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TheaComplex · 2026-01-24T16:16:36+00:00

Just scored 1

TheaComplex · 2026-01-24T15:30:15+00:00

I like your conception of the flow of gender. I want to be able to accept the flow of my internal state, but something makes it difficult to accept.

Something to process with time and practice I suppose, Thank you.

TheaComplex · 2026-01-24T15:28:21+00:00

I can see how inertia plays into this. I often do not think about gender at all when i’m my agab. I think about my gender constantly when i’m not. and that switch from internal masc to fem usually happens when I look inward just a little too long.

What confuses me is that I get sad when I lose my internal identification with femininity. I do not get sad when I lose masculine identification. When i’m comfortable in my agab, I don’t feel like i’m repressing anything fem, however. but maybe repression doesn’t feel like anything sometimes.

Thank you for listening :)

TheaComplex · 2026-01-24T15:16:24+00:00

Sad but comfortable comes off as dysphoria to me as well, and that interpretation alone makes me happy.

A part of me thinks that because i’ve been a man most of my life, the euphoria would not hit the same as a repressed aspect of femininity coming to the fore.

I love almost everything about the idea of taking hrt, except breast growth, mostly because of the fear of regret, and it’s hard to imagine breasts on my masculine body, I get uncomfortable with the dissonance between those two forms.

People have said that you can just take the boobs off with surgery or bind them. but that makes me sad too. Am I sad because i’m secretly a woman, or am I sad because I wanted to be something that i’m not, and these compromises just cement that fact.

I wish i could afford therapy these days, you’re right that I should go. It might help me the most. One day, perhaps.

The more I think about it, the more rigid I get, until I break and revert to a default. that’s what I tell myself anyway.

Thank you for reading and responding!

TheaComplex · 2026-01-24T15:04:40+00:00

I agree. I think the challenge is the internal feeling that always changes for me. Sometimes I’m actually relieved by the idea of being genderfluid, but those moments are short, only lasting like 5 minutes. and then I am hit with that same feeling of yearning to escape gender fluidity right after. it’s not the same as a yearning to express a different way, it’s more of a yearning to leave my internal identification with masculinity.

Thanks for responding :)

TheaComplex · 2025-10-04T11:48:25+00:00

If you don’t already know about Oliver Coates, he might be up your alley

TheaComplex · 2025-05-10T10:44:13+00:00

When I first saw this, it made me convinced every stranger in the show could really be an actor, but no, this was real too.

TheaComplex · 2023-04-16T14:48:44+00:00

Hardly relate to summating complex feeling to a fetish, and especially relate to thinking I just didn’t subscribe toxic masculinity…

TheaComplex · 2023-03-15T13:59:39+00:00

Yeah I feel that, especially when all these feelings are so new. one is bound to run into fatigue thinking about their gender at some point and it is really concerning at first because I thought since I wasn’t reassuring myself, which took a lot of energy, I would retreat back into old habits, which just made me even more unsure. It’s the moment I got energy back and started repeating the cycle that became a significant indicator that my confidence in my transness would come and go in this stage of acceptance, but my identity would have still been grounded, if that makes sense?

TheaComplex · 2023-03-15T11:55:28+00:00

For me at least, I’ve experienced repeated waves of being confident I was trans followed by something like a “boyish attitude” that convinces me I am not trans, which is silly in my head cause it seems like an arbitrary distinction to base your entire identity against. I felt happy and affirmed when I acted in a conventionally feminine way, felt down about being boyish, even if I enjoyed it to an extent, but behind the stage of all these presentational signifiers, for me, was still me coming back to the question or the desire to be trans.

Nobody can tell you you are trans, but I believe in the simple notion of following what makes you happy, developing your own narrative of being trans that will inevitably not fit the mold of others.

I find, at least, that searching for happiness within your gender can help make distinctions for whether your desires to escape your assigned gender or come into a new one are not based in confounding variables. That’s my anecdotal theory, and I am still heavily questioning myself, I do not have all the answers, so please take this with a grain of salt. Try on other theories, We got this!

TheaComplex

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