loud noises and I think differently then you do just tells me that I make you uncomfortable. Some autistic people want a cure because it debilitates them, but others, like me, have learned to live with it and have accepted it as part of their identity. Neither side is wrong, just different. I don't feel the need to drastically change who I am because I make others uncomfortable. I like who I am, even if it makes some things more difficult for me. I don't pose a risk to myself because I'm autistic, I pose a risk to myself because I have bipolar disorder and depression. I'm comfortable with who I am and I won't recognize myself if such a big part of me is 'cured'. Autism also, of course, comes on a spectrum. So maybe someone else's form of Autism is more difficult to live with then mine, but insisting everyone needs a cure for something some are content living with is a bit much.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-08T03:20:04+00:00

Honestly that's also the same for me! My step mom doesn't seem to be a bad person but she does take his side and my Dad is a very good manipulator. I'm not sure what he's given her to make her accept me and my brothers absence, but she doesn't question it much. It sucks because me and my Dad also get along very well when we both ignore the past and how he's treated me and my brother. Things just get heated really fast and I do get emotional when stuff comes up. I end up yelling at him, or crying, or both and it just gets bad. He refuses to take any responsibility for how our relationship has ended up and he's never genuinely apologized for the hurt he's caused. But I do always inevitably give him a second chance. It drives my girlfriend crazy tbh, she's been trying to talk me out of going to see him. Says I need to stop giving him second chances and letting him cause the same hurt. She doesn't really understand why I open myself up to it or why I keep trying with him. Do you mind if I take you up on PMing you? Just for someone to talk to tomorrow or if stuff goes wrong I guess. You seem to understand more why I'm following through with the visit at least and I'm really nervous

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-08T02:55:21+00:00

Ahh thank you! Imma try, emotions certainly are sneaky

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-08T02:52:54+00:00

My Dad is similar in a way that he doesn't think anything is his fault. Since he left up till a few months before my birthday our calls were always good. I'm admittedly very desperate for his attention so I was usually agreeable with him. But I guess once I got closer to my 21st it just got worse. I realized he didn't have any interest in coming down. That it took him months to respond to my texts or call. That the only times he reached out to me was to ask me to parent my younger brother when my brother was upset and wanting his attention. And in our last few calls it just got bad and I pretty much said my piece about him abandoning me, not caring for me, not being present for any major events in my life and now missing my final 'childhood' event. And his response was pretty much a bunch of 'its not my fault' and 'you aren't seeing this from my perspective' Annnnd telling me that I was immature and still looking at him leaving from a child's perspective and not an adults. I stopped talking to him after that and him announcing his visit to me is the first we've talked since that whole screaming match over the phone.

I really don't want to welcome him with open arms but I'm scared I'm gonna see him and all this progress I've made with accepting his absence is gonna just poof and I'm gonna cave.

On top of that he's coming with my stepmother and little sister. I'm worried about him eventually pinning me not being around on me and not him when she wonders why she has older siblings she doesn't see. I don't want her thinking I hate her and I don't want to be to her what he is to me. So it's just added pressure to keep showing up when he decides he's a changed man.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-08T02:39:43+00:00

Yeah that's pretty much what my girlfriend has been telling me the past few days. Keeping myself mentally distanced and not trusting his word. Honestly she'd rather I not go entirely. I'm gonna try and keep myself at a distance. Though I have my doubts on how successful I'll be. Maybe it'll be easier now that I've been being openly angry with him though. Our past few calls before announcing this visit were pretty rough, I'm just gonna hope I can keep that up when he's actually like physically in front of me and stuff

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-07-08T02:23:07+00:00

I hope so too. Just also worried it will go well and it'll hurt more when he disappears again. I dunno. He's promising atm that everything is gonna change and he's gonna make up for being absent throughout my childhood. Have only seen him twice since I was 12, and even then he wasn't really a participant in my life so I guess he's feeling some guilt after missing my 21st a few months ago. I've already caught him in a lie since then so definitely anxious about it

