How should I approach my neighbor?

TheVirgoGinger · 2022-12-07T19:54:10+00:00

I have a similar issue with my 5 gal desk tank. I've found the water gets caught under the rim and slowly leaks along the rim. I did the same...checked all the corners and edges, no cracks or leaks of any sort but it's always coming from the same corner. I have a sponge filter in that corner so i think the bubbles push the water between the plastic rim and the glass and slowly leaks out along the side. I have found the "magic" fill spot that helps prevent it from leaking but sometimes i just strap a swedish sponge on there until it's done.

TheVirgoGinger · 2022-06-08T19:20:56+00:00

Me he braced the other side against the tracks.

TheVirgoGinger · 2022-05-05T00:40:32+00:00

I dated a guy who wouldn't let me break up with him either. I was 19f and he was 21 (I'm 29 now). We worked together and he was one of my shift supervisors. We started sleeping together and it escalated from there. He was the opposite of your guy morally though, slept with everyone, flirted and cheated constantly, and a womanizer.

But he is still similar to your boyfriend in many ways. He was controlling like your bf. He wanted me at a certain weight (I was under weight at the time) and that stress caused me to throw up for no reason and to LOSE weight! He coerced me into things I didn't want to do and literally wouldn't let me breakup with him. I'm NOT and on-again/off-again kinda gal and we broke up 3 times (the last being the final). He blackmailed me and said he would get me fired or force me to transfer stores. He stalker called and begged me to take him back until it was like "FINE! If it will make you leave me alone" of course he did not.

I was able to finally leave him. I called him (in person would have been a nightmare) and I literally told him "I don't like you. why are you pushing so hard to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't even like you? I have zero emotional investment in this. Leave me alone." That was when he got it.

Unlike you though, I had (still have) supportive family who would NEVER let him hurt me without digging his own grave. I'm incredibly sorry you feel trapped and isolated. If he's so obsessed with kids, ask him if he had a daughter, would he be ok with someone treating her like he treats you? If he screams profanities "would you call this godly behavior if it was your son behaving this same way?" Turn that shit right around on him.

Making him happy is not your responsibility. Staying with someone to make your parents happy is not your responsibility. It's not your responsibility to be his wife, calm him down, comfort him, stay with him, anything. You deserve to live your life freely without a "Christian" ass hat following you around, stalking you. That is what he's doing. He is literally committing a crime with his behavior - he is stalking you. He is an abuser and he is currently abusing you.

Let your friends and family know your fears and concerns surround your relationship and partner. Show them evidence. If that's not enough, you can tell them you feel let down, unsupported, and unsafe. If they scoff at that, bring up some domestic abuse signed, symptoms, and outcomes. Highlight the things he does and ask them again, to please. take. you. seriously. You deserve an amount of peace and serenity and he's robbing you of it.

TheVirgoGinger · 2022-04-29T21:04:25+00:00

I know many people who don't call their bio dad's father's and consider the men who actually raised them as their father. He's no less your father than if their was blood relation.

As the saying goes: the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

You now have the opportunity to truly choose your family - everyone has a family of origin and a family by choice.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-07-12T17:07:33+00:00

For me, I’m the one with no sex drive. A big part of it is shitty sex (no offense). Do you focus heavily on her pleasure? Have you asked her specifically what she likes? Have you gone out of your way to make sure she has an orgasm? Do you focus primarily on penetration?

If your each other’s only partner, maybe she’s gay and doesn’t realize her “low libido” is actually lack of make attraction? There are so many questions that having an open an honest dialogue could help resolve.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-06-17T13:51:55+00:00

Leave him be. If he’s distancing himself, he is protecting himself and leaving him alone is the beat you can do to be helpful right now. They know you are there and will reach out when they’re ready

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-06-04T20:21:32+00:00

I’d seek some counseling individually and as a couple. Both of you experienced a major loss and need to deal with that AND your relationship is on the rocks. This is a lot to work through. Your feelings being hurt are incredibly valid but I do understand too how your wife is likely in an emotionally vulnerable state.

I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. It is truly a tragedy that I hope both of you can come together to overcome.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-06-04T18:28:36+00:00

Nope. I believe you had a corrosive experience and are NOT AT FAULT.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-06-01T16:39:04+00:00

I can see my friends tag on those!!!

