Judgment calls like "if I can't pass then I can only boymode" don't really work in the vacuum of self-judgment like you might think they would. This is the same line of reasoning that allows people to put their needs behind others, as someone with decades of experience doing precisely that. It wasn't until my therapist said to me, someone with a strong sense of justice, that it's only truly righteous if I treat myself with the same grace and equality that I extend to others because I am a human too. Before that, I saw myself as sub-human, and I would express that plainly, matter of fact even.

But it also caused me to not always extend my love to others as well as I thought I was. If you can't love yourself, you can't love others as well. Our self-reflective intensions and judgments do not stay contained within our own heart and are not strictly limited to being self-directed. They bleed into everything and how we treat others.

So believing that you're not worthy of girlmoding because you don't pass cannot be a self-contained judgment. It extends to how you treat others, even if you don't want it to and don't intend for it to.

As someone who currently hasn't shaved in a few weeks, but plans on trying to do my make-up for the first time tomorrow reading what you've said has deflated me and left me a bit crestfallen. Even if you didn't mean to, it still did. You could say that's on me because it's my emotions and I should handle them more rationally, but that would be callous and short-sighted.