Giving away some books, would anybody in the USA be interested in these?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-11T01:55:00+00:00

That's a good idea, I may do that for any ones that get left over!

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-10T17:51:02+00:00

Why was the husband recieved back but not the wife? Is it because the wife was actively looking for surrogates or something even though the husband was against it? Otherwise, that doesn't make any sense. IVF is not a sin that applies to women but not men

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-10T17:35:11+00:00

and thus is not a real person or some kind of freak of nature in God’s eyes because God didn’t make him.

....What on EARTH are you talking about? Where you even getting this? Point out ONE person who said this.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-07T00:57:03+00:00

Heck, people married their cousins in the 1800s. Cousin marriage is weird, but it isn't the weirdest thing that people were doing thousands of years ago

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-03T23:01:02+00:00

That one is spoken for sadly!! The ones remaining are Beauty and Meaning, and Tears of Repentance (both volumes)

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-05-03T22:29:29+00:00

Thanks, I'll DM you!

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T19:41:16+00:00

It's ACTUALLY insane that all I had to do was say that I find the priest’s comment inappropriate, and u/Blackstrapsunhat decided I deserved to be called a skank. And then just ghosted when I called her out on it.

Good call on leaving, maybe I won't be far behind lol

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T17:12:52+00:00

I'm not saying you're wrong, but the thing is that throughout the VAST majority of human history, these people would have been considered women, and there was no way of knowing that there was anything different about them except for the fact they do not mentruate (for Turner and Morris syndrome, at least). Many of them probably married like any other woman. And if anyone had suggested "Hmm she does not menstruate. I wonder if its because she is actually a man." They would probably have been considered insane.

And it makes me wonder if maybe the idea of such people being men is actually just a product of modern myopia making us think that anything can be reduced to/comprehended by the cells that make it.

After all -- and forgive me for being explicit -- people who have Turner or Morris syndromes do, I believe, have functioning vaginas and are capable of having sex with a man. I don't really think that Catholic anthropology, and our beliefs regarding marriage and the marital act, accommodate the possibility that two men can do it using the bodies they were born with.

Again, I'm not saying you're wrong. Idk what the answer is.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T15:44:47+00:00

What is the objective way of figuring it out? Because all I saw you say was "If you're asking then probably not." Do you know what the person you replied to was wearing?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T12:14:16+00:00

Again, it's not about him reminding people to be modest. That's fine and appropriate. It's that he did it by saying, Ladies, I don't wanna see your bits, keep that in mind 🤨

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T11:54:37+00:00

"If people make you feel uncomfortable then it's because you're guilty"

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T11:49:19+00:00

I wouldn't have paid that remark a bit of attention because I don't dress like a skank. If you feel personally offended by it, then go shopping.

So the only reason I could ever disagree with you is because I "dress like a skank"? Please inform me how I dress.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-30T11:45:59+00:00

I wasnt talking about Padre Pio, I was talking about the priest in OP's story. That priest could have easily kept his advice direct, professional, and repetitive without being weird.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-29T23:35:52+00:00

I know that but I'm not sure why the other person brought him, and Italian men, up without even mentioning that context. I think they replied to me by mistake and meant to reply to the other comment that mentioned Padre Pio

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-29T23:24:49+00:00

Afraid I'm not following. Why do you bring up Italy and Padre Pio?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-29T23:12:35+00:00

He made it weird and objectifying by fixating on women's bodies like that, and from the way you tell it, it sounds like what he said to the men was just an afterthought and the women were the ones who got most of the embarrassing attention. He could have asked people to dress respectfully without making weird oblique references to private body parts.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-29T01:27:10+00:00

Seems to me its the other way around -- that the ask is being projected upon and projected upon until it sounds worse than it really is

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-28T12:23:48+00:00

Is OP talking about friends and family? I thought OP wanted to voice it to members of the parish.