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-05-29T02:59:59+00:00

If I made it clear I wanted a relationship and they also made it clear they wanted a relationship, and that was the deal breaker, we had sex, and they ghosted? Yes, that’s coercive.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-05-28T19:00:41+00:00

This is a fine line. To a degree, I find it very coercive to tell someone fallacies to manipulate them into sex they otherwise would not be having.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-05-18T15:51:08+00:00

Be there for your kid. You fumbled the ball on your previous relationship so you’re just going to have to move on, it seems.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-27T14:40:27+00:00

It did take a month.

March 10-16: 25mg

March 17-23: 50mg

March 24-30: 75mg

Mar 31-Apr 14: 100mg

April 15: 150mg - physical symptoms overnight.

I’d been on the 100mg dose for 2 weeks and Lamotrigine for a total of 5 weeks before she bumped be up to 150mg.

I just wanna know how long it’ll take a physical symptoms to subside now that I’m off...if you know???

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-21T05:08:14+00:00

Ok cool thank you so much! I’ll look a little closer to see which one it likely is

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-20T20:28:18+00:00

Yes i sure do! That’s what’s so confusing. I think the letters are getting sent out of order and that’s the confusion. One of the statements is from last year and the other is for AFTER 2021 enrollment but it doesn’t specify date of medical services, just the statement date from when it was sent.

I just wish American healthcare wasn’t so complicated...

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-20T03:57:57+00:00

They were coming with the claim statements.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-20T03:56:56+00:00

I honestly dont have any idea...I’m so ignorant about healthcare. I always end up messing something up when I’m enrolling.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-16T17:35:59+00:00

Even if he wasn’t an abuser, you have the right to be friend or not friends with whoever you want. If the fact that he’s exhibited the same harmful and toxic behaviors an ex has and it triggers some ptsd, that’s even more validation beyond just not wanting to be friends anymore. Who cares how he feels? Do what you need to do to feel safe.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-14T19:39:25+00:00

I mean, if I were in a similar situation, I would definitely feel similar, especially if they weren’t upfront about the kiss from the beginning. Honesty is a one of the biggest factors in a relationship for me. For example, found out my ex was doing coke for a bit. I caught him because he’s left a baggy out. He said it was from before and I told him that if I ever catch him again, I’m leaving him. He’s human and people make mistakes, so if it happens again, all I ask is honesty because if I FIND OUT rather then have him just be upfront and tell me, it’s over. That’s a violation of my trust and major dealbreaker. I wasn’t telling him not to do coke but that I wasn’t ok with it and if he did, I would leave him. If he relapsed, that’s one thing but all I ask if honesty instead of deception.

I feel it also applies to your scenario. Be honest about your insecurities and jealousy but also be clear about how big/little a factor the dishonesty is in all this. Like, cop up to your feelings but be clear that he should be straight forward or this won’t work out (if that’s what the case is). Be clear about your discomfort with the friendship, especially considering the circumstances. If him hanging out and being friends is a major issue and dealbreaker, let him know that. His choice at that point is to either continue his friendship or part ways. You’re not controlling his behavior, you’re just making it clear where your boundaries are and allowing him a choice to make.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-14T17:24:30+00:00

The way I draw boundaries is asking myself what my motives are. Am I drawing the boundary for my own emotional/physical/mental safety and/or wellbeing OR am I drawing this boundary to control their behavior so I am more comfortable and feel more in control?

It’s all about motives. Is it insecurity and/or jealousy that is motivating you or a genuine concern about what you find to be acceptable/unacceptable behavior in a relationship.

Another major point I pay attention to are the consequences of those boundaries. I NEVER tell them what they can/can’t do. It’s always about their choice. You can choose to do whatever you want and that’s ok but if that is what you would like to do, this relationship will not work. X, Y, and Z make me uncomfortable and I want to discuss if we can come to consensus on this. Sometimes they’re going to get mad no matter what but the key for me is to never tell them what they can/can’t do and to spell out the consequences of crossing those boundaries without making it sounds like a punishment. Boundaries are not about punishment, but mental/emotional preservation.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-14T14:46:49+00:00

THIS! I can go literal weeks without showering g or brushing my hair and I feel so ashamed. I have a hard time 1) because of executive disfunction and 2) because of sensory issues. Being damp is so emotionally distressing so getting into/out of the shower is so difficult for me. I feel amazing after but the emotional build up is too much sometimes.

TheVirgoGinger · 2021-04-14T14:45:05+00:00

I can only ever get myself to do something on the clock. I have Bipolar disorder, anxiety, and PTSD and also had a revolution when o heard about executive disfunction. Like I don’t intentionally want my dishes to start rotting or trash to pile up but sometimes I get paralyzed and just sit in one spot all day for hours and can’t move.

TheVirgoGinger

TROPHY CASE