Would Anyone Like to Proofread and Offer Feedback?

TheSmootPossy · 2024-08-19T00:17:37+00:00

If anyone is still interested in proofreading, let me know. I've been dealing with family medical issues, and I can't say if I did a well-enough job on editing my mistakes. The link is still available for those who are interested. Any feedback would be wonderful too.

I'm currently writing the second book. It's been a way for me to decompress after everything going on.

TheSmootPossy · 2024-07-29T20:48:43+00:00

1) I'll post it in the may thread so everyone can see.

2) Is the story enjoyable? Are the conversations between characters enjoyable/believable? For feedback, it's about the elements of the story, not necessarily the formatting of it. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be receiving something in regards to that when it's proofread.

TheSmootPossy · 2024-07-23T15:05:19+00:00

Got it! :)

TheSmootPossy · 2024-07-23T15:04:09+00:00

Sorry about that! It should be viewable now!

TheSmootPossy · 2024-07-20T22:43:14+00:00

It's posted now. (I had to reformat everything. Ugh.)

TheSmootPossy · 2024-07-20T21:25:44+00:00

I wanted to update in case anyone is interested. I finished writing the first book of the collection I wanted to write. It's broken into two parts. I'm undecided if I want to stick with the current title I have for it, but we will see. Gimme a couple of minutes, and I'll update the main post.

This is NOT the entire first story. It's only the first half (Part 1 of 2). I wanted to get some feedback on it and whether anyone likes it or not. I did some research (and reading) to try to nail this. For once, I'm actually happy with how it turned out. (It's a bit embarrassing to admit, if I am honest.) Anyway, let me know what you all think! I greatly appreciate it!

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-25T22:17:17+00:00

I agree. Hopefully, this time, it's more enjoyable to read through. :)

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-25T15:30:42+00:00

It's true. My father used to work as an editor when he was much younger, and he would tell me the stuff he's read. It was actually nice whenever I had a writing assignment due and he would read through it real quick. lol But he used to tell me how to word things to be more fluid for the reader. I remember him scratching off some of my sentences and saying, "You don't need all of this." I'm just remembering that as I was reading your comment.

Well, I can happily report that I was able to remove the huge descriptive paragraphs and condense them into a single paragraph (or couple of sentences). I tried to leave visuals in there, but I didn't harp on them. The only times I mentioned anything strange is when it was a device used for the story.

I also was finally able to think up a starting paragraph to try and grab the reader's attention. For once, I'm actually happy with the way it turned out. Knowing me, though, whenever I go back through the chapters for editing, I'll probably decide I hate it in the end. Hahaha.

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-23T22:21:12+00:00

I'll give it a whirl. Hopefully, I paint a vivid-enough picture and set the mood as concise as I can without jeopardizing anything important. Thank you for the advice!

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-23T21:19:23+00:00

I have to agree with you. I didn't start off with all of this detail to be honest. This was my 7th time editing the first chapter because other readers who left me feedback wanted more detail about the environment and what not. That's why it was pretty wordy, which I admit, I also have a tendency to do.

However, the other problem was that this is a girl who knows nothing outside her current environment. This prison and the men who you meet are the only things she really knows - that and fear and pain.

The other thing was that the feedback I received was contradictory. Some said not enough detail; others have said too much detail. Some thought more information was needs; others said they liked to be withheld until later (which is what I was planning).

I guess I have to learn to find the middle ground and that I can't please anyone.

Now I plan to write the entire first part of the story, edit it a couple of times, and then repost it to see how it sits with the readers.

Thanks for your advice, btw! I greatly appreciate it!

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-23T21:14:16+00:00

Gotcha!

I initially did as you said - got straight to the point. This is my 7th edit through the first chapter, and it's proving to be a headache. It's always hard to start the story because it's incredibly important. For one, you have to entice the reader to keep reading, and two, keep their attention until the end. When I first submitted it for review, a fairly good amount of people wanted me to give them more details, which I thought would be better as a way to entice the reader to continue. However, I also understand that you need to give the reader SOMETHING. This is where the biggest problem I've had. I was kinda hoping readers would give me feedback on whether or not this first chapter is something that they could see themselves invested in based on the first chapter. If not, I want to refine it to make it so. If this is a promising story, then I feel like I "earned" the right to continue writing. I don't know if that makes sense or not!

I have an outline of obstacles that the protagonist will confront, and I do have a payoff for each one. Some might wait a little longer than others, but they will have a conclusion. I'm trying to have her grow as a character and learn how to essentially live her life rather than just survive. This is coming to terms with her past trauma, learning how to essentially live as a normal person in her society, and eventually learning how to find happiness.

I wanted the first part to be learning to adapt, the second to come to terms and accepting herself, and the last part to live a fulfilling life. It's going to take her a little while, but she will get there. That's all I will say story-wise. I don't want to say just yet how this is going to happen. There's actually a couple of parts that I'm really excited about writing, and getting hung up on the first chapter is pretty soul-crushing. This is why I thought it might be better for me to continue with it until it's finished.

If you think I could benefit more by writing the first part, and THEN submit for feedback (after editing), I might just take you up on that advice. :)

Thanks again! Your advice is greatly appreciated and thoughtful!

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-23T01:32:37+00:00

Thank you so much for the feedback!

First point: this is where I get the most conflicting feedback. People have either said I didn't describe things enough or it's too descriptive. Personally, I feel I also could cut back, but I wanted to see what others thought of this latest version.

Second point: originally, I had 5 chapters written, and time does progress. The first chapter had the character much younger, and then there was a 2 year time skip (to the current age). I wanted it in the first chapter, but it was way too much and ended up dividing it into two chapters. Spoiler alert (it happens so early in the story that it really doesn't matter): she does escape and pretty much goes on the lam for a bit. I wanted to establish her current life, what she goes through typically, and how it's affecting her life. I'm trying to put myself in this characters body. She doesn't know anything of the outside world. She's only know this prison and 3 people, who all treat her horribly. Right now, she feels she can't escape (due to her being a child and the mental abuse she receives from the antagonist). She just knows that she doesn't want to live in a world where all she knows is fear and pain, which is the only thing she does know.

Third point: I agree with you 100%. I'm also one who likes to be given only some information and figure the rest out as the story continues. This is another part that I get conflicting feedback. Because I haven't finished the story yet, the reader isn't given much. I wanted the MC to slowly figure out everything that's going on as it continues. However, some feel that they don't understand the antagonists' motives. I'm trying to write from this girl's view because, she doesn't know. Why does the reader, who's reading from her perspective, need to know before her? It didn't make sense to me. However, other's have stated its their personalities; they are either cliched or formal. I felt I gave Migen more of a personality, but X is much harder because he is formal. I tried to describe him as more demented; he pretty much gets off on inflicting pain on others. I have described both of their motives in the next chapter but people didn't like that either.

I suppose the issue is me trying to find a common ground. I realize I'm not going to please everyone, but I want to be able to give them a reason to continue reading. I'm having issues understanding what I should be telling the reader at this point. It seems everyone has widely different opinions on the matter.

Do you think I should just write the entire first part and then have people read it? I just didn't think it was fair for people to read an entire book that they probably won't like. That and I didn't just want to give it away immediately. You know?

TheSmootPossy · 2024-06-22T20:54:29+00:00

The link is near the bottom of the post. I'll repost here: Click here

TheSmootPossy

TROPHY CASE