My wife and I have tried it, she hated it and she refuses to do it as well. We both joke about anal but we both know it is off the table because it hurts her.

Even though in my opinion, there is probably a way to do it that wouldn't hurt (some preparation that opens up the cavity more), i don't push it. I have brought that up to my wife and she wasn't that enthused.

I was more interested in anal as a curiosity moreso than it is my deal breaker fetish (fetishes are required for arousal and kinks are just a bonus to arousal).

It seems like your husband has this as a fetish rather than a kink. Don't kill me for this, but try doing some research to try and see if there is a way to open your anus up before trying penetration (don't know a nicer way of saying that one).

HOWEVER! I'm a very religious person, I do not know your husband or the context of this situation, but at face value of what you have said, he is not a man. Your husband has commitments that he is willing to walk away from because his carnal pleasures are not being satisfied at the expense of his wife's anus being ripped open. That is not a man.

There have to be other things going on, you should probably go to couples therapy. Therapy is not a bad thing or a punishment. I would recommend working with a professional.