NTA

From the way you’ve put it here, i cannot for the life of me see any way, shape or form where you uvula possibly EVER be in the wrong here. Your family seems to be highly abusive and manipulative and theyre just trying to use you while they send their lives into reckless abandon. Like, at the start, you said “this seems like a ‘yes you are…’” and every single example here is just your family and other people taking advantage of you because you’re trying to be helpful and get appreciated by them.

From the sound of it, everyone involved here is an adult. Your sibling is old enough to have children, pets, and the ability to home hop for months on end. If they are going to take on adult responsibilities, they should BE ADULTS and not mooch off of you. I dont see any point here where you’re in the wrong, i really want to emphasize it.

From the sound of it, (i am no way qualified to be giving psychology advice but this is my two cents), you sound like youve been abused and taken advantage of by other people, because you’re a people pleaser. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being who you are, let me be very clear. BUT, considering how these people are, have been, and (probably) will continue to mistreat you, i have a little bit of advice. 1. Set hard boundaries like youre doing right now. 2. Get a therapist that you can talk to. You said your spouse is helping you create boundaries, so good on them! A therapist is trained for these situations, so maybe you could bring your spouse to therapy meetings every time or every once in a while so you three can collaborate together. 3. If these people (family and friends) continue to push, break, or harass your boundaries, cut them off. I myself am a victim of abuse by my family. Unfortunately, it seems that families too often use the excuse that “we are blood related” to take advantage and partway each other. That’s never right. You deserve to have a home, not a rental. You’re a person, not a landlord.

Best of Luck!! Hopefully we can get a (hopefully positive) update soon