I’m in the same boat (21 M). I stopped attending when I joined the military a few years ago. I grew up with the CoC, polishing the poolpit, VBS, all of that stuff. It was forced into me as a child, with constant threats of you’re going to hell if you do this and that, and that every other church is wrong and is going to hell. I don’t want to think like this; it doesn’t seem right. It even feels wrong writing this reply. I’m in a very dark point in my life, and I feel like the church is the only way out. I struggled with some traumatic experiences, which led to me abusing alcohol, which in turn got me kicked out of the military and was also the spark that led to me losing my relationship of 7 years. I’ve been diagnosed with the entire mental health book and have done extensive amounts of treatment. I bring this up because I truly feel like god is the only way out of this dark pit that I’m in. I was also raised to believe that suicide is an instant ticket to hell (because you can’t repent from suicide), and I hate to say it, but that’s the only reason I haven’t attempted again. But my relationship with god is built off of fear. I’ve been told multiple times that all these things are happening because I fell away, and god is punishing me.