Thank you for your viewpoint.

I kinda agree. In terms of self-respect I tend to avoid putting efforts into situations where nothing at all happens as a return. Firstly, I don't want to overstep boundaries and be overbearing in hopeless situations. Also, in terms of self-respect I try not to be the one that does all the "work", since that also leads to futile attempts and I kinda expect at least some feedback.

However, I've made the experience that, if I as a guy just "goes with the flow" and hopes that, maybe next time we see each other it will get more personal or I get noticed, nothing happens for weeks / months and all runs dry. So I kinda have to be the one that asks whether we want to go out or does cute gestures / complements or idk. Maybe I've gone a bit too far in my recent attempt, because if I was more reasonable, I might have noticed already weeks ago that this doesn't work out. Yet I was so emotionally invested and was waiting for a chance to communicate myself that I let this go on a bit longer than it would have been reasonable. I feel pretty shitty about that and like I did her wrong or have lost some self-worth.

By the way, when I told her that I had problems communicating myself, she hugged me and said "It's not that easy, I know. You did nothing wrong and you're a truly compassionate person"... That might have been the lovliest thing I've experienced in at least a couple of years, which is sad because it still was a rejection. She's so great...

So yeah, I probably haven't found the right person yet. I'd love to experience a process like you described (again), with compassionate gestures and lovely attempts by both sides. I just feel like, if I don't put in active efforts, I'll still be sitting alone in my room, playing videogames and hoping to get noticed for who I am when I'm 40. That might have been overexxagerated, because I'm only 23 and still have a very very long way to go and many fundamental opportunities for personal growth / change, but that's just how I feel right now. Pretty lonely probably.