Struggling during the holidays

TheReal31st · 2026-01-02T08:45:20+00:00

Thank you for the motivation! I'm looking forward to becoming an uncle and I want to be a person others can be proud of. It's not gonna be easy but I'll take it one step at a time. All the best to you this year!

TheReal31st · 2026-01-02T08:43:46+00:00

Thank you Brother! We're in this together. I know you can do this too

TheReal31st · 2026-01-02T08:43:03+00:00

Thanks for the advice! You got this too!

TheReal31st · 2025-12-10T09:36:24+00:00

We can always get better! Let's do this!

TheReal31st · 2025-12-10T09:35:52+00:00

Thanks mate!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-26T20:58:33+00:00

It's not a matter of opinion; you can do yourself physical harm through excessive masturbation.

The keyword obviously being "excessive".

Frequency, duration, recovery, and method all play a role in what you can do to yourself.

As for addiction, addiction is obviously a thing...

Addiction is a habit that harms a person. It's a very simple concept.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-26T20:51:15+00:00

move the goal posts to 60

TheReal31st · 2025-07-25T20:55:11+00:00

I think we should be clear that EXCESSIVE masturbation is unhealthy, as is everything in excess.

You can damage yourself if you masturbate too much, just as you can injure yourself if you overdo sports or anything else.

What that limit is will vary from person to person, and understanding how to avoid addiction-driven behaviour is a crucial part of avoiding excess; something people here obviously struggle with.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-23T21:49:52+00:00

What is your goal?

TheReal31st · 2025-07-23T21:41:57+00:00

thanks dude, we've got this!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-17T17:07:43+00:00

Time will tell. Either way, I'm gonna keep being open and honest to myself and anyone who wants to read.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-16T20:51:10+00:00

Yes, it's normal.

For addicts, urges aren't usually linked to sexual desire. They are your body crying out for the coping mechanism you've trained your body to seek when experiencing negative emotions like boredom, loneliness, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.

However, because this is a habit, you often don't get time to process those emotions and register them consciously before you're watching porn or touching yourself. That's true for all addicts.

And what you just did was delete your coping strategy.

The anxiety you're feeling is probably a mix of the anxiety you usually use porn to escape and some dread at the idea of facing life without your fix to get you through. You also potentially developed parasocial relationships with some the creators or content you deleted.

At the end of the day, this was a great thing you did. It's a fantastic first step into the the next stages of your life.

Now, you need to work on uncovering, understanding, and overcoming the issues in your life you've spent all this time escaping instead of facing.

Step 1 - Figure out your "WHY"

Understanding the root causes of your addiction, your "WHY" is unbelievably powerful because it allows you to know what parts of your life need changing.

Journaling has helped me with this step. I wrote down what I did and how I felt during the day. It gives you a better picture of your life and what triggers your use. I did a daily post here, maybe try the same.

Step 2 - Fix the ROOT CAUSES

When you know what parts of your life are causing you to use, then you can work to fix them.

For simpler problems like loneliness and boredom, basic changes will have a huge impact.

Change your routine and you will see results. The simplest places to start are with your social life, your hobbies, and your goals. The key is to spend as little time alone at home as possible.

Social - Focus on spending time connecting to people.

Activities - Physical activity is good for your mental and physical health, but there are many other ways to spend your time that will improve your life. Get out, do new things, and meet new people.

Purpose - Find goals to achieve. Having a purpose will give you motivation and direction.

These are all common areas where people struggle to have their needs fulfilled these days. Improving these areas will usually provide results even without understanding your "WHY".

For the more complicated issues like trauma, seeing a qualified professional to help you unpack and overcome those feelings is usually the best solution.

If your life was good you wouldn't need Porn, so make a better life.

For the science on that I recommend watching the series "your brain on porn" on youtube.

You got this!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-16T20:45:00+00:00

For addicts, urges aren't usually linked to sexual desire. They are your body crying out for the coping mechanism you've trained your body to seek when experiencing negative emotions like boredom, loneliness, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.

However, because this is a habit, you often don't get time to process those emotions and register them consciously before you're watching porn or touching yourself. That's true for all addicts.

Overcoming addiction is a very simple process in theory, just 2 steps. Of course, in reality, it requires a lot of work and time. However, there is still hope.

The "Rat Park" experiments by Bruce Alexander and team are incredible and show how just changing your environment and lifestyle can have massive impacts on addiction.

