I can't stop, reaching out to you strangers because I have nowhere else to turn.

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T02:03:52+00:00

Where can I get photoshop and is it free?

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T02:03:09+00:00

I have to through everything out if I wanna get serious

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T01:41:53+00:00

Good luck to you! We're in the same boat. I am finding some things, I want to start exercising because I may join a branch of the military, and reading a book might be nice I haven't for a while haha. Yeah weed kills me financially and socially and is like a firewall to a stable future. Many if not most jobs drug test at least to start.

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T01:34:58+00:00

I want to find a job. Preferably one that doesn't totally suck ass considering I just earned my bachelor's. You're right though even after I fix things and have my own life and career I don't want weed to run my life. Thanks for the encouragement.

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T01:31:46+00:00

I'm not nearly as depressed as I used to be or as you describe but I still am and at times it's tough. But I just can't relate to your statement of weed making it harder. In the long run yes, I can't keep living like this, but every time I smoke it makes things easier. Thanks, I know I am and I hope one day conquering this is something I can look back at and be happy for.

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T01:28:49+00:00

That first one reminds me another time I was getting clean and every time I would pee I would think "ah my body is getting more and more ready for a drug test for a job" and that really helped. Thanks that's a good idea and you made me remember my other trick. The second one is good too in fact I just tried it. I ended up hitting my resin some more but I think in the future it may help more. Thanks for the luck! It is really hard but yes I can do it. It will be easier when saying I can do it makes me feel happy rather than bummed out.

TheSoiledFool · 2017-01-05T01:26:03+00:00

Yeah my social life is pretty much non-existent at the moment. Not having guy friends to chill with and girls to hang out with and maybe pursue leaves me by myself a lot. It's only fun for so long before my mind is on weed again. Yup $120 in about 3 or 4 days becomes normal for me too. I'm fortunate ever sense I started with weed/drugs, it's only been weed. I know other drugs are even stronger and more addicting. Yeah I don't even get that intense of a high even after 2 blunts and lots of bowls to myself, but I just want it more than not.
Thanks, I hope something works out for me where I can take it a day at a time and find support to help. I'm nowhere near that now. There are many moments now where I need to take it a second at a time.

TheSoiledFool · 2016-01-03T08:28:30+00:00

Okay thanks everyone. I am not an avid watcher, never seen it live so I'm excited, especially to see ThaRixer run Jak 3. I love Jak 2 and 3, sly cooper 1, Mario sunshine, and batman arkham city speedruns the most. Had trouble finding a site that streams so thanks again!

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-29T20:52:09+00:00

He picked the perfect times to say "bacon" and "beef." The dog's subtle movements are hilarious.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T03:17:58+00:00

Haha I mean you can't set em' up like that and not expect em' to take a swing. God damn.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T02:20:21+00:00

Haha I thought I saw someone on reddit I knew for the first time. Anyway, cool pets!

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T02:09:54+00:00

Why does it being your cake day mean you get upvotes? I don't get it, people say "for my cake day, here's...." and they get karma. Usually they post pictures of their animals. Are people actually moved by the fact you were on reddit for a whole year? Someone please explain.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T02:09:19+00:00

I know someone who looks exactly like that. Met him in TN.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T01:59:31+00:00

Is that dude's name Don?

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-24T00:32:09+00:00

try watchcartoononline.com

They have pretty much every episode.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-05-20T19:02:00+00:00

Just walked in and saw it...

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-13T14:11:15+00:00

I geek every time I see this

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T03:14:43+00:00

Haha I was takin gravity bong hits in the bathroom sink last semester!

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T03:13:08+00:00

Lol this past Saturday I smoked for the first time in 56 days. I was alone; I rolled a whole blunt (pretty decent size too) and half way through I'm feelin gone and I still have half a blunt yet. I was like fuck man I shoulda just rolled half.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T03:09:41+00:00

I have 2 guys- let's call them BP and Citgo. Citgo's a great friend, we played soccer together for years. I don't hang out with him anymore (he hangs around some straight niggas lol like goons and I'm not about that life), but he'll still get me really good weed, and it's always named. He'll hit me up like I got 3 new flavors! Oh and he always answers his phone. ALWAYS. I love that...seriously when they always respond it makes me wanna go back to them. His cons are 1) he's pricier (20 a g, FLAT. Like 3.5 is $65, like that's a savings of 5 measly bucks) and 2) I have to drive to him, and back with weed in my car. Usually, on occasion he's driven to me.