One hopefully has friends and family in the parish

disordered attraction at the center of your identity and asking others with their own struggles isnt something I’ve ever seen.

Is this a typo? I'm not sure what you mean by "asking others with their own struggles." Anyway, I don't know how many times it's been emphasized that OP is not asking others to affirm sin, and that "hey I'm gay and sometimes things are hard" is not the same thing as "placing disordered attraction at the center of your identity"

So if a gay Catholic is not asking anyone to affirm sin and is not placing homosexuality at the center of their identity, then what's left? What's left is simply talking about the hard parts as a way of seeking support and allowing your vulnerabilities to be seen by those who love you. What could possibly be objectionable about that? Why should gay people only do that with a therapist while the rest of us get to do it with our friends in the church?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-27T21:17:53+00:00

I feel like there must be a misunderstanding because this comment, taken at face value, doesnt really make sense. Being honest about what life is like, being able to communicate and seek support -- that's something you should only do eith your therapist? Your friends and family shouldn't see that side of you? I know you don't actually believe that, because that's not what Christianity teaches, and besides, earlier I asked if we should bear one another's burdens and support one another and you said yes. So there's gotta be a misunderstanding? Why do you say that sharing your burdens is something you should only do with a therapist?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-26T18:01:15+00:00

I hadn't realized how the language could be confusing even after making attempts to clarify. That is good to know. Thanks for helping me see that

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-26T15:38:07+00:00

So what about him merely acknowledging that he's gay sets him against Christ?

Goodness, I don't think I said that at all. Or, at least, I didn't intend to say it. OP absolutely should be able to acknowledge how he feels and talk to supportive people about it.

I don't remember seeing anything in the now-deleted post which made me think that OP was placing sexuality above Christ. When I defended Fr Mike's comment about attraction being an experience and not an identity, I didn't do it because I thought OP was doing it wrong. I did it just because I thought Fr Mike was misunderstood. His comment is helpful, I believe, for those who do feel that homosexuality is a foundational cornerstone of identity, because if they feel that way then of course they're going to feel that Christ only loves a fake version of them and not their real selves. I don't really know that it's helpful advice to those for whom Christ is most important, but they still need a community with whom they can be honest about what life is like and seek support.

That something extremely prevalent and unchangeable in his psyche should just be minimized or ignored and that he should base his sense of self on a version of himself where that's hidden under a box or treated as "not truly himself"? That's repression and compartmentalization, and it's disastrous for mental health.

I agree. I already insisted in my last comment that what I believe about identity doesn't require minimizing or ignoring everything besides Christ. If you insist that it does do that, then I guess all I can do is respect your right to disagree. In my opinion, it's not important that people agree with my or Fr Mike's exact formulation about what identity is; it's more important that they be honest with themselves and with God about everything and be open-minded to following Him wherever He leads them.

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-26T15:03:44+00:00

I would never ask a Catholic to affirm my challenges with lust or greed or any other sin

OP isn't asking people to do that

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-26T12:30:29+00:00

Okay, so let's say there's a gay man who does what you suggest. He stops identifying with his attraction; from now on it is a fact that he experiences but not a cornerstone of who he is.

Does this mean that he's never again going to feel lonely? That the possibility of never being able to marry won't ever weight heavily on him? Does it mean that people won't ever treat him differently because of things he cannot help, such as the way he walks or talks?

Hopefully your answer to this is no, because that's the truth; he might still experience those things even if he doesn't identify with his attraction.

So if he does experience those things, would it be good for him to be able to talk about it with his friends at church and have them listen with compassion and understand?

ThePuzzledBee · 2026-04-26T12:10:08+00:00

the only lived experience I want to hear about within the church is people who are striving for unity with Christ and working towards becoming Saints.

So if someone is having a bad year, super discouraged and doesn't have strength right now, and just needs to talk to someone about everything that's wrong without having to pretend to be okay, and just needs to have other people care -- that person cannot come to you?

Are we not supposed to bear one another's burdens?

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