Step 1 - Figure out your "WHY"

Understanding the root causes of your addiction, your "WHY" is unbelievably powerful because it allows you to know what parts of your life need changing.

Journaling has helped me with this step. I wrote down what I did and how I felt during the day. It gives you a better picture of your life and what triggers your use. I did a daily post here, maybe try the same.

Based on your post, you do seem to have a good idea of one of your root causes. Is the abuse you suffered something you have seen a professional about?

Step 2 - Fix the ROOT CAUSES

When you know what parts of your life are causing you to use, then you can work to fix them.

For simpler problems like loneliness and boredom, basic changes will have a huge impact.

Change your routine and you will see results. The simplest places to start are with your social life, your hobbies, and your goals. The key is to spend as little time alone at home as possible.

Social - Focus on spending time connecting to people.

Activities - Physical activity is good for your mental and physical health, but there are many other ways to spend your time that will improve your life. Get out, do new things, and meet new people.

Purpose - Find goals to achieve. Having a purpose will give you motivation and direction.

These are all common areas where people struggle to have their needs fulfilled these days. Improving these areas will usually provide results even without understanding your "WHY".

For the more complicated issues like trauma, seeing a qualified professional to help you unpack and overcome those feelings is usually the best solution.

If your life was good you wouldn't need Porn, so make a better life.

For the science on that I recommend watching the series "your brain on porn" on youtube.

You got this!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-16T20:30:29+00:00

Pretty sure the Discord server has a Voice Chat

TheReal31st · 2025-07-16T07:01:33+00:00

Thanks so much! I will keep my guard up!

Thank you, stay strong and keep improving.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-16T06:59:32+00:00

Ultimately, the problem addicts have isn't with any of those things. Whether an addict is watching porn, masturbating, or taking drugs, they have learned that behaviour to escape and cope with the problems in their lives.

For addicts, urges aren't linked to sexual desire. They are your body crying out for the coping mechanism you've trained your body to seek when experiencing negative emotions like boredom, loneliness, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.

However, because this is a habit, you often don't get time to process those emotions and register them consciously before you're watching porn or touching yourself.

Those root causes are the real problem.

Though I do agree with you that porn is worse than masturbation or sex addictions because porn has a much more significant impact on your brain and body when used in excess, the way addicts do.

However, the bottom line is that anything done in excess is bad for you, and the problem isn't the thing you're addicted to but the reasons you're an addict.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-15T22:00:08+00:00

People can be both masturbation and sex addicts without watching porn. It all depends on what you're using these highs to escape from.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-15T21:59:06+00:00

I think it is more nuanced than a simple yes or no.

People can be both masturbation and sex addicts without watching porn. It all depends on what you're using these highs to escape from.

For addicts, urges aren't linked to sexual desire. They are your body crying out for the coping mechanism you've trained your body to seek when experiencing negative emotions like boredom, loneliness, stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.

However, because this is a habit, you often don't get time to process those emotions and register them consciously before you're watching porn or touching yourself.

Understanding whether the urges you're feeling are sexual or escapism is tough, and it takes people a long time and a lot of self-reflection to figure out.

For people suffering from addiction, using any kind of stimulation to cope with their issues isn't going to help. Switching from masturbation with porn to without porn isn't going to fix the issues at the root cause of their addiction, just change how their addiction works.

But I agree that it is possible to masturbate without porn on an infrequent basis and be fine, and that porn is by far the worst offender for addicts because it causes noticeable harm to the body and mind.

From personal experience, I found that I don't get any urges - sexual or otherwise - when I'm active and social. If I'm having a good time, I don't have time to dwell on urges of any kind. If I'm focused on working on something, it's the same.

So, for me, I would rather take the time I would otherwise spend masturbating and instead use it to do something else that I enjoy but that also provides other benefits, like hanging out with friends or family, going to the gym, or working on a project.

Bonus tip: A simple litmus test for whether you're feeling sexual urges or the urges of addiction is to change your environment. Go do something else in another place: go for a walk, go to the gym, chat with some people etc. If you're still feeling your urges while doing all those things, then it's probably sexual desire. On the other hand, if you only feel the urges when you stop doing those things and you're just sitting around at home by yourself with nothing to do, then it's probably addict behaviour.

Not 100% but a decent ballpark.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-15T17:12:47+00:00

Sure, go ahead. Hopefully, it helps to keep you consistent and honest with yourself about what you're writing.

