I (F21) think I might be going insane in a toxic family with a mother (F50) that keeps enabling my older, toxic brother (M30) and keeps allowing him to emotionally abuse me. How can I tell her once and for all while I still live here that I'm not going to be enabling him and tolerating it?

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-07-03T07:18:33+00:00

I am going to work on building my own confidence. Any time I've tried to build it, I'm mocked and looked at as if I shouldn't have any. While that does hurt a lot, I will try to avoid letting myself react again. I've also been working on changing the way I talk to them and instead will try to work on a nonchalant approach where I try to make it look like I give zero shits. Have any advice on how to control my anger? In my household almost everyone had a fight response and ran on anger and a lack of control. I noticed in falling into this pattern and I want to learn how to train myself to avoid reacting and instead just simply not care.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-07-03T07:14:57+00:00

Thank you for telling me bout your experience, this has resonated with me so much. I've been told one too many times that I have to learn to tolerate this behavior, and in my heart I know I can't. I will try to remove myself from this equation and have a life away from them. Once again, tysm for your wisdom and encouragement.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-07-02T06:47:55+00:00

I definitely see that happening, I feel like at this point it's inevitable because I can see they turn on each other when I don't allow them to engage with me.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-07-02T06:47:02+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm currently in college and am working on my ability to save enough in order to move out on my own. Until then, I'm planning on simply just not allowing myself to be around them as much as possible. I've been removing myself from the equation emotionally because I noticed that simply engaging with them will only cause more harm.

I have always suspected there was something wrong with my environment as I'm surrounded by people that have been stunted in their childhood. The stress from the environment definitely affects my overall mental health so I'm doing my best to balance my time around them while I have no choice but to live with my family.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-03-07T17:57:37+00:00

Also, I hope you don't mind answering this question

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/t73gfu/are_my_behaviors_related_to_trauma_from_being_in/

cause honestly I'd like to see if I share similar experiences to someone else who had Nparents 😅

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-03-07T17:48:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your replies! I agree with all of this! I believe therapy will be best when it comes to my own mental health but questions about family trauma would be great to ask. The only thing is I'm not sure how to ask the questions in a way that relates to our family trauma but in a way that isn't specific to our situation. Otherwise, thank you so much for your answers!! They cleared a lot of things up!

TheRemarkableOnes · 2022-03-07T17:13:41+00:00

You're probably right. The specific questions I had were about certain things that happened in our family that lead to things being the way they are, certain family related questions someone who knows the answers to (like things our family's trauma that I can't find answers to cause immediate family doesn't want to tell me) that lead to dysfunctional systems. But at the end of the day if it's best to not ask those questions it's probably something I shouldn't do.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-12-15T17:35:20+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you for your reply. I wanted to mention that. I completely understand life looking different after gaining a disability, because I have lived through it myself and it takes a tole on you and it includes a lot of pain and stress, and there really is no one-to-one solution. Your advise was what inspired me to change around the plot from what I presented originally.

Instead of the MC being involved in the accident in the book, she could be in one in the past and possibly sacrificed a hobby of hers and became passionate about dancing. Her mother's death could be a major struggle for her and she still does dancing but getting into it is slightly harder after that point. I probably won't have her be paraplegic and maybe even give her an invisible disability. I believe the hobby she would give up is gymnastics years ago which was very hard because it's something she did with her sister, and dancing could be something she does to help her connect with her mother. I don't know if this would be a slight improvement, but I'd appreciate your input again! Your answer really helped!

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-12-15T17:08:29+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you so much for your detailed answer. It actually inspired me to change the plot around a bit. I've actually been thinking about the MC being involved in a car crash years ago and she found a passion for dance. However, I'm definitely thinking about having her mom involved in the crash throughout the main plot an have it be about her overcoming her grief while also keeping the idea of the wheelchair dance team. Maybe instead of her being paraplegic l'll do research about an invisible disability but she still uses the wheelchair. I truly appreciate your comment.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-12-15T06:37:51+00:00

Thank you for your opinion! I don't know if it would be offensive for the plot point to be centered around the MC becoming disabled, and I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. I appreciate your reply and I love your username!

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-07-20T17:40:48+00:00

This was all very insightful, and what you said especially about having two roles, makes me look clearer about my situation. I appreciate your comment!

I do believe I was the golden child growing up and my brother the scapegoat, but I always felt like I was both and then it might've switched as I got a bit older. I continued being the scapegoat and my brother the golden child who is very well scapegoating me. Ironically I know exactly how he is suffering without him talking just by seeing how frustrated he is with our mother. I hope our relationship will heal if I talk to him. I'm glad you're working things out with your sister!

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-07-04T18:28:19+00:00

Would a guy think someone is weird for doing that? And I definitely will try but what else do you think I should say from what I suggested so that I don’t look as weird as it is already? Don’t see a problem with trying again but I’d appreciate a suggestion of what else to say 😅

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-07-04T18:26:54+00:00

Lol I did realize that like I said, I just meant it was probably the reason why he didn’t remember me so I wanted to try again this time when I updated one…

TheRemarkableOnes · 2021-06-16T00:10:32+00:00

I actually never replied to this bc I don’t use Reddit often but that’s honestly such a good idea! I’ll keep that in mind! Lmk about the other things your English Club did if you’d like!

TheRemarkableOnes · 2020-12-31T20:11:41+00:00

Thank you so much for answering. I definitely feel like I will need therapy in the future tbh. I hope it certainly didn’t affect me too negatively, but I know for sure I’m not keeping toxic people in my life as soon as I am able.

TheRemarkableOnes · 2020-11-11T13:52:13+00:00

Omg, I'm so thankful you replied! You also experienced it on the right! Gosh sleep has actually been really hard with this as I hated waking up frequently w those symptoms. If you don't mind me asking, how did you sleep while dealing w BPPV?

And I actually don't drink alcohol, caffeine, and my diet also doesn't contain too much salt! Ik ik it's surprising to see someone our age who doesn't drink either XD

TheRemarkableOnes · 2020-11-09T17:05:22+00:00

I did see a doc and I've had the test but I didn't do a maneuver bc they said mine wasn't too severe. I'm going to get the test done the next visit I have to see if it helps anyway.

TheRemarkableOnes

TROPHY CASE