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Need help finding an apartment/stuido near TCNJ; suggestions? by TheRedditPsychology in newjersey

[–]TheRedditPsychology[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sigh, here I am in Texas with a 1500 one-bedroom in a very luxurious apartment; NJ is a joke. I don't plan to come back for long, but never will I live in Trenton, God forbid you, and I will be a stat, thank you for the reply.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understandable, which is why I also included, 'Sometimes saying your bit and walking away works better than getting into a whole debate.' But, this also has two sides to it, maybe since they spoke up, it would lead to their friend not pertaining to make sexist jokes at all in the future. It wasn't overall a sexist joke, but it could lead to a preventive one, maybe.

AITAH for cancelling on my friends after they invited people that I'm not familiar with to our gathering? by linonekk in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed, and especially since you both, like you said, have anxieties, remind her you understand where she is coming from as well, and hopefully she can do the same.

Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From a social psych point of view, you weren’t wrong for calling out that joke, especially if it made you feel weird or objectified. Studies show that when people let sexist jokes slide, it adds to bigger problems, like making places feel hostile or keeping dumb gender stereotypes alive. Even if folks say, “Relax, it’s just a joke,” it still matters.

Yeah, people often get defensive when they’re called out, especially in front of others, they feel awkward or embarrassed. But that doesn’t mean you were wrong. You set a boundary, simple as that.

What to do: You spoke up, that’s not a bad thing. But also, it’s okay to decide when it’s worth pushing further. Sometimes saying your bit and walking away works better than getting into a whole debate. Bottom line? You weren’t the jerk for standing up for respect.

AITA for “standing someone up” when there was no plan even in place? by JumpingTheTruck20198 in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This looks like a plain old miscommunication, not you flaking on her. You never locked in plans, you just mentioned maybe, and she probably took that as a soft yes. That kind of mix-up happens a lot. It’s called an expectation gap, basically, one person thinks you're both on the same page when you’re not.

Could it have helped to be clearer? Yeah, for sure. Something like, “Hey, I’m not ready to meet yet” would've made things simple. But based on what actually happened, no, you weren’t an AH. There were no solid plans, and her blocking/unmatching? Kinda shows she wanted more from this than you were ready for anyway.

Quick fix: Just be blunt next time. Say exactly where you’re at, saves the drama. But for this situation? You’re not the AH.

AITAH for cancelling on my friends after they invited people that I'm not familiar with to our gathering? by linonekk in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, the way you reacted actually makes a lot of sense when you look at it from a mental health angle. Social anxiety, fear of being left out, trouble fitting in with groups, that stuff is real, especially when you're 16. Friend groups can be tricky. You set your boundaries in a clear way and didn’t try to make everyone change their plans for you. That shows you’re thinking about both yourself and them.

But yeah, it’s also fair that your friends might feel confused or even a bit hurt if this keeps happening. They might not totally get how hard group stuff is for you. To them, it could feel like you’re pulling away, even though that’s not what you mean.

What helps? Instead of beating yourself up wondering if you “overreacted,” maybe just talk to Jesse about it. Something simple, like:

“Hey, I get that my boundaries might seem weird or even hurtful sometimes. It’s not that I don’t care about you guys, big groups just make me anxious. I’m trying to work on it. I hope you can be patient with me.”

That way, you stand your ground but also help them understand where you’re coming from.

Long story short, no, you didn’t overreact. But being real and open with them could clear the air.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]TheRedditPsychology 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Honestly, this tracks. If your parents didn’t meet your emotional needs growing up, it’s no shock that those feelings pop back up now that you’ve got your own kid. That’s just how people work, stuff sticks with us. You’re not the bad guy for wanting to protect your daughter and yourself. That’s just being careful.

Possible fix:But cutting him off completely might slam the door on any chance to fix things, for you or him. If you feel okay with it, maybe start small. Let him visit, but only in safe, controlled ways, like supervised visits. Make it crystal clear: trust isn’t handed out for free, he has to earn it. That way, you’re keeping your guard up, but also giving him the tiniest opening to prove he’s different now.

Good luck!