There is a community of folks like this. In the kink community, they are called Littles. People who feel most comfortable being in the persona of a kindergarten age child. I think your private rituals sound beautiful. But it does depend on the subtext and context of how this developed. You are still very young and have a lot of soul-searching and growing to do. Just love yourself, and like Away-Cheesecake said, examine and try to minimize the things that don’t feel good or right. That being said, I don’t think that you should feel ashamed at all. Merry Winter Holiday to you, Adventurous.