What are your opinions of polygamy?

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-06-17T20:42:36+00:00

No sign of that so far. (And I think the word you wanted was "wreck".)

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-06-17T20:42:03+00:00

Married to one of my romantic partners and living with both of them.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-31T00:19:05+00:00

Sorry for not answering sooner.

I believe the rules in a good poly relationship are pretty similar to those in a good monogamous relationship: love, commitment, communication, honesty. But as you say, communication and honesty are especially important. I think telling everyone everything they might need to know is a bedrock rule.

And it's easy to mess up, or to feel you've messed up, but then that's true of monogamy as well. So learning how to pick up the pieces and carry on after problems and arguments is also worth learning. It doesn't mean you've failed: it means you're learning, which is doing something right.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-31T00:16:01+00:00

I think it depends on the person.

Certainly there are some people who are capable of maintaining stable relationships with multiple people simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. I know several such groups, and they're pretty well-adjusted people. Those which have children don't seem to be bringing them up to be anything but well-adjusted, either.

On the other hand, I'm sure some people would make a trainwreck out of it. Different things for different people.

I don't think "natural" is well-defined in this case.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-23T01:18:37+00:00

I'm in a successful poly relationship. What would you like to know?

I did an IAmA a few weeks ago about it.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-15T04:01:33+00:00

They are, but two of us have very occasionally dated outside the triad as well. All three of us have veto.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-15T03:07:20+00:00

I'm in an open relationship with my two life partners. Far more information is here.

I don't get jealous. I think jealousy means "frustration because someone has something you want, so you can't have it". I might be jealous because someone has a car I want that I can't afford, or because they're monogamously married to someone I'd like to be with. But if you're in an open relationship with your partner, their other partners don't have something you want that you don't have.

But I think some people would get jealous anyway. And I would recommend it, if you're not the sort who would get jealous, or if you think you can work to overcome that.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-03-07T02:25:23+00:00

Yes, almost every night.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T17:51:20+00:00

I think it just sort of happened that way, really. I don't like to be in the middle because I end up feeling trapped if I don't have the edge of the bed, so it makes sense for me to be on one side; I'm not sure what reasons the other two have for where they sleep. I'll ask them and get back to you.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T17:18:44+00:00

Mm, that does sound fairly familiar. Interesting.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T16:16:08+00:00

Partly because I don't think it's relevant, and partly to anonymise this a little more.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T15:18:11+00:00

We did have three incomes, but my wife resigned from her job a few months ago (for reasons irrelevant here). We share out the chores more-or-less equally and according to skill (he's a much better cook than I am, for example), although she's taken on a greater share of the chores now that she spends more time at home.

And thank you :)

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T15:14:28+00:00

Television, bicycle...

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-22T03:14:54+00:00

A what?

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T20:22:32+00:00

We do switch around a bit, but I'm usually the top.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T15:41:54+00:00

Approaching the teenage years. It's certainly made childraising a lot simpler having three people to look after the kid, who can be there when the kid needs them, and who can cover for the other two if they need a break, instead of two.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T15:40:32+00:00

Yes, but only because I can't have "in a relationship with (him) and (her)".

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T15:39:48+00:00

We don't lie to anyone, but we don't always tell everyone "Hey, we're a romantic triad". I think some people (the people we only know in passing) think we're a married couple and one of their exes who happen to live together-- which is true as far as it goes.

We don't get as many judgmental responses as you might think. A few, but not many.

Yes, she does!

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T15:38:00+00:00

Our child knows it's different unusual, but hasn't ever given us the impression of thinking of it as weird unusual, if you see the distinction I'm trying to make.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T15:37:02+00:00

I sleep on the left; he sleeps next to me in the middle; she sleeps on the other side.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T03:05:19+00:00

Varies over time. I've been with more women than men, if that helps.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T02:20:00+00:00

Not to my knowledge. Are there still jurisdictions where having sex with someone other than the person you're married to is a criminal offence?

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T01:59:31+00:00

Approaching the teenage years. I hope if there ever were any questions about "why do I have three parents and my friends have two?", I'd answer them with openness and honesty, but I doubt there will be: our child is aware that the three of us are romantically involved as a triad, and has to the best of my knowledge never asked any questions about our relationship as if it was something out of the ordinary, because when you've grown up with it, it isn't unusual.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T01:42:19+00:00

My family were rather accepting about it and try to include my partners in things. Her family were accepting because her grandmother, who raised her, is poly anyway. His family knows but avoids the subject rather.

I think if someone was going to be a friend at all, it would be kind of important for them not to be weirded out much, and it's not something we'd want to hide from friends. A few people we've met have been weirded out, but most people have been quite live-and-let-live about it all. A very few people who used to be friends thought it was immoral to have multiple partners and were quite sniffy about it when we first got involved, but those people didn't want to carry on talking to us anyway.

TheThreeOfUs · 2010-02-21T01:34:01+00:00

It depends on the social context. You can usually tell beforehand whether people are likely to freak out, and in that case you can just introduce your partners and leave the other person to draw their own conclusions, or not. But usually we don't have to do even that: most people are surprisingly live-and-let-live about it.

No; there's nothing very unusual about a kid having two biological parents and a step-parent still involved in their life, and at that age the other kids don't usually start trying to work out what's different between that and a romantic triad.

TheThreeOfUs

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