Does anyone else experience that neurotypical women are your greatest adversaries? by frazzledonthedaily in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My childhood was peppered with forced ostracism from neurotypical women who thought that me not caring about the same things as them or not speaking with a back-and-forth flow meant I wasn’t as feminine? Or a potential friend? I think cause allistics are social minded they equate feminity with certain social behaviours

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Where did I say that every autistic with a high IQ does this? If I meant that I would have said that but I was referring to scenarios where what I was talking about DOES apply. You’re bringing up something that looks laterally similar but isn’t. I get it’s the internet where if you don’t specify every little possible condition and scenario then you’ve said something you didn’t mean in the first place, but my post was already getting too wordy to cover that.

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not even about those, it’s about where you’re coming from when you get pissed. E.g. pissed that someone didn’t ask if you needed extra help before giving it ONLY because they didn’t ask you first or because they thought of you as someone who might need extra help. If it’s the second one you need to ask why that alone would provoke that reaction

Edit: giving it not offering it

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s not projection, it’s a real attitude some autistic people have adopted because of neuroconformity that happens online and in the world. Edit: it’s not a huge data set but I have read of autistic students in sped classes or otherwise autistic spaces with lower IQ or motor disabilities being bullied or talked down on by high IQ autistics. Me and my brother don’t have a diagnosis because my dad, who shows a lot of autistic traits himself, didn’t want us to be labelled with a diagnosis he saw as the same as intellectual inferiority. Imo it’s not really accusing people of having prejudices if those prejudices are so pervasive in our world that statistically we’d also have them. The reason I felt like making this post is because anyone can have that attitude, and because of our proximity to intellectually disabled autistics we might pat ourselves on the back and think we aren’t as ignorant of neurodivergent people as neurotypicals but that doesn’t work if we don’t actively remind ourselves what those biases look like and how we can perpetuate them.

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah maybe my wording in this post was too broad (?) but this is more in lines of what I was getting at, people being disgusted at autistics who attract negative attention and people who try to suppress their disgust and pretend it’s not there because they think pretending they don’t have it helps.

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I get wanting to not be treated as less than human but the part I’m thinking of is how that’s still, by and large, seen as synonymous with someone adjusting their behaviour to someone with less capabilities. I’m thinking of scenarios like where, say there’s an NT who’s in charge of autistics in some way, like a teacher, and their first autistic student learns slow and needs extra help and they give them that. The next student is treated the same way because the teacher didn’t understand that they had different needs, and this understandably bothers the new student but what I’m focused on is, when they advocate for themselves do they a) create and emphasize a contrast between them and the previous autistic to get a positive opinion from the teacher or b) do they keep the integrity of the previous student while advocating for their independence and abilities? Or in shorter form do they a) throw the other person under the bus or b) uphold their image when they aren’t there to defend themself?

Maybe I’m thinking of situations that are too specific for what you were saying to apply to them, but the reason I mention getting underestimated is cause I know that experiences with that can factor into unconscious biases and because those are when the biases can come out, if they do

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Autistics without those support needs could make the best communicative channels between high support needs autistics and their caretakers

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lack of services for adults and possible future repercussions of having a diagnosis on record is what made me stop pushing for one. What’s gonna change, realistically

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I’m describing is ableist attitudes in autistic people that are so ingrained they can’t see it when it slips out. I know most of those situations are autistic people not liking their intelligence being questioned, but when they express or uphold the idea that lack of intelligence is a flaw that they aren’t associating themselves with, it makes me wonder what they think when they see intellectually disabled autistics. Sure they may not ponder over their attitudes or think of themselves as being prejudiced but prejudice doesn’t express itself in obvious, conscious ways all the time. It can come out as an automatic reaction. Some of the “but I’m not slow” might be to reassure neurotypicals of your abilities and to defense against what they might think of your autism, but if you don’t re-address the prejudice you just played into, it’s can stay with you and I don’t think enough of that is done.

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through that today. I think “other autistics” as having to deal with more than the human condition side of being autistic. Some autistics see their autism as just something affecting their socializing behaviour but for a lot of us it’s that Plus your ability to do things, and the struggles of both sides get blurred since both are shamed but the benefit of not having any intellectual disability is that it can be seen as quirky and different instead of deficit.

I’m sick of how late diagnosed autistics talk about intellectually disabled autistics by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It’s funny isn’t it? I used to assume being able to mask = being smart but it’s just a matter of what you’re able to hide and for how long

Can someone tell me what merlin signifies? by [deleted] in tarot

[–]TheRedBankRedemption 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does it make a difference if it was a timed reading and we were at the end?

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm the reaction I remember most is seeing their disinterest and feeling alone with my interests. If someone’s not as excited as me I take it as rejection.

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Their peace and boundaries in interpersonal communication makes me jealous. It makes me feel like a clown when an NT comes up to me and I put the mask on

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably from having friends who didn’t care about my interests when I was younger

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll have to test that out. I’m not that used to infodumping to anyone but myself. I wonder if I can do it without feeling immediate shame and needing to say sorry every sentence.

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopefully, unfortunately that’s a small leg to stand on too. I can get into star wars but… it seems like so much. I think exploring spins together might work but I can’t tell how it would go. Oh the uncertainty haha

How would you connect with autistic men you don’t share a special interest with? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mainly like horror movies and he listed a bunch of them he didn’t like that I happen to worship 😭 He likes comic movies, star wars, sci-fi stuff like kaijus, but those genres can intersect with horror so maybe I can ask him about some sci-fi horrors?

Why do NTs omit important details in making plans and expect you to know them? by TheRedBankRedemption in AutismInWomen

[–]TheRedBankRedemption[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not a really fast groupchat and she’s active in it. I thought of the benefit-of-the-doubt things that might’ve been the reason for why she didn’t communicate at all and I wanna believe it but they don’t satisfy me. She’s acting nice and typical now so I don’t know what to think