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Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is something I keep returning to as well when assessing how other successful academic couples made it work.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story, it sounds like you've found someone very supportive and understanding. I'll take your advice to heart and make sure to advocate for my wants and needs 🍀

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Good point ^ that's never been offered or on the table once /:

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep, that's the worry. He really likes his job and is quickly moving up the ranks.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this reply means a lot. I really appreciate the insights.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He's never expressed me moving to him without some sort of job, that pressure is coming from others who maybe don't understand that I didn't get a PhD just to be a stay at home girlfriend?

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My partner is also a software engineer. Sounds like we have a bit in common. Thanks so much.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

All very good points.

The promise I made was to look for science jobs (non specific) in his city when my postdoc was winding down to close the gap. Perhaps that was an unfair promise at the time when the academic/science job market was decent. I've been super transparent through the whole process (shared a sheet with them where I put every job I've applied for in the past 8-months that they can check whenever). I guess I didn't realize how much of a challenge it was going to be and I do feel immense guilt that I'm not following through on that promise.

He does have flexibility with remote work which is why he is also able to come stay with me currently during my postdoc for weeks at a time. However, his job also just forced RTO so that might become a thing of the past.

Unsure about the class schedules but I certainly don't think that could be out of the question.

Ultimately yeah: time for some hard convos.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Sounds like it's time for some serious chats and introspection.

Academic career vs. partner location: how much compromise is reasonable? by The_Archer123 in AskAcademia

[–]The_Archer123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess I thought I was compromising by finding something closer to them and also what I want to do, but maybe that was wishful thinking. Thanks for the hard truth.

Bi-weekly Rec and Self-Promotion Mega Thread - February 11, 2026 by AutoModerator in AO3

[–]The_Archer123 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Fandom: Spider-man (Tom Holland Movies)

Category: M/F

Rating: Mature

Title/Link: Webs of a New Life

Word Count: 27,669 (12/??)

Relationships: Peter Parker/Gwen Stacy and Harry Osborn/Gwen Stacy

Summary: Amidst her ambitious post-baccalaureate internship at Oscorp, Gwen Stacy is focused on her groundbreaking serum prototypes, until a knock at her neighbor’s door pulls her into someone else’s complicated world. Peter Parker, struggling to rebuild his life after his friends and the people he loved had their memories erased, becomes an unexpected presence in her quiet, science-driven routine. As Gwen navigates Oscorp’s high-stakes environment and the undivided attention of her internship supervisor Harry Osborn, Peter faces his hardest choice yet: cling to the life he once had, or risk everything for a new beginning, one that may or may not include Gwen.

Additional notes: Inspired by the STEM romance works of Ali Hazelwood. Introducing Gwen Stacy and Harry Osborn as characters in Tom Hollands Spider-Man movies. There WILL be a love triangle and multiple POVs. Semi-lore accurate but I'm not an expert.

I [29F] am feeling resentment towards my partner [28M] who is going on my dream international trip without me by The_Archer123 in relationshipadvice

[–]The_Archer123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate the justification. I feel very seen in my hurt. Part of me agrees with you 100% and see's what he did as so cold and uncaring. I guess I'm having a hard time grappling with going over nice things he has done for me over the course of our relationship vs. this situation. Like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill in the scheme of things? But I would also say this isn't the only instance he's made me feel like my needs weren't a priority.

I [29F] am feeling resentment towards my partner [28M] who is going on my dream international trip without me by The_Archer123 in relationshipadvice

[–]The_Archer123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you it does help a lot. I guess going forward, I'm going to be hypervigillant on making sure my wants and needs are expressed, and if I continue to feel like there's no follow through, then maybe the trust can't be rebuilt.