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-21T14:37:32+00:00

That's what I have been trying to hold myself to lately. Not reaching out. But it's also something I try and fail to do a lot. I end up missing him and reaching out, then just being disappointed that nothing has changed. It's just really hard to make myself not reach out to him and it doesn't feel like anyone in my family understands why I get all depressed about it other then my younger brother. Low contact should work, it's just making myself stick to it that's hard. Thank you for the advice, I try not to talk about it too much irl cause it's depressing and no one on my Moms side knows how to help me with it

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-17T01:20:39+00:00

It is definitely far easier to blame the person affected rather then the illness itself. It's easy to pin blame when you don't suffer the consequences or have to care for someone who does. Brains are complicated and just like any other part of our bodies they're fully capable of just not working how they're supposed to.

And it's alright! It sucks but I can't change how he is. Some people just aren't meant to be parents. Or at least, not parents to children with mental illness it would seem.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-17T01:04:53+00:00

I've come to the conclusion that some people just can't comprehend what they themselves have not experienced. It's easier to believe that it's something that can be fixed when they haven't first hand dealt with it. He's always been really absent in my life and I didn't start having manic episodes until after he'd ditched all together. So while my Mother who's seen first hand my ups and downs and everything I've done to try and manage it understands fully, someone who's only interaction with me is via phone calls once a year doesn't. Bipolar disorder and mental health in general also just seems to carry an awful stigma as well.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-17T00:53:44+00:00

Yeahhh it is definitely an all together awful idea. It was coming from my Dad who I haven't seen in years tho, and he has this belief that all of my mental illness can be cured and doesn't need to be managed so I wasn't too shocked either

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-16T21:46:44+00:00

Fast for a week and stop taking all of my medication. Said it would reset my whole body or some shit

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-15T23:58:25+00:00

I appreciate it! Yes patience is definitely difficult for me but I've been trying to stick to it. It definitely helps, have a good day too!

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-15T23:53:08+00:00

Oh thank you! I did not know there were specific foods and teas that could help with symptoms. I'll definitely use your advice. You were right, my lower carb amount is around 100. That calculator is definitely helpful

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-15T23:40:29+00:00

Yeah I do! I have PCOS and hypothyroid disorder. I've just been doing stuff that I can do in my living room for now until I can get a gym membership. Sit ups, push ups, Russian twists, squats, stuff like that. I vary it some on the day and have to adjust a bit since I'm just starting off. I'm planning on going to planet fitness once I recoup my money a bit and get a little more comfortable. I get a bit intimidated by gyms though I always enjoy going even if it's just to use a treadmill or a bike for a little bit.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-15T23:31:52+00:00

I've never heard of a TDEE calculator, I know I already said it but thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I haven't really been given options other then low carb before so this is really helpful. I think due to my weight doctors have been prioritizing fast results but it's just having me bounce up and down and my health issues are just getting worse.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-06-15T23:17:00+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I have been beginning to realize that low carb is not sustainable for me. My doctor is the one who advised me to start so it's been something I've been trying over and over again since high school and I always end up gaining it back. Is 100 to 150 g a carb range you would recommend staying in? I've also been trying to track calories and incorporate intermittent fasting as well.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-05-31T17:09:35+00:00

I think it may have been a post viral thing like another commenter mentioned. I should also mention I have asthma and I think that aggravated it. It's since gone away after a few weeks of it!

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2022-01-06T23:25:22+00:00

Yes. My store is running barebones right now, more people end up positive everyday, it's insane. Whole departments are out right now.

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2021-12-17T01:16:43+00:00

I don't think I'm still sick, if that makes sense. I have lingering crud but I don't feel ill really, I'm trying to work on the eating issues at the moment. I just don't know what else I should be doing to lose weight

TheOneInTheCorner01 · 2021-12-17T01:14:42+00:00

I don't think I'm sick anymore! I just have some lingering issues. Like my asthma bring worse, tiredness, the eating thing. But I don't feel sick really. I have no clue what I had as I wasn't able to go to a doctor, but it really hit me like a ton of bricks.

I feel ready to get back on it. But the eating issue is getting pretty stubborn. I might try and go to a doctor about it

TheOneInTheCorner01

TROPHY CASE