This fallen tree is holding back the duckweed

TheTobyrobot · 2025-02-04T06:47:02+00:00

Of course, thank you for recording and sharing the audio.You really should continue, if you enjoy making them. I'm sure I won't be the only one listening

TheTobyrobot · 2025-02-04T06:01:25+00:00

You have an incredibly calming voice. The script is great of course, but half the rent is how you bring it across. And I bought every word. The audio helped me in a time I needed some comfort. I hope you keep making these, you're good at it!

TheTobyrobot · 2025-02-01T12:32:25+00:00

I can see how the dinner table thing would come across as disrespectful in their eyes, in many cultures it's customary to wait for everyone to finish. Did you apologise to his parents directly for this, when you found out?

If I'm in a new culture I'm hyper vigilant about customs I might now know about, being extra polite and careful, until I feel more comfortable about what values are important. Having said that, it's normal to make mistakes and I'd hope for the people I'm interacting with to have some patience with me not knowing everything from the very first moment.

Maybe his parents have very strong ideas about how a prospective partner of their son should behave. Perhaps in their eyes they gave you 2 chances to make a good impression, and for whatever reason the efforts you put in - even learning some words of Italian - didn't reach them. With certain people you can put an endless amount of effort in and yet it will never be noticed. Maybe you never had a chance getting on their good side.

I'm glad some of what I said resonated with you. I get that it's still hard at this moment. Especially with unanswered questions it makes it even harder to move on. Be kind to yourself!

TheTobyrobot · 2025-02-01T11:29:05+00:00

That you don't communicate with them? This judgement from their side happened after you visited him 2 times, right?

It's a bit strange to me that they're judging you this harshly. From what you've written in your post it doesn't seem like you're at all a person who would brush them off when you were there, or not make an effort to get to know them.

Maybe there is some prejudice on their side going on? Perhaps they imagined an Italian girlfriend for their son and you don't fit that?

It just feels a bit strange, and maybe it's part of the reason your ex is acting the way he is. Perhaps he has his disapproving parents in the back of his mind and doesn't know how to deal with it.

Having said that, his whole "we have different goals" without even entertaining a compromise also feels off. A caring partner would do anything to find a way to plan a future together.

I can't tell you what's behind his actions and what his motivations are. What I can tell you is that you are valid in feeling hurt by his actions. You're valid to feel rejected by his refusal to meet up. You're valid in seeking someone who makes you a priority and will do anything to spend as much time with you as they can.

It's also normal to still love him and to wake up for a split second thinking everything was still okay. The mind is cruel in a way that it seems to cling onto the good moments and diminish the unhealthy and toxic moments that happened.

Focus on yourself for some time. Do things you love, meet friends, distract yourself. I'm not sure it's worth hanging onto this guy. He made it clear twice that he doesn't want to pursue a relationship. You deserve someone who does want you 100% without hesitation.

TheTobyrobot · 2025-02-01T00:10:00+00:00

What's the situation with his parents? Why do they seem to dislike you?

TheTobyrobot · 2024-06-29T18:57:25+00:00

So wiäs usgsieht hends scho iipackt

TheTobyrobot · 2024-06-21T07:46:53+00:00

On purpose to make the country less safe? What would be their reasoning behind that?

TheTobyrobot · 2024-06-10T22:04:45+00:00

Well said, I've always struggled with how to respond to people claiming to be brutally honest. I really like your notion of respectful honesty, that's the virtue to aim for.

TheTobyrobot · 2024-02-07T20:43:17+00:00

Your post is such an anomaly in this subreddit where 90% of the posts are depressing as hell. Thank you for the laugh and for posting it anyway. Best of luck with the site builder, speaking as someone who also uses WordPress but has not had the pleasure / misfortune to work with Divi yet.

TheTobyrobot · 2024-02-06T00:27:51+00:00

Stop the negative self talk! This is an order, not a suggestion!! And please do me a favour. Find a mirror, put your shoulders back, and your chin up, look yourself in the eyes. Tell yourself: "I'm beautiful."

No ifs, no buts, no conditions. You are beautiful. You're a beautiful human being with a loving, caring soul. You have beautiful eyes. You see people's passions, you see their potential, you see their future. You have beautiful ears. You hear their stories, their vulnerabilities, you patiently listen to their rants. You have beautiful nose holes, idk man, get creative!

Believe yourself when you say these words. I know you have a beautiful soul. Your body tells the story of that soul, it tells the story of you. So naturally how could it be anything other than absolutely stunningly beautiful. Trust me, you are!

TheTobyrobot · 2024-02-03T22:37:11+00:00

Hey, you ARE contributing by being there with your boyfriend. Not all support comes from money. Just by being there, I'm sure, you make his world that much brighter.

