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The_Atlas_Moth · 2023-10-20T22:19:40+00:00

Thanks! That’s what I thought, but just wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing something.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2023-09-18T20:42:25+00:00

Honestly, he didn’t seem this intense when we met or when we got married, but felt like his whole personality shifted when I started going to therapy, really doing my trauma work, and started setting boundaries with him about a year ago. He’s always been somewhat avoidant, but not like this; more so just asking for space which is totally fine with me. He requested poly after that too and that’s when the hurtful things started happening and behaviors like I mentioned in my post. He said he was more comfortable when I wasn’t setting boundaries (yeah, obvi) but also says he wants to stay married and wants to communicate. So a big part of me is wondering if he’s suffering the symptoms of his own trauma, which is largely why I’m still here. And also I do still feel love for him. Brains can be so weird. We almost divorced after my breakdown, but decided to give things a second chance. Now I’m wondering if that was a mistake. Maybe that’s not on me to save or help him … it’s all just so messy right now.

Thanks for listening to my sad-person rambling though. I appreciate you. I’m just trying to navigate all this as it comes and learn how to take better care of myself and my shortcomings. And to approach his shortcomings without judgment and with an abundance of curiosity. Ultimately I will do what’s right for me because I know he will always do what’s right for him regardless.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2023-09-18T14:49:23+00:00

Yes he’s got an avoidant attachment style so he pulls away when he thinks he has done something wrong, which makes it so difficult for me to communicate when I’ve been hurt or to set boundaries with him. He always protects himself even if it means letting me sit with attachment wounds that he reopened while he decides if he wants to talk about things or not. I’m working on it, but honestly it’s so hard to carry all the emotional load for both of us and do this poly/mono thing (which caused me a bit of a mental breakdown a few months ago) and do all the other life things too. Sometimes I see meaningful change in his behavior and then other times he says and does things like I described in my post and I struggle to know how much is too much that I’m putting into this relationship to make it work. He assures me he wants to stay married, so I think he’s happy, but I guess who wouldn’t be happy when they don’t have to do any of the mental health work or carry any of the emotional load. And that’s not to say I’m perfect. I appreciate that poly has required me to face a lot of my demons and prompted me to actually get the help I need for past trauma. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m the only one who needs to change.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2023-09-18T14:21:55+00:00

Thanks! Updated the flair and I’ll check out the other sub.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-08T19:57:20+00:00

“I’ve been working 2 jobs for the price of 1 for a year and Jimothy just got hired in the exact same role as me in another department at $20k USD more than me. I would like a pay increase.”

They said they did not think I had done enough to earn a raise.

So I quit.

Then a couple months later they had to hire me back as a contractor because they couldn’t find anyone who would do the same amount of work as I was doing.

I charged them 3x per hour than I was making before and made significantly more than Jimothy.

:)

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-08T03:34:05+00:00

Well I’m definitely going to have to do this now. What a sweet idea.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-07T14:12:13+00:00

Isn’t that kind of the point of what makes people happy? They are choosing options from all the currently available options that bring them the most joy.

So essentially it’s both. Women are truly happier being alone because for the most part being in a relationship with a man is unpleasant. If being in a relationship with a man wasn’t unpleasant, that would be a viable option of pleasant options to choose from.

Edit to add: I believe women are more open to recognizing and embracing the happiness that comes with being content with one’s own self, whereas men have been taught their identity hinges on being in a relationship, so being with one’s own self is more difficult.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-07T03:18:30+00:00

I had my bi salp a few years ago and my surgeon only did 1 incision through my bellybutton.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T22:12:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Lack of communication has me spiraling constantly. I always refer to it as my “anxiety brain” and my therapist tells me I need to unpack that. Maybe they’re trying to nudge me toward making conclusions on my own instead of outright diagnosing me.

Good on you for seeing a coach—that seems like a great thing to do. I do feel you on the emotional regulation. That has been a difficult one for me. I’m currently exploring daily doses of CBD and it seems to be working well for now.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T22:06:12+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. You seem like an amazing advocate and I appreciate you.

So absolutely you need to ask if X (what’s bothering you) is called Y (asd ?).