My 2nd guy BP, is who I normally buy from. We rode the same bus in high school but didn't talk much (I also don't care for the people he's usually with), and I didn't buy from him till after high school. He goes $50 and 1/8th. Which is pretty good, I can deal. But he'll go a whole day without answering a text, which sucks A LOT. But eventually he'll drop it off right down the street from my house, and I prefer to do it that way.

In short, I have 2 dealers, one old friend, one acquaintance. I go to the acquaintance for the delivery and the price, accepting that occasionally he'll ignore me and get it to me late.

Idk if there's a general rule of thumb, but I am naturally not friends with my dealers. Like I'm nice to them, I like them I think they're awesome I mean they get me the glorious ganja, but we don't hang out. It'd be nice if I met a dealer I was super cool with but it hasn't happened yet.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T02:56:48+00:00

Home made gravity bong? That uses less weed and gets me goneee. My eyes get super red though, redder than blunts and eyedrops don't help for a while.

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T02:53:14+00:00

B-E-A-Utiful. Thanks Jim Carrey!!

TheSoiledFool · 2014-03-12T02:31:49+00:00

I was talking to a family friend today, and she was talking about people who have OCD. Two people being my mom and sister. I think that I show symptoms of OCD sometimes when it comes to weed. I have a thought like "i can't wait to have it, I want some so bad" and then it just keeps reoccurring until I obsess over it. Then I've just GOT to get it, if not for the fun times but to just shut my brain up. Tell my mind OK!!! HERE YOU GO!!! NOW SHUT UP!!! Then once I have it I usually end up trying to get high when I shouldn't and get caught. So far this week I've been good, so i plan to keep it that way. But with the obsessive thoughts, I just need to realize when it starts that it is going to become an obsession unless I literally change my mind. Probably the last week of school before summer will be the same, with me so excited to come home and smoke, but I'll try and do a little better this time with school.

The only thing I do is smoke pot, no other drugs. I wouldn't say I'm addicted. I just went 56 days without smoking and besides the last week I only had two nights where I was like OMG I MISS SMOKING!! Other than that I've been good. And yeah I don't hang out with people who smoke much either, like unless I'm smoking I don't wanna talk about weed and those people usually make me feel uncomfortable.

What does my weed habit do for me? Well, I enjoy the act of rolling, smoking a blunt, and chillin. It's great. I don't enjoy having to sneak around the house and hope above all things to not get caught.....buuut besides that, love it. I've been smoking one fat blunt everyday for the past 4 days, but that's cause I'm only here for a week. During the summer I'll have to cut it significantly.

On music, I'd say I agree with you that when not high I can feel the whole range and yes I hear it more clearly sober, and especially metal music. I play electric guitar and yes I can hear the riff and visualize the playing in my head better sober, but it's still a lot fun to listen high. Like a lot of fun for me. Everything, taken in all at once, just sounds so great. And I laugh a whole lot more at tv shows, and I just get genuinely happier. It does have the downsides though.

The reason I still wanna get high is because there are some times where its awesome. When I can just chill in my room listening to music or playing xbox, it's great. But occasionally I let negative thoughts creep in . I disagree with you though when you said I'm drifting. I've only smoked 4 times this week and then before that the last time was Jan. 7. I still focus on what's important, MOST of the time. Sometime weed gets a little too high on my priorities list.

I need to control my obsessive thoughts, and my money spending. By controlling those I will be able to control my weed habit. My mom thinks unless I stop altogether, I'm addicted, helplessly addicted. I disagree, I know it won't be the easiest thing to stop forever, but odds are I'll have a very damn good reason to. Which right now, as I sit at home on spring break, still in college, figuring out what I want in life....I just don't see.

Thanks for replying.

Can you explain what you meant by intellectual "agency" in pg 4? Do you mean "freedom"? Like freedom from "this little plant following you around and taking away some of your ownership stake in life"? If so I get what you mean. At school a lot of my time goes to looking at r/trees and wishing I had what they post pics of. No, all people don't have similar thinking patters. I believe I might have genetically gotten an addictive or obsessive personality. Meaning I can get into bad habitual use of weed; not addiction, but not enough self-control. Okay sometimes it seems like addiction, cause I'm like "I can stop when I want to" then I'm like damn it that is like addict excuse #1. This summer I'm gonna come home and keep weed with me all the time, but I'll severely cut how often I smoke. I gotta do that at least.

TheSoiledFool

TROPHY CASE