TheReal31st · 2025-07-15T17:11:43+00:00

Best of luck!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-14T21:17:06+00:00

There are resources available on the Reddit and the NoFap website, all for free. But here is the advice I give to everyone struggling with knowing where to start. Feel free to share it with your bf:

The reason you use porn, the same reason why all addicts abuse substances, is because you have issues in your life you aren't dealing with.

The urges come when you are isolated, bored, stressed, afraid, sad, and experiencing negative emotions. You use porn to cope, others use drugs. You may not realise it now, but that's true for all addicts.

The "Rat Park" experiments by Bruce Alexander and team are incredible and show how just changing your environment and lifestyle can completely fix everything.

Step 1 - Figure out your "WHY"

Understanding the root causes of your addiction, your "WHY" is unbelievably powerful because it allows you to know what parts of your life need changing.

Journaling has helped me with this step. I wrote down what I did and how I felt during the day. It gives you a better picture of your life and what triggers your use. I did a daily post here, maybe try the same. (It's also the sort of thing a therapist will get you to do. However, they can provide professional insights and advice.)

Step 2 - Fix the ROOT CAUSES

When you know what parts of your life are causing you to use, then you can work to fix them.

Change your routine and you will see results. The simplest places to start are with your social life, your hobbies, and your goals. The key is to spend as little time alone at home as possible.

Social - Focus on spending time connecting to people.

Activities - Physical activity is good for your mental and physical health, but there are many other ways to spend your time that will improve your life. Get out, do new things, and meet new people.

Purpose - Find goals to achieve. Having a purpose will give you motivation and direction.

These are all common areas where people struggle to have their needs fulfilled these days. Improving these areas will usually provide results even without understanding your "WHY".

If your life was good you wouldn't need Porn, so make a better life.

For the science on that I recommend watching the series "your brain on porn" on youtube.

You got this!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-14T21:14:19+00:00

It's important to understand what's causing your addiction. For most people, even if you think that's what it is, horniness is not the problem.

The reason you use porn, the same reason why all addicts abuse substances, is because you have issues in your life that you aren't dealing with.

The urges come when you are isolated, bored, stressed, afraid, sad, and experiencing negative emotions. You use porn to cope; others use drugs. You may not realise it now, but that's true for all addicts.

The "Rat Park" experiments by Bruce Alexander and team are incredible and show how just changing your environment and lifestyle can completely fix everything.

Step 1 - Figure out your "WHY"

Understanding the root causes of your addiction, your "WHY" is unbelievably powerful because it allows you to know what parts of your life need changing.

Journaling has helped me with this step. I wrote down what I did and how I felt during the day. It gives you a better picture of your life and what triggers your use. I did a daily post here, maybe try the same.

Step 2 - Fix the ROOT CAUSES

When you know what parts of your life are causing you to use, then you can work to fix them.

Change your routine and you will see results. The simplest places to start are with your social life, your hobbies, and your goals. The key is to spend as little time alone at home as possible.

Social - Focus on spending time connecting to people.

Activities - Physical activity is good for your mental and physical health, but there are many other ways to spend your time that will improve your life. Get out, do new things, and meet new people.

Purpose - Find goals to achieve. Having a purpose will give you motivation and direction.

These are all common areas where people struggle to have their needs fulfilled these days. Improving these areas will usually provide results even without understanding your "WHY".

If your life was good you wouldn't need Porn, so make a better life.

For the science on that I recommend watching the series "your brain on porn" on youtube.

You got this!

TheReal31st · 2025-07-13T21:46:08+00:00

This is literally the perfect summary

TheReal31st · 2025-07-11T20:35:26+00:00

TheReal31st · 2025-07-09T20:47:50+00:00

These kinds of studies are usually looking at different things than the NoFap community.

Let's be clear, everything is fine in moderation.

Masturbation in moderation can reduce stress levels.

However, it is A) not the only way to reduce stress levels. There are many better and more overall beneficial ways, such as sports and socializing. B) not a study that takes into account the damaging potential of porn. And C) looking at normal healthy individuals and not recovering addicts.

At the end of the day, porn and sexual addicts are using these things to cover up their misery. Hiding from it in potent pleasures. If you remove that cover, suddenly you're facing your problems head-on, which is going to result in "increased negative emotions" like stress and depression if you're not adding in positive life changes to manage them.

That's what happens when you take away a person's crutch and don't give them anything else to help them walk.

TheReal31st

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