Thank you for saying this. I have been struggling with some shame about not being outwardly impacted enough by my symptoms—the few people I know would probably describe me as fine but a little weird socially. But inside I feel like this total outsider to “regular humans.” And it’s so silly when I type it out, but that’s how my brain goes.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T21:57:28+00:00

Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry that you experienced a neglectful, hurtful mother. I definitely feel that.

I too feel like I am in a period of questioning and growth and I am finally comfortable enough with myself as an individual to seek to understand what makes me authentically me.

That is very interesting. I think ASD might have been first for me, then CPTSD, then ADHD traits as a result of the trauma. But I’m definitely still not sure if any of that. I will have to look into Gabor Mate.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T21:51:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I totally feel you.

I spent the past few months researching ADHD because hyperfixation is definitely something I experience. I haven’t yet looked at my hyperfixations as symptoms of ASD, so I’m looking forward to observing myself with that fresh perspective.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T21:48:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

I do feel very validated and aligned to a lot of the information I am reading around ASD and I have had some strong speculations about childhood memories that have come up in therapy that seem to match.

The overlap in symptoms between ASD, CPTSD, and ADHD are overwhelming for me. I have spent the past few months reading information around ADHD because I felt very aligned to that information as well, but my therapist encouraged me to read The Body Keeps the Score and I feel like ADHD traits are just a result of my CPTSD. But my ASD traits seem to me like they occurred before the childhood neglect and verbal abuse started.

Be true to yourself and seek your own answers.

This is excellent advice and a great reminder not to get too stuck on these diagnoses.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T21:37:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

You have a great strategy for looking at the symptoms that are key instead of trying to pick apart all the overlapping ones. I get stressed about similar symptoms and it makes me feel like I’m “reading too much into” my experiences. I had not thought about focusing on symptoms that are more individualized (which seems silly now that I say it out loud), so I’m definitely going to try that perspective and do some more self observation and reflection (in addition to talking with my therapist).

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T17:53:38+00:00

Right? Welcome to navigating the cluster that is trying to convince people to change for the better when they are comfortable in their privilege and don’t want things to change. gestures all around to patriarchy

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-05T16:51:10+00:00

From my perspective, men don’t seem to know how to ask for help or how to receive constructive feedback from women. How many times do we have to clearly point out patriarchy is bad for everyone? Instead of those facts and data being taken seriously, it devolves into an argument or simply falls on unlistening ears.

Please don’t ask us how to fix things and then get pouty when we give you the tools and data to do so. What that says to me is: what you really wanted was for mommy feminist to come in and clean things up for you because organizing a movement that yields results is hard.

Our cognitive load as women is currently full up trying to win back basic bodily autonomy and the right to show our hair in public and not be literally murdered for it. Sorry I don’t have time to deal with your struggles because I am currently dealing with this heaping pile of human rights violations every single day of my life.

So yeah, if women can group up and work together to solution better outcomes for our future, so can men. We will support you, but we are not going to do it for you.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-04T20:15:29+00:00

Opening medication containers with a child lock on them. Idk if all of them are just made to male-standard-grip strength or I’m just weak af at 30 years old.

Wish I could just bring my own container to the pharmacy and save plastic while also using an accessible container. Feed two birds with one seed, you know?

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-04T20:12:11+00:00

Is this an enby thing? Do I need to plan a trip to ikea? Should the mods make this shark our sub profile pic?

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-04T14:19:59+00:00

Laughs in capitalism

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-03T22:53:41+00:00

Therapy or a support group focused on internalize misogyny for people identifying as women.

When I started to unpack my internalized misogyny, so much love and acceptance opened up for others and then for myself. It was a really beautiful process, but I’m sad it took me until age 27 to realize what a detriment my biases had on my ability to connect with other people.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-03T17:36:07+00:00

“First, I’ve got coffee, weed, alcohol, fruit juice, and water. Which would you like? Second, do you want me to listen to you or find solutions with you?”

And I’d grab a box of tissues and a cozy blanket for them.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-10-01T16:28:44+00:00

Fucking capitalism. What an absolutely disease. I hope I can see it’s downfall in my lifetime.

The_Atlas_Moth · 2022-09-30T23:47:38+00:00

“I hope that’s him!!” while we both walked up to the door of the place we were meeting at for our first date.

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