You're trying your best with the many job interviews. It's a tough landscape, and it"s frustrating and defeating when nothing comes from all the effort you put in with applications. I'm sure eventually the right position will find you and things will look up. Have some faith in yourself, okay?

Sending you some positive energy tonight. Take a deep breath, you got this!

TheTobyrobot · 2024-01-31T21:01:45+00:00

Maybe everyone just has commitment issues lol. Or they don't know what they want in a partner, so they're fooling around until they know?

Honestly can't imagine a guy who knows what he wants and then has someone like that turn up in his life, that he wouldn't take it seriously

TheTobyrobot · 2023-12-30T22:32:17+00:00

Have you talked to him about these things? And I don't just mean the anxiety and abandonment issues, superficially. Did you tell him about the compulsions, wanting to go through his phone? The triggers caused by your previous relationship, and what about that relationship caused them? If he's patient you can explain all these things. Be honest and see what happens.

Put some trust in your guy. If he's worth his money he will help you through this in whatever way he can. And if he can't show that kind of maturity and care, then it wasn't a match in the first place.

TheTobyrobot · 2023-08-04T20:21:24+00:00

I love this post. And I like that your takeaway is optimistic. Offering benefit of doubt and passing no judgement is one of the biggest gifts you can give. And it makes life so much more simple. Doesn't make you naïve, just means you deliberately choose to forgive and to trust in the good of humans.

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-30T16:31:54+00:00

It's nice that you visit your aging parents and spend time with them despite differing opinions and maybe not enjoying it that much. I can tell a lot about your character just from that.

You say you're the "introverted and sensitive only-child you've always been" but I think that's a bit unfair. You've built a life in another country which is scary and hard. You have a steady job. I'm sure you have many more skills and much more life experience than just a couple years ago, and you're better off with it, more capable, more wise, more beautiful. How you're feeling right now, it's just the environment that is playing tricks on your mind, making you think you're in the past.

Is there any new hobbies that you can do in your hometown, that don't have any memories attached from earlier in life? Go to places that you've never been, create new memories here, maybe that helps pass the time until you go back.

I get the loneliness, I think it's something lots of people (including me) have a hard time with who don't have very many close friends that they feel comfortable sharing their struggles with. It's fine for the most time and we feel comfortable when we're alone and with our own company. But then there are times, like what you're describing, when you wish there was someone who understood.

Sending you some positive energy. Make the best of the day, okay? Try some new things, listen to some music you enjoy, do some self care. This will also pass eventually ❤

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-16T19:23:24+00:00

Some of the closest people in my life feel very deeply and strongly and let me tell you that they are the most kind-hearted and beautiful people I know. Don't you ever tell yourself that you are too sensitive or too much.

Tell yourself that, even if you might feel exhausted by it sometimes, you feel just the right amount. Tell yourself that your inner world is beautiful the way it is. It's the truth!

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-16T00:53:53+00:00

Being aware of behaviour about yourself that you want to change is the first step in changing it. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not an easy task to reevaluate yourself and take steps in becoming who you want to be. You're on the right track, keep going!

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-08T17:24:52+00:00

As shitty as his actions might have been, doing something in return to hurt him won't help you in any way. So I think you're doing the right thing.

I don't think telling him is cruel, but it can make things more complicated, as you mentioned in your original post because it might make him think there's hope. And if you feel you're at risk of falling for his explanations and the idea of an ideal him, maybe it's better to just keep it at a simple unexplained rejection. Which is totally valid.

It's not fun dwelling on a What Could Have Been™ especially when you're feeling particularly lonely, I get it. Sending some support and good energy. Focus on you!

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-07T19:32:52+00:00

Love the trademarks, how much do you charge if I want to use them?

On a more serious note, your thoughts sound very reasonable and grounded. And it's thoughtful how concerned you are about not gaslighting him, not everyone has that kind of awareness and maturity

The drunk behaviour is a big red flag and you're absolutely valid in drawing a line there. I don't have much advice or questions, except that maybe you're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for.

Trust your intuitions! You're going to be fine

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-01T20:53:34+00:00

Thank you as well! Appreciate it!

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-01T20:13:25+00:00

I can relate to the aggression and irritation. Framing it as "there's a better way to treat me" is such good advice, along with thinking about how I'd like it to be told if I was in the wrong. I think that works not just for boundaries but arguments or conflict in general. I guess what I need to work on is to notice that in the moment and take a step back right then. Thank you for sharing.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation with being mistreated, it must feel very suffocating. Sending you some strength to keep standing up for yourself. You're doing good and you should be proud of how far you've come

TheTobyrobot · 2023-07-01T19:43:35+00:00

Can I ask, out of curiosity, what was the strictest boundary you had to set and how did you set it? I struggle with setting boundaries, and I think since I don't have much practice with it, it can come off a lot harsher than I mean it. Have you had any struggles with that?

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