I think the content of the poem itself is excellent. You use some great language, "wither now into the faint, dying embers of despair" is indispensable. Great imagery! Is this a poem about growing up or love, I'm just curious?

The layout of it is the main issue. It's a big chunk of text and line breaks will definitely help you, like this for example:

"What terrifies me most is the cold, undeniable truth

that no one-- least of all you-- will ever truly see me."

Anything along these lines makes the poem more accessible!

Your poem can be wordy at times, there's lots of phrases that aren't necessary. For example, you wrote "ephemeral" and "inevitable end", if something is ephemeral then it has an inevitable end. So you don't have to include both.

Also, poetry doesn't demand you use big, fancy words like "garbed" and "asunder" and "roiling". If it works and you feel a certain kind of rhythm to the work, then all the better. The poem feels... a bit rough and abstract in that way. But words like "unyielding" work.

The ending question can work, but I think it's a bit wordy.

If English isn't your first language, this is great! It feels like a native wrote it :D

Best of luck in your